Raising Ryans

paying the cost

2012-01-30T17:13:00.001-08:00

So, as I was reading the Bible the other day, I came across some verses about "paying the cost" of following Christ. In church and among other followers, you here this frequently. Paying the cost, carrying your cross, etc. I get it, God asks when we follow Him, to lay down our own life and take up the life He has for us. It can be hard. The world doesn't exactly see eye to eye with the Way Christ asks us to live. In other countries, people are tortured and killed for following Jesus. We have to make decisions that go against the flow and are not in line with the view the world is taking on. Our morals aren't always people's choice or popular opinion.
Today I was confronted with the fact that, at some point, my children will also have to pay the cost. They will have to defend their own faith and may be discriminated against for it. They could be put down or frowned upon for following Jesus. This hurts my heart. For Jesus and for them. It is one thing to deal with my own battles, but another to consider the fact that my children will face their own and I can't fight for them.
I am one to borrow trouble. God and I are working on this. BUt in regards to my kids, I am having to work doubley hard. I am having to turn their little lives over to Him again and again, trusting in His incredible grace and praying for His great wisdom. I want to stand in front of my children and protect them from any barb, jibe or hurt that may come. But I can't. It is so hard.
The comfort I am clinging to is how God did this to the highest degree for us. He gave His only Son to die on the cross. He knows the hurt of watching His son be hurt...far more than I ever will.
Oh may I take comfort in the fact that we have a God who understands. And though it's hard to imagine, loves my kids even more than I do.

Crossroads

2012-01-23T12:58:00.001-08:00

Life has hit an interesting crossroad. For those that know us, I used to work at a church and then continued to attend it...we were pretty involved in it. However, in the last few months we have started attending a different church and it has changed our lifestyle quite a bit. We just don't have the same commitments we used to and it has freed up a great deal of time.
On the flip side, our kids are getting older, I am beginning to look into registrations for kindergarten and preschool and sports are already becoming an issue in the house...our time is getting eaten up.
So as we hit this point in our lives, I am struggling to make healthy habits for our family. We need to get involved in church and make sure we are giving back to the place that feeds us...but where and how much? We want to find a ministry our family can pour into, but where? We know this doesn't have to be in the church, but after working at one for so long, it is just a different scenario for us. We want the kids to participate in sports and activities, but they can't do all they want to. Karate, preschool, swimming, soccer and cubbies is too much for us to coordinate and ridiculous for a 3 &5 year olds schedule. One sport is enough...now to choose it. And to tell your child they are not going to be on a team with all their buddies. I am already feeling the pressure. I feel like I should be able to have them do it all, however, in my heart of hearts, I know that what is right is to set limits and be the mom who says "No". God, Family, Friends...those are our priorities and that is the order. I am just not sure why it seems so hard.
All that to say, I am excited for this new place in life, because I feel like it is a fresh start and if I plan it right, I can start good habits. But I am also a tad overwhelmed at the responsibility. And so I am praying hard that God gives wisdom. He says He will to those who ask and I am taking the time to ask a lot! We'll see how it goes...
I must say, I am continually suprised by the things I hit my knees for. I never considered I would be spending so much time asking God to help be choose between soccer and karate for my three year old, but here I am. I think my next prayer will probably be to ease the anxiety over the paper work all theses activities create!

strength and weakness

2012-01-10T19:20:00.001-08:00

I fully remember Shawn looking me square in the eyes, when I was pregnant with Brayden and informing me that we couldn't have a girl...I was all the drama he needed. Though slightly offended, I laughed it off. Puh-lease, it's not that bad.

Enter Amanda. Um, yeah. So when the drama is directed at you, it is that bad. Every one complains about the drama of a teenage girl, but no one mentions that the emotionalism begins at birth and just progresses. By 16 months we have waterworks on demand, screaming glares of detest when corrected and head banging on the floor when she doesn't get her way. (Here I insert my apologies to my husband for all my inane emotional outbursts. I now understand why SHawn sometimes steps back and looks at me with the look that says, "I've got nothin'. I am pretty sure you are currently insane and anything I do may add to the maniac you have become." And so he remains silent, which only adds to my fury.)

And so, unwillingly and with great humility, I admit...she probably gets it all from me. However, this does not mean I have any coping mechanisms to deal with it or a great strategy to put in place in order to prevent or circumvent an Amanda moment. I am at a loss with this little lady.

BUT...with her drama and her spirit, comes a great enthusiasm for life that has recently brought so much joy to my heart. She is imitating the older kids and completely keeping up with them, she's learning signs and words so fast, she is dancing to the wii games with the boys and she's doling out kisses and snuggles in between activities. She is so completely FULL of life. We are just loving it!!

It is the same in all of us I suppose. Our greatest strengths also being our greatest weaknesses. I for one am overly organized a bit of a rule follower and love to have things go according to plan. This plays out well in some arenas, but well...just read the above and I am sure you can see the pitfalls of all those "strengths". I just hope my friends and family (and hopefully strangers too) can find the good and avoid seeing the downfalls of my sometimes neurotic behavior.

As for my kids...and Amanda, her crazy, dramatized, spitfire way of taking on life has some amazing brightsides that I am discovering. I must choose to see her through the lens of positivity, as I hope others choose to see me. In doing so, I am finding a little girl that I just giggle over regularly and puts a smile on my face so many times a day.

Do I still get irritiated when the drama takes a turn for the worse and I find her bent over banging her head on our hardwoods and giving me a glare that says, "Look what you have reduced me to"? Yes. Yes I do. However, I am reminded that it is the same enthusiam that has her shaking her hands in the air, wriggling her shoulders and bum barking like a dog and dancing around to wii "just dance for kids" trying to keep up with her brothers as they break it down to "who let the dogs out". Great weakness, great strength.

And so I thank God. For my kids...their strengths and their weaknesses. For my strengths and weaknesses. And I pray that He grants me grace when my weaknesses seem to prevail and that He reminds me to grant grace for my children. I also pray that He helps me to take great joy in what it is that makes them who they are...because afterall, they are His creation and there's nothing to complain about in that!

I found Jesus

2011-12-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

So...about two days after decorating for Christmas, I turn around to find Jesus missing from the nativity scene. If this wasn't an amazing analogy to how most spend the Christmas season, I don't know what is. We spend all this time decorating listening to carols, getting ready to celebrate and about two days in are completely overwhelmed, with letters to write, presents to buy and wrap and lists to make on what we are bringing to all the holiday activities that fill the calendar...and somewhere in there, we lose Jesus.

I was really disappointed. We stopped and looked now and then, but he was no where. We prayed daily. Then one day, Shawn called a halt to all family activity and proclaimed a family search to find Jesus. We looked and looked and about 15 minutes in, back behind the photo albums in the side cupboard, I found Jesus!

We took him over to the nativity, set him between Mary and Joseph, faced the wisemen toward him and sat back in triumph. Then promptly turned and walked away, back into the chaos of the season.

I have to say...as disappointed as I was to have lost Jesus, I think I may be more disappointed that I found him. At least, when he was missing...I spent my time looking for Him. I was reminded of how much I need Him and I prayed daily about the importance of His place in the story. Once I found Him, I put Him in his place of honor, took Him for granted and went about my business, just assuming He'd be there when I needed Him.

I don't want to treat Jesus this way. He is a humble King who gave His life for me. I am trying to remember when I see Jesus in the nativity scene, to not just go about my business, because I know He's there. But to take time to thank God that He is there, that He was sent, and that He fulfilled His promise of reconciliation.

Oh Lord, forgive me for my expectations and ungratefulness of Your greatest gift and remind me that Jesus is right there, only because of Your great mercy and grace. Thank you, for helping me find Jesus...again!

Another bout with technology

2011-11-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

Today was not a very good day at the Ryan household. Mommy is overwhelmed. As much as technology benefits us...today it has exasperated (spelling? no spell check here) me!

Because of technology we are capable of so much more. People expect more cuz you can do it faster and buy it quicker. Three clicks and your bills are paid. Four searches and the carseat is found for less. Google maps and you have directions. Shoot out an e-mail and twenty people are contacted for a pot luck. Buy the Christmas cards, make the scrapbook, read the news and get the diapers, all in one sitting. Well, frankly, I wish it weren't all so "possible" because then people wouldn't expect me to do it!

In order to pay the bills, I have to have kids occupied and not hanging on me...or I may just pay the phone bill twice. I have to track a sheet from my old computer to my online account to know when the bill went through. I have no check registery anymore.

My benefit people want me to do it all online too. They can't help me over the phone anymore and want me to find a pediatric eye doctor through their website...well, I can't. It's not working and no one can help me.

The medical benefit people want me to create an account, scan in birth certificates and upload them to verify my kids are my kids. I have copies I offered to mail (because, actually this would be much quickwer and far more possible to do with three little people around). No thanks...they siad they really prefer we do not mail them in. Sweet! Another 20 minutes on the laptop...fending off the kids.

Scrapbooks and Christmas cards are not just five clicks and done. It takes time, it means decisions, it means many more options than just picking a box that looks good and signing your name to a card with a small note.

Sure it's awesome to contact 20 people at a time to see what they want to bring to something, but if they don't "reply all" suddenly you have 20 salads and no one is bringin a main dish. So we start all over and the inbox fills with reply after reply "RE: potluck".

Don't even start me on the research options of a good carseat and always feeling like you may have missed "the best" deal.

Overwhelming.

And so as I type on this wonderful blog that technology has helped me to create...I can't help but wish I weren't so available to people and able to do so many things at the click of a mouse. Today, a rotary phone and a checkbook sounded mighty good to this mom who spent most her day angry with her kids, so she could "conviently" use the compter to live life. I am not sure this is how it's supposed to go down.

God and I have had a chat. Tomorrow kids win and computer takes the backseat (that is if I manage to not hurl it out the door....). I am going to live life tomorrow the old fashion way...with people!

Influences

2011-11-09T21:17:00.000-08:00

There are so many people raising our kids. Many people worry about the "outside" influences...teachers, friends, parents of friends you don't really know, coaches, etc.. We want the best for our kids and we do our utmost to make it happen. We worry about the wrong influences and pray that God will provide the "right" people in their lives. Today I was reminded, that God is already working on our behalf and there are so many influences already at play...already teaching my kids...way before they even entered the arena of teachers and coaches.

My friend Gini...who had four girls...each so different. She taught me that each child is an individual and needs to be raised that way. She taught me to "learn" your children, try to speak their individual languages to reach them so they can hear you. She also taught me the value of scripture as a teaching tool and my kids can thank her for the verses they know...in leiu of when they speak out of turn, (let no unwholesome words depart from your mouth, only that which are uplifting...), treat each other inconsiderately (be humble, be gentle, be patient and love one another) and when they whine (do everything without grumbling or complaining). I saw Gini parent, I watched her girls grow and I learned so many things and now my kids are learning them too.

My friends K & R, who followed God to India...and took their kids with them. Their kids have been carted half way across the world and while some would fear they would have to deal with all sorts of issues, K & R trusted God in his call and those kids have to be some of the sweetest kids with the most compassionate hearts and greatest understanding of what it means to know and love God at such a young age. And though my kids may not know first hand the amazing people R & K are, (though I am hoping on their furloughs and through life they may come to find out...they will learn SO much more!) my kids have their picture and we pray for them...and my kids are reminded go where God sends you and it is all of our jobs to tell people about Jesus.

My friend Stephanie...who is one of the most patient, understanding and servant hearted people you will ever meet. She has brought this mom lattes on days when all the mommying seemed too much. She has loved my kids and housed them, when mommy brought home the new babies. She has changed her plans, so my kids can be at her house eating chewies, playing in the yard, being tickled, snuggled, loved and doted on. My kids have learned the value of being a friend and knowing another place where God's love abides and they are safe and welcome.

Our friends the Shurtleffs. My kids have vacationed more times than I can count with this clan and spent so many nights eating dinner and crashing at their house so mom and dad could laugh and play games. My kids have learned the importance of friendship from the Shurtleffs. They have learned there are places outside our home that feel like home and that there is family that is not blood.

Pastor Paul and his wife Joanie. I was priviledged to work with him and he would get down on his hands and knees in his office (mind you, he is not exactly a "young" man) and hide behind the desk to pop out and greet my kids. He loved and valued all kids. When in his presence, my kids learned that what a "Pastor" is, one who values, cares and loves his flock....even the littlest. Paul taught me that it's okay to doctor your coffee with a mini reeses peanut butter cup and he and his wife taught me to pray for my kids. And pray more. I know he prays for my kids too...I look forward to the day they can fully appreciate the influence of that.

I could go on, but tonight those are the people who have been on my mind and my heart. And while I understand the caution we need to have with the influences on our kids, I also understand that there are influences we forget about. That we often overlook, take for granted and underestimate. I am grateful for the people God has brought into my life. Times like this, I step back and recognize how incredibley full my life is. More than that, I recognize that my kids have been incredibley blessed from a young age to have such amazing influences. I am thankful...and I am grateful for all my kids have been influenced by...from people other than me!

Today I "worked"

2011-10-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today i went to "work". A friend of mine who cleans houses needed help yesterday and today on a 5500 square foot house. A family was moving in and they wanted a pre cleaning. Just for reference, this house had it's own sports bar and theatre room (with reclining theatre rows, big screen, curtains and what not...crazy).

I left at 7:20 am in the morning and got home at 5:30. I was on my knees scrubbing much of the day. My back hurts, my legs hurt, my knees hurt, my everything hurts. I learned the wonders of water and vinegar and all they can clean and I learned that my house is probably very dirty, considering all the things I cleaned but never touch in my household (it's a good thing I have no blinds...I'd be screwed...those suckers are lame to clean!).

However, I did it all without a person on my leg. I peed when I wanted to. I actually sat down to eat my lunch! FOr that matter, I ate a lunch!!! When I cleaned something, it stayed clean. When I went into abother room, no one was yelling for me. When I drove in the car, I listened to the radio and had no "background music". It was different.

I will admit, I enjoyed a break from the norm. I enjoyed the relative quiet. I enjoyed "work".

But as much as I ache...I can tell you, I missed the "staying at home". I missed loading up the van for a trip to the grocery store and hearding the kids through the aisles. I missed helping little hands trace lines and cleaning the crayons off the table...with "help". I missed going to the park and tracking the boys while following Amanda around the toys...bending over awkwardly to help her from falling down. I missed the laughter at lunch time while the boys made faces and I continually went back and forth to the fridge to get more milk, more carrots and put away all the things trailed across the counter to make a lunch. I missed stuffing some crust in my mouth while moving to the couch for story time. I missed Mandy crawling into my lap anytime I sat down, Brayden's super snugs and Gavin reminding me "I love you mostest more mom". I missed cleaning off boots from outside dirt digging and giddy boys coming in to tell me about their excavations in the sideyard.

I missed my kids and all the well, work, that they are.

Gavin's going to heaven...

2011-10-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

The other night, Gavin and I went out on a "date". He got a new wallet and a Starbucks card for his birthday and he couldn't wait to use it. I had decided that we were going to have a serious talk in the car on the way to Starbucks. The kids have been asking a lot about heaven since my mom's cat died and since Shawn's Grandpa passed away. I wanted to chat with Gavin about it.

I have been struggling lately as to what to tell Gavin. He talks as though everything that dies goes to heaven. He knows that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again to conquer death. He knows God sent Jesus for everyone and God wants everyone in heaven. But he doesn't know about hell. I haven't told him for fear he would be telling everyone under the sun that they are going there if they don't know Jesus. And while I believe this is true, I don't know that declaring it out loud randomly in a grocery line is a way to explain it to people.

I want my child to live in truth. I am not sure why I am so afraid of it sometimes. I think, maybe, it's because I don't like to think about hell either. I don't like to think that some people choose to reject Jesus Christ and his sacrifice that offers us a way to God. It's interesting to me that so many people believe in heaven, but don't want to believe in hell. But, then I like to think about heaven, but avoid thinking about hell...that it's real and people are really going there.

All this to say...I decided to talk with him in the car. I asked him if he knew what sin was...

"Yes, the naughty things we do."

Do we all sin Gavin?

"Yes, everyone."

Even mommy and daddy?

"Yes."

That's right.

Gavin why did Jesus die?

"To save us from our sin. And so we can go to heaven."
Gavin do you know if you ask God to forgive you for your sin and tell him you believe in Jesus, you can go to heaven and be with HIm forever? Do you want to do that?

"Yes."

And so we prayed. And my son asked Jesus into his life and began a journey of following Him.

SO EXCITING! Gavin has Jesus in his heart and a life growing in God ahead of him. It says in the Bible that angels rejoice when we turn to God...and I was rejoicing with them.

I was also rejoice, because I believe God gave me some reprieve from the "hell" conversation with my son. Instead he did have a little conversation with me...reminding me that I need to be mindful that hell is a reality and people are going there. It isn't Gavin that needs to be living in Truth right now, it's me. There is a hell and Jesus is the way to avoid it and live a full life for now and eternity! This is something I need to remember...not for myself, but for a world full of people that don't know. And if they don't know, maybe I'll be brave as I think my son would be and tell them, even if I had to do in the grocery store...I sure hope someone would tell me about Light in this dark world if I didn't know!

September in the Ryan household

2011-09-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it's that time of year again. In Washington, the sun just starts to make it's appearance and it's off to school we go (: Shawn is back working late nights and I am back filling out insane amounts of paper work and appointments, from health insurance and yearly check ups to dentists and preschool forms. We have definitely hit September hard.
For our family, this also means birthday time. We celebrated Gavin's 5th and Amanda's 1st, exactly one week apart. So crazy...my first born is getting so old and my baby isn't a baby anymore. With Amanda's candle blown out, I really felt like we were hitting a new phase of life. One without cradles, bottles, rattles and burp clothes. For the most part, the baby stuff has been sold off or given away and we are moving on. It is so bitter sweet and I am sure i will be processing this change for the next year with each new thing Mandy outgrows.
This year, Brayden & Gavin both went to preschool. It is really an interesting phenomenon to me. Brayden, my wild child, with crazy antics and disregard for deocrum, hides behind my leg and quietly enters the classroom with backwards looks and a tentative step. Gavin, my more serene child, with a more contemplative attitude marches forth and only pauses momentarily when i grab his arm to drop a kiss on his cheek. Then marches confidently into the classroom. It's like their personalities make a switch on the school grounds. I will be very interested to see how they both do. It's Bray's first time goin' completely alone into his "own" thing without his brother by his side. I am excited for him! Gavin, I know will love it.
Amanda gets a little more time too. She does nap for some of their time, but we definitely get more one on one with the boys gone. I think she has decided to use it to hone in on her skills of Drama. She has perfected the fit and has quite a nice head to the floor sobbing technique. She is proving to be just as different from the boys as possible. I am not sure how one can have three "opposites" but it seems to be so. I guess I'll have to hit the drawing board once again for parenting techniques...but if i have learned anything with parenting, it's to not expect an easy out, just be grateful when you do catch the breaks!
And so, life is, as always in the parenting world, ever changing. I feel as though God has our family in a state of transition on so many levels right now and I am doing my best to hear his voice and not panic at all the changes and unknown. I am a creature of structure and habit and it is hard for me to wait on things and move into new territory. But I do feel like he is growing me as a wife and a parent. We have cut back on many things and I am working hard to be intentional about adding activites into our lives and not just filling time. It has been good. Hard, but good.
I think the kids are at some key transitional stages too, which is also hard, but good. Daily I look upwards asking God for the patience I need to follow through without blowing a up or self combusting. He has been faithful, for which I am so thankful (as are the kids i am sure...they don't know how much God has protected them from my natrual state of frustration and impatience...i really feel like he has given me the strength to keep calm and steady in all the transition).
So that is what's up with the Ryans. Random September chaos. Fun, good, hard and crazy...but we are making it with God's grace and God's gift of laughter, we are doin' good!

Zucchini and Bras

2011-08-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

Here is the thing about being a mom...you lose your pride in many areas, but then in a few others you gain some. Certain things that used to matter so much fall to the way side and things that you used to roll your eyes at are suddenly fantastic. You stop worrying about quality furniture (which is just going to get trashed in the next few years) and how cushy your couch is and you get pumped about how soft the pampers swaddlers diapers are and that they now sell them up to size three. It's backwards and weird but it happens.

The last few weeks two strange things happened. First, I bought bras in the girls department. That's right...not for a little girl mind you, but for me. I was passing by with the section and noticed that it was a quality brand that I had purchased before, but it was 2 bras for $18. Not only that...they were on sale for $12!!! Unbelieveable, you can't even get a bra strap for $12 in the "big girl's' section.

I have never been super concerned about my chest, or lack there of. It is what it is. (Obviously, here I am blogging about it) However, buying them out of the girls section was a tad on the humbling side. (Especially when I realized I wasn't even getting the bigger sizes). Yet I realize, it was such a great deal that I am all proud of my find and how thrifty I am for using what I have (or don't have as the case may be).

Second thing that happened...I grew a garden. Well, I have been growing one for awhile, but I am now harvesting the rewards. Tonight alone we ate a casserole dish including onions, carrots and zucchini from our garden and I brought in, washed and bagged up tons of lettuce and more of the carrots and zucchini.

I have never been a really green thumb or very culinary. Haven't cared too much about it. Yet here I am watering, tending, and caring for my garden and walking inside, shoulders back with a zucchini the size of my forearm. "Look at me, I am the next Sisco!" Chop Chop Chop. Cooking away. Never been my gig, but suddenly I am so proud of the organic little spread my family has for the next month or so.

And I don't know why, but for some reason these two things have been a great representation to me of just how much being a mother, a parent, changes our perspective on life. How God has used these kids and our new responsibilities to mold us and shape us into people who care more about what goes in us...like fresh zucchini, than what goes on us, like a fashion super bra. (Small disclaimer: I still love to feed the kids kraft mac n' cheese and I still love my unnecessary northface coat...baby steps here).

I know there are countless ways in which my priorities and perspective have changed since motherhood. So far, I am thankful for the influence they've had, because God is using them to teach me to look beyond self and care more about their lives than mine. Just as He did for us, with His Son Jesus. And the more I can learn this lesson, the more I can be like Him.

Learning to speak

2011-08-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

It is interesting to me, that just when I think I have learned something and am I starting to make headway on a weakness I am once again reminded how very falable (sp?) I am. I clearly remember my mother telling me when I was younger, "that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one day, and I am not going to be able to fix it." Boy was she right....

God warns us about taming our tongues and there are days where I feel like I have come so far. To quote Anne of Green Gables, "If you only knew all the things I wanted to say but didn't". I really have built up quite the filter, but I am learning that the holes in it are still quite large. Whether or not I am trying to be hurtful (which I have grown up enough that this is rarely intentional) I can unintentionally hurt people so easily by just not thinking before speaking. Isn't this like a 5 year olds lesson? Seriously! I just would have thought I had it by now.

I used to get angry when people didn't speak up and silently listened. Now, I just want to be them. I want to learn to keep snappy retorts to myself, opinions that cause others to stumble inside and second hand stories silenced. It seems pretty simple and I am not sure why my brain and my mouth find it so hard to comply and get along. I have come up with some basic rules I am trying to live by...

If you wonder if you should say it...don't.

Silence is golden, consider getting rich.

Now...I do have a lot of words I feel the need to use each day, so I will have to figure out a way to use them. Currently it has been apologizing to people, but if I follow my two rules...I am hoping to see the end of this trend. I have considered getting Gavin a knock knock joke book so I won't have to listen to the same jokes over and over. Maybe if I learn a few I can just throw those out in heated conversations or when I have the overwhelming urge to offer up my not needed opinion or involve myself in a conversation that I do not need to be a part of. However, if they are as bad as the current jokes he uses, I could be apologizing for those too!

Daddy wonderful

2011-07-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

So, my husband has been daddy wonderful lately. With the month of July off, he's been filling our kids days with tons of fun and laughter. The other night I actually asked him if he thinks he's dying, "because, you're really making the most of every moment and livin' life to the fullest." He laughed at me.
It has been good for me to watch, but also humbling. Shawn is amazing at trying to make the most of things and let go of the "to-do" list, in order to enjoy life. Don't get me wrong, he still gets stuff done, but he doesn't exhaust himself or put himself on a ridiculous deadline to do it. I do. In the meantime, he is taking the kids on bike rides, letting them run around in their underwear all day, made mud pies in the 'watertable', use their sled to go dirt sledding in our backyard, made family waterballoon fights and had campfires in the backyard until "way past bedtime". The kids have been in heaven.
I was telling my mother, the kids are going to have a rude awakening this next Monday when all they have is mom. Mom who does the laundry, does the dishes and drags them on errands to such fun places as the grocery store and if their lucky, the library. It is a humbling experience to realize that I am just not a bundle of fun. I definitely lack Shawn's spontaneity and I am just learning to 'slow down' and not have to move at such a rapid pace.
Sometimes it bothers me. I get frustrated that things aren't working on my schedule and arent' going to get finished. However, Shawn always manages to finish what he said he would (maybe not as soon as I'd like, but he will always get a job done) and he has a way of keeping my kids smiling, while he's smiling too. I think it bothers me because I'd like to be a bit more like him. Some might call it jealousy. I probably would if I were willing to admit it.
On the flip side, I realize, Shawn is trying to cram into a month, the time I get with the kids for the rest of the year. He is trying to capture laughter, joy, hugs, kisses and smiles to carry him through another 11 months. Oh, he'll get some vacation here and there, but the job does weigh on him and his shoulders carry a weight during those months that can almost be seen physically.
And so I am trying to set aside my jealousy of how much my kids have smiled and laughed in the last four weeks and be thankful that they have daddy wonderful. I am trying to learn from him and get some tips on how to chill out a little and let things slide a bit more. I am trying to give myself some grace for not always being "super fun" because, the reality is, I am still doing my job of laundry, dinners, groceries, laundry, cleaning, scheduling and laundry.
In the end...mostly, I am realizing how lucky I am to have married a man who does know how to make the most of every moment and is passing that onto our children....they are so very blessed to have daddy wonderful.

Laughter and Time outs

2011-07-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

Brayden. Brayden Brayden Brayden. Even as I type this, I hear him giggling in the family room. The child carries such a joyful spirit with him and induces smiles in most people he sees. (Those that don't smile, I think are just natural grumps or the victim of his careless behavior). Lately, he has been such an incredible handful...I have even found Gavin getting frustrated and correcting him. Can someone enjoy life too much? If so, Brayden's the man.
He just gets so into his little world and his moment that he takes no heed to the consequences of his actions...stepping on toes, hug tackling people unaware, pulling knives out of drawers to "just go cut something", splashing his swim teacher in the face, twirling in circles during karate to see the lights on the ceiling spin...the list goes on. He really does not have a malicious spirit, but neither does he have a spirit of obedience or submission to Shawn or I. It is SO difficult right now.
Watching him take on the world is both entertaining and scary. He has such tenacity and truly gets into life. But he does not listen and it is not because there have not been consequences or discipline. He's even gotten to the point where he does things and says, "Sooooorry" in the sing song voice of an attitudinal teenager...He's just three! It's ridiculous.
I love him so much. I desperately desire for him to learn to obey...not just for my sake, but for his own safety. I want him to learn to take time and think before acting and to know what it means to come under authority and respect those in charge. It will help in life so much and if he learns it now, it can save him so many unsavory consequences later. It sounds huge for a three year old, but I'm just talking about the ability to stop when I say stop, so a Mac truck doesn't take him out! I know he can do it.
The key is...I want him to learn without breaking the spirit that is 'Brayden'. I do not want to steal his joy or wipe out the unexplainable contagious smile that comes from watching him in action. I just am not entirely sure how to do it.
Tonight he came into the kitchen with his bright red fire socks on and his feet looking like deformed duck feet. He had shoved his marbles in his socks and looked up and us as he started sliding around and with the giggles he declared "I'm marbley skating...look at me go." We had tears in our eyes we were laughing so hard at all the fun he was having.
Our creative, willful, giggly, stubborn, smiley, crazy, joyful little boy. All I can do right now is pray that, as we "look at him go", God goes oh so closely with him!

For now

2011-07-11T16:54:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile...life is good. God is good. Our family has gotten to vacate a little and we have enjoyed being "a family". Together.
I am still daily working through the beauty/frustration that is parenting, but was recently given a great little tidbit of wisdom. "There are a lot of Methods on parenting...it's the Principal you need to make sure is Godly. Those are the only things you can't waiver on." Good call. I feel like one thing works with Gavin and it's the way to go then Brayden completely blows the method to pieces...and I am off searching for a new one. It was a nice reminder, that as long as I am aiming to teach them Godly principals...I am doin' okay. Beyond even that, it was a nice reminder, that if I lean on God and really follow His direction, it's completly out of my hands...how freeing!!
That's been my latest revelation in the parenting world. The kids are growing so fast and going so fast, it is hard to document...hard to even remember to get out the camera! But I am trying. I want to capture the cuteness that is Amanda, the sweetness that is Gavin, and the silliness that is Brayden. I want to remember that I have moved past the episodes of spit up covering every surface of my body. I want to remember the day Brayden walked out of his room after officially dressing himself, chest puffed out, thumb pointing to self claiming, "I did it. Yup." I don't want to forget the first time Gavin told a joke and it was actually funny.
It's hard to capture it all. I am trying. I am definitely enjoying where we are at and these little ones that I have for this short time!

A prayer for the now!

2011-06-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's nearly here...summer vacation! Everyone thinks the kids are the most excited, but I think, quite possibly, my excitement could overshadow any kids. Daddy will be home for a full month! Waaaa-hooo!
I know there are those out there who have the mentality of "teachers get all the breaks off" and are soo lucky. They have great schedules and what not, but I'll tell ya what, I could get on a soapbox about how much more time the man should get and the ridiculousness that he deals with (not to mention, we have to vacation always when all the kids are out and prices sky rocket). However...I won't.
I will say we are excited to have him home and have been trying to bide our time until he's available. He has been working late hours trying to tie up the school year and we've been trying to fill those hours up. The kids are in swim lessons and Brayden is taking karate (very fun), so most our afternoons are filled. We have been attempting to meet friends and do play dates...if the sun would cooperate, this could be much more fun. I really am starting to get disgruntled with the weather!
During July we have lots of plans and I am hoping we haven't packed ourselves too full. We are camping lots and I really want the boys to continue swimming. With three kids, we figure we are out numbered in the water and someone has to be able to keep themselves afloat!
I did realize, I am looking so forward to July, I am merely wading through June....just trying to get by. It's not the best way to do it and not that fantastic an example for my kids. Just plugging along is no way to live and I recently, after a little prayer and reflection, came to the conclusion that every minute is one worth attempting to live with intentionality. I am a firm realist and do realize that here are going to probably be many minutes wasted and ones that were anything but intentional. However, living with the constant looking ahead and planning for "later" really defeats having significant "now" time.
It is a challenge for me. I am tired. Tired of the rain. Tired of late hours. Tired of whining. Tired of buckling three kids in the car just to get coffee creamer. Tired of bad hair days and no time to try and remedy them (this may not change even with time). Tired of being tired.
Still...I am attempting to resolve to hit the caffeine hard and make something of the day. Even if there is just ONE great teachable moment...that is better than a whole lot of insignificant ones that my kids don't remember...or even worse poorly executed moments that my kids do remember.

So Lord Here is my prayer for the "Now"
Give me abounding love for the uniqueness that is in each of my kids, joy in doing the daily routine, peace about all the things I think "need" to get done, but are no where near done, patience to play on the floor and do one more round of Hi Ho Cherrio, kindness to include my children when they want to help with things, even though it usually makes it harder, goodness to go out of my way to serve others, even after a long day, gentleness to guide my kids hands over and over in teaching, and self control to correct and discipline with a heart like Yours!

A day not quite worth repeating

2011-05-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

So...today was in fact a Monday. I decided, with nothing on the calendar, I was going to get stuff done. About 8:30, I decided we were going to be at the consignment store by 9:00 to consign the jumparoo that takes up an enormous amount of space and only serves to make Amanda scream. Got the kids packed and loaded and drove on down. Upon getting there I realize...oh yeah, my $96 in credit was stolen along with my wallet, so there will be no browsing. Lame. Chin up, at least I was second in line.
We make it through this relatively effortlessly, head to the fabric store to buy some fabric for a dress I want to make as a gift (with all the time I don't have). The boys are relatively good and Amanda is doing swell, considering we are about an hour past nap.
Get home, feed Amanda, lay her down and turn on a show so I can make the million phone calls I need to make (okay about 3, but it feels like a million when kids are around). I proceed. It is amazing what it takes to get to the dentist and get the van into the shop. I have to coordinate with about way too many people so that I can get my teeth cleaned and get a van to and from the shop (it is extremely hard to find someone available who has enough seats to take me and the kids all down to get the van when it's done...not to mention they never give you a firm time of pick up).
I then spend forever (about 45 minutes...which is WAY too much time for coupon hunting online) trying to find coupons online for the few items I need at the grocery store. I got these "doubler" coupons in my mom's newspaper and thought I'd try them. I have friends who are phenomenal at saving money this way. I come up with nothing! Finally I found a few items I could use (but are not on my list, of course) and decide to go with those, instead of just wasting these "golden coupons".
Reload the kids. We hit the bank and McDonalds. Not only did I succumb to the golden arches, but I actually fed some to Mandy. Oh how the mighty have fallen. My kids are spending the day in their carseats and eating french fries. Just wrong. I took them on a 2.5 mile hike this weekend and and making up for all that exercise in one foul swoop!
We head into Albertsons (where the special coupons are from..but where I barely ever shop) and start roaming the aisles looking for things. It is so hard when you aren't at one of your well known stores! The boys are actually being great, but my patience is wearing thin anyway...my mom voice totally starts to kick in. Just about then Brayden says the magic words, "Potty! Potty!" Of course, why wouldn't he have to go when I am in the grubbiest store near me! Yuck.
Finish that and attempt to finish shopping. Out of the 7 coupons I printed to double, the store carried only 1 of the items. ONE! So lame. I wondered around forever to get jack squat that I needed! Not to mention, of course the items I want were not on sale and I got suckered into 10 for $10 on lunchables...and after I fed the kids McDonalds for lunch I couldn't believe I was buying them, but they just seemed so easy for picnics (that's the optimist in me, believing that somehow Washington is gonna turn itself around and get some sunshine again) and fell into my cart. So of course, I spent more than I wanted on items I didn't want. Grrrr.
Grumpy we get back in the car for our last errand. Signing the boys up for swim lessons. Manda poops. I had changed a poopy diaper before we left, so decided I didn't need a diaper bag. Awesome.
We get there...go to the front desk, get sent to the pool, back to the front desk. We are done. Go back to the van. It stinks like McDonalds and baby poop. Not a good combo, but representative of my day.
We are back home and Mandy has approximately 45 minutes to nap before karate. I cannot decide if I am proud of all that I got done, or disappointed at all I drug my kids through. Maybe a little of both. Some days it seems I am super mom and super bomb all in one. Either way, I think I will chalk this day up to one I choose not to repeat.

Mother's Day

2011-05-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

Every Mother's Day, I sit and write a letter/prayers for my kids. I look forward to it and dread it all at the same time. I look forward to it, because well, I don't really journal for my kids. I think it's a great idea, but the reality is I barely have time to write things on my hand so I remember a dentist appointment...what makes me think I'll have time to write down the daily doings of life!? I refuse to try this, for I am sure I will quit and some point and then feel like a failure, never to take it up again.* (I do kind of consider this blog a journal...kind of). I do have a "words to remember" book, I write down their funny sayings in, but it is not a record of who they are, how they are growing, and the prayers and dreams I have for them. And so I look forward to this day, where I reflect on my year of mothering my kids...of all they are and all I pray for them to be.
I also dread this time. How do you trap a year into a few hours of writing? (Ahem...maybe this is why some mother's keep a regular journal and write daily. Please note *) And how do you fit little personalities onto a page? How do you confine prayers so heartfelt and full, to sentences. How can you possibly write down your love for a child? Who knows? But still I try.
Every year on Mother's day, I sit with my pen and write in my sloppy handwriting (I think there is something about seeing handwriting, no matter how sloppy and knowing it was written for you). I write to each of the kids, explaining how they've grown, who they are becoming in my eyes, and write down the prayers I pray for them as they grow. I write to them as a whole, of who they are to each other and the prayers I have for their bonds to grow stronger and be the support they need for each other in this crazy world. I try my best to put on the page the love and joy each of them bring to my life.
And then, without re-reading it...I close the book and pray that one day they will read this and KNOW beyond a doubt, that I love them dearly and God loves them more than that!
I still haven't decided when I will give them this book. Maybe I won't. Maybe they can just have it when I go meet Jesus. Of course, I feel a little guilty that there are three of them and one book...someone is gonna have a lot of copying to do. But I'll be with Jesus at that point and won't really care.
No matter what the book does for them, it has helped me to recognize the great love I have for these kids, the great hopes and dreams I pray come true for them, the amazing personalities and quirks God has placed in them, the incredible joy they provide, just in being a part of our family, and how terribly I will miss them when they grow up and take on the adventure in the great big world.
I am thankful to this book, because, let's face it ladies...Mother's day isn't always daisies and sunshine...many times, it's us packing a picnic for the family and doing the laundry after a day at the park, cleaning up the glitter glue "present" they made that fell onto the van floor, finding a place for the homemade cards to be proudly displayed, breaking up arguments about who gets to help unwrap the present and generally being a mom. (Sidenote: my husband gave me some nice time off and a Starbucks card, he tried his best and I am quite thrilled!) But sometimes, Mother's Day is you have to be the mommiest you ever were. And at the end of a day like that, this little book helps me to remember, just why I do it. For those little people who make my life so full!

Things that should make you go "Hmmm?"

2011-04-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

So I am seeing more and more that some of the sentences I utter in this parenting journey are quite funny. At the time I think nothing of them. But in retrospect it makes you think..."I can't believe that seems normal. Here are just a sampling of the last few days.

-Stop sitting on your brother's head...he doesn't want you to hatch him anymore.
-Oh, that's just a little pee on your underwear...it's fine, put it back on.
-I'm sorry your sad, but you were the one to drop your grape in the toilet and you may not eat it.
-Get the firetruck out of your pants.
-Gav, can you wipe the puke on the floor, I'm just gonna get the puke down my shirt and then we can play a game.
-You can't go poop off the side of the deck, just pee.
-Get off my leg while I am making dinner or I won't let you hold onto it again!
-You both want to be Goliath? Doesn't anyone wanna be David?
-You wiped yourself? Let me check your bum.

Just a few that come to mind. I really need to be writing these down more often. They say kid's say the darndest things, but really...I think some of the sayings we utter as parents are just as ridiculous. All of the sudden, pee, poop and baby puke are no big deal and we chat about it as freely as we do the weather. All I can say is, I will be sad to see my kids grow up, but I will be ready to once again think it is abnormal to offer to check after they wipe!

The Latest Pic

2011-04-20T09:18:00.001-07:00

A tad on the "too pastel" side, but not too shabby!

Lessons from Gavin

2011-04-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

Gavin is like me in so many ways. He is concrete sequential, he likes things in their place, he likes to talk, he doesn't like things to get too dirty and he just has peculiarities about things...like how tight his shoes are, if his tag is down on his shirt or if his sleeves scrunch up when he puts his coat on (all of these things bothered me as a kid and when Gavin whines about it I just cringe at how obnoxious I was for my poor mom, it makes getting out the door quite the to-do).
Now I know this makes him sound a little bit like the Rainman, which he is not. He still plays in the mud, actually prefers not to wear his coat, breaks the rules quite frequently and can be quite silly. But overall, he is a ducks in a row kinda kid and he likes to tell others how things work, the rules and in general...tell you how it is.
Today, sitting at the table, we unloaded his preschool bag. There were two coloring pictures. One of Jesus on the cross and one of Jesus coming out of the tomb. Brayden says, "What are those? Whose that?"
Gavin needing no further prompting to talk and share his wealth of knowledge, proceeded to sit Brayden down and tell him what he knows.
"See Bray, that's Jesus on the cross. He got nailed there for our sin. That's the naughty stuff we do. We all sin. But Guess what?" he whispered. "He didn't stay dead!"
Really animated with hands out to his sides, Gavin opens his eyes so wide and exclaims, "He's alive! Isn't that exciting!"
Brayden, getting all caught up in it, "Yeah, exciting!"
Now, I know Gavin doesn't truly grasp this whole concept of Jesus conquering death and taking on the sins of the world. I understand that the concept of salvation and our need for it, may be a bit much for him right now and he is reiterating what he has been told (heck, even I can't comprehend the enormity of it). He's still got a ways to go in true understanding of it all. (Awhile ago he asked, how God lives in heaven and in our hearts and wanted to know if God takes us to heaven in a really tiny airplane. Gavin's just sure He does.) However, it did my heart wonders to know that he has been listening. That it it is sinking in as we talk about Jesus, tell Him that God loves him and share the Gospel with our son. God says the word hides in our heart and that it won't return void...to know that Gavin's heart is already hiding it away is so great!
I continue to pray that my kids will know Jesus intimately. And I will continue to do my best to direct them towards the things of God. I am finding as I do this, often God uses the moments to teach me and remind me of who He is and how much He really does love us.
Today's lesson:
Though I do Bible studies, I go to church, and I ponder some of the bigger questions about God...it really does come down the the childlike excitement that "Jesus is alive! Isn't that exciting!"

Flexiblity

2011-04-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am not one typically known for being flexible. I am type "A". I have a plan. I have spreadsheets and I love excel. I Enjoy to-do lists and prefer to have little bullets, if possible. I even get excited when I have time to try and make my grocery list in order of the aisles I shop. I like structure. Some would say too much. Due to this, I have been praying that God would make me more flexible. Be able to go better with the flow and bend a little more easily.
The last two weeks have tested me to the max! Two Sunday's ago, we moved to a hotel to have our hardwoods redone, due to a leak from our water heater. This required us moving the majority of our house, to the minority of our house. It also made me feel compelled to repaint our room since it was accidentally touched up with a shade of blue, different than the original and to put up new trim, since it is the only room without white trim and closet. Along with that, it was time to paint the trim in our house, so we decided this should be done after the floors were finished.
The night we moved in, was the night we heard all of Shawn's cousin's were flying in, because his Grandpa had surgery and was going downhill fast. The beginning of the week was spent waiting to hear news, spontaneous get togethers with family, many phone calls, and trying to make life at a hotel fun for the kids. Wednesday Grandpa passed away. Friday was the funeral. It was also Shawn's birthday and the first time I had kept a surprise from him...I had bought him tickets to the 5th avenue. It also happened to be the day we were scheduled to go paint the trim, set up some of our house. Those plans got laid aside.
Saturday we set up some of the house, painted, and moved me and the kids to my mom's because it still stunk to high heaven. Monday night Gavin woke at my mom's three times. The next day we went to the clinic and he had a double ear infection. I came out of the clinic to find a note saying someone witnessed a Honda back into my van and drive away. Wednesday everything I tried to accomplish failed, from e-mailig the receipts to Pemco for reimbursement for the hotel and meals to going to the bank to get money (it works better if you remember your wallet). Thursday the electric door to the van, which we had replaced in August broke again and was stuck open.
Thursday I broke. I went ballistic and had my melt down. Up to this point it was almost laughable, but the van door sent me over. Brayden just looked at me and said,
"The door's broke mom. I sorry. It's okay."
I sniffed, hugged him and sent up yet another call out to God and then called my sister. Through many tears, I explained the situation and once again, God came through.
Here's what I mean in once again...in all of this, I have been keeping track, and though it has been hard and frustrating, God has provided, walked with us and blessed us as He stretched and pulled to mold us.
The hotel: Here's a shout out to Embassy Suites. It was awesome, we had a seperate space for the kids. They got to swim up to three times a day. Great food in the mornings and snacks/drinks at night. We loved it there and it gave the kids adventure as we sat and waited to see what the family needed.
The family: Shawn's cousin's are so fun and his family so great. We got to spend time with people we hadn't seen in a long time and they are truly loving and enjoyable.
The funeral: Grandpa was a true patriarch and loved dearly. He also loved Jesus and was ready to see him. He lived a long life and a good one. He is dancing with Jesus now and that makes it so much easier to let him go!
The Birthday: We got to give our tickets to friends who love to go to the theater and Shawn already picked another show he really wanted to see.
The house: We got it somewhat put back together and thanks to much help from my mom...we have nice fresh paint on our room, our closet and our trim.
The receipts: Shout out for Pemco, who was really understanding and worked with me.
The sickness: When Gavin woke up in the night, so did Amanda...my mom slept with Gavin and I took Amanda and we made it through. My mom works at the clinic and had him an appointment scheduled before the clinic even opened.
The car accident: The damage was minimal and it really won't affect the driving.
The van door: It was covered under warrenty. My sister happened to have no plans (for anyone who knows her...this alone is a miracle) and her kids were at daycare that day...so she could come out and follow me there (as I drove with the door wide open and excessive beeping the whole way). We also got a free rental until it's fixed.

I took away a few really important things from the past weeks. First and foremost a big reminder: for any doubters out there, God does answer prayer. I prayed to be more flexible and God went with it. I will say, I was hoping to be more ushered into the flexibility and not receive the crash course. I guess next time I'll have to pray more specifically about that.
Also, I learned that when we pray to be more like Christ, He gives us eyes to see more like Him. I don't think I would have seen the blessings He provided along the way, had I not been begging Him to help me. And if I took away anything at all this week it's this: looking at things through His eyes you get a much better view.

Wonderful Counselor

2011-03-25T20:04:00.001-07:00

Life is busy. We have preschool, soccer, cubbies, Mops, Bible Study and in between we try to see the friends, get the grocery shopping done and some relatively nutritional meals on the table. Dad has been swamped and at home maybe one night a week before the kids go to bed. We are all a little tired.
There are days I am overwhelmed by the simple task of getting all the kids clothes on and then there are days, where we are actually all dressed, fed, ready to go and out the door early, with enough time to drive thru and get coffee. (After all, who doesn't deserve an award for getting out the door early with three kids clothed and fed and not screaming like crazy nuts?) I have yet to find a rhyme or reason to why sometimes it's a go and sometimes it's not and frankly, I am not sure I will. I am definitely learning to take life as it comes. Well, getting slightly better at it anyway.
After sitting back and feeling slightly overwhlemed I have already made some adjustments to our schedule next year to cut out a few things and consolidate some others, so hopefully we won't be so crazy scheduled. My kids are too young to be there already and I am working on not heading down the path. We Americans tend to drive ourselves into the ground and I am noticing it starts younger and younger. I am not so sure why we have this sense we need to always be doing more.
I think of my schedule and the schedule of the moms around me and it really is just insane all we try to cram in. On top of it, often I get the sense that there is something else I should be doing. I am beginning to wonder if Satan uses this to bog me down and make me believe that raising my kids, giving my attention to them and focusing on their hearts and their souls isn't enough. I know God would say it is.
Don't get me wrong. I do believe God has other things for me to do...places to serve, people to love, and offerings to give. But I also believe my first priority is my husband and my kids and right now, my JOB is to mold, shape and point my little ones to Jesus. Sometimes I forget and in the day to day routine it doesn't seem like enough and I add more to my plate without consulting Him. Oh if only I learned faster
He calls Himself Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father. And me in my infinite wisdom, truck along without checking and wonder why I feel so overbooked, under prepared and emotionally drained. Hmmm? He costs nothing, He's always available and He's the best out there...Why is it I wait so long to seek His counsel, His strength and His love? Too busy doin' my own thing, I guess. However, I can tell you this...I am working on scheduling more sessions with Him. I think even He'd agree those are worth putting on the calendar!

Sneaky

2011-03-20T20:53:00.001-07:00

I was doing my Bible Study tonight and reading a passage in Ezekiel where the elders of Israel are going into dark rooms and worshiping idols, claiming "The Lord does not see, He has forsaken the Land". As though, being in a dark room might keep it a secret from God. He's not stupid...He's omnipotent! I sat there pondering...how they could possibly think they are being sneaky? Probably in the same way I think God won't notice that I didn't crack my Bible all week and seek His advice on life, until...oh say just now...where I decide to go all judgmental on the elders of Israel!
It is funny to me that we think sometimes we can sneak stuff pass God. I do it all the time...maybe he won't notice if I don't follow that urge He's given me, maybe He's to busy to care if I brought my heart issues to Him, or if I just took out my grief on those around me today. Does he laugh or cry? I think if I were God, there would be quite a bit of both. It's like watching our kids (Brayden specifically) sneak into the pantry and get in the candy jar, thinking we won't hear the tic tacs, let alone notice the green saliva dripping from his stuffed mouth when he comes out. On one hand, I want to run to the other room and have a good belly laugh, on the other, my stomach knots up, because I know he is now going to be disciplined and pay the consequences of his actions.
Some people want to think that God is far off and doesn't take time for the details, I think this may be because they want to believe they can sneak by. But here is what I was reminded of tonight...we are not sneaky. We are dumb. Unfortunately for these people and fortunately for these people, God does take an interest in every aspect of our lives and our hearts...so we might as well stop hiding and start turning on the lights and cleaning out the dark rooms. Whether we worship money, our husband, our kids, our neighbors...whatever we put before our God...it's gotta go. Out of first place and into second.
I once again ended my Bible study, with the ever theological and oh so deep..."Yay Jesus!" How grateful I am for someone who can save me from myself and a God, who while He still does discipline and allow consequences for actions, He also offers up extreme grace and mercy to a silly child like me who thinks she can be sneaky.

The routine

2011-02-27T21:06:00.000-08:00

It's been a whirlwind around here. We have been doing fun things, routine things, and dealing with the unexpected, but all in all, just living life. I feel like there is so little time in a day, but the days seem to stretch into eternity (especially when there are missed naps). Every morning I wake up and have a list of things I want to accomplish. It usually goes something like this...
Laundry
Shower
Clean up the kitchen
Clean up one other thing (bathroom, vacuum, our room, the office, maybe even the kids)
I also usually get all motivated in the morning, looking at the things I have been meaning to do and decide on something I want to do when the kids go to bed...be it sew one of the many projects I have, complete our taxes (or even start them for that matter), catch up on the blog, catch up on the kids photo albums, bake something...the list goes on.

Then my day happens. A slow paced day goes something like this...
I put in a load of laundry. I get all the kids fed. I jump in the shower while Mandy sleeps and the kids have room time. I get dressed. The boys get dressed. Mandy wakes up and gets dressed. Mandy proceeds to puke all over me and her fresh outfit and we have already managed to defeat my first to accomplishments of the day...laundry and shower. But that's okay...we wipe ourselves with a baby wipe, throw the first load in the dryer and the next load in.
Then I let the kids play while I try to clean up the kitchen from breakfast. By the time I have come out, Mandy needs to be fed and the boys have definitely made at least one room messier than it was before, if not multiple rooms.
At this point I usually have them clean their toys and watch a show while I feed Mandy. When we are done, I make them turn off the Tv and listen to them beg for more shows. (What they don't understand is that if I let them watch too much in the morning, I will feel horrible letting them watch more if I need to pull it out of my back pocket at night because my patience is at it's lowest ...really, I am serving them here!) Then we try to find something like play dough, a game, puzzles or what not to occupy them while I fold laundry.
After a few activities, we make lunch, attempt to clean the kitchen again. Mandy eats again and pukes again. We both change clothes again. We play some more. Getting things out, putting things back. Correcting, correcting, correcting. We change diapers, go through burp clothes, wipe noses, wipe bottoms, wipe spills and wipe tears. Then praise be to God...it's naptime. But alas, Gavin is 4 and thinks he doesn't need a nap. We negotiate a quiet time activity. One out of three days he sleeps...the others he plays for an hour in his room, then out he comes ready to play, but definitely with a grumpier demeanor. All the while, I try to clean up one room in the house for real, and make the others at least look like things are in their place.
Brayden wakes up and snuggles and whispers in my ear, "nack". Snack time.
We have snacks and chat for awhile, then it's back to the drawing board on finding things to occupy time. For some reason it is about 100x harder post nap to be creative and things hold kid's attention span about 100x less than they did before nap. A very strange phenomenon indeed.
I start on dinner. The kids have to be hearded out of the kitchen about 10x during this process. Mandy gets in her jumper or exersaucer and about 10 minutes in, pukes again. I start another load of laundry. We eat dinner and feed Mandy...and you got it, she pukes again.
We clean the kitchen and settle in for some legos or some games at the coffee table. Finally it is approaching bed time and we do our clean up for the night...we put toys away and various other things that have managed to be drug out or left behind during the daily doings.
We all go to the boys bedroom to get on our pajamas. The clothes come off, potty tries are made, diapers changed. Pajamas go on, teeth get brushed, we pick out books. We read. We pray. We go to bed.
I puts in the last load of laundry. I look at my list.
Laundry...well, I did about three loads, but it's still going
Shower...yes, but the distinct odor of spit up seems to be emanating from somewhere on my body
Clean the kitchen....did it twice, but there is still an empty bottle and some dishes from dinner.
Clean one other things...well, it seems as though I cleaned about a thousand, but nothing looks especially shiny or fresh.
And for some reason, I have completely lost my motivation to start that project I was oh so motivated to do.
It is a fortunate thing that children are so peaceful and appealing when they sleep, because at the end of the day, when you tuck them in for the very last time, it all seems worth it and gives you just enough to get up and do it all again. You think to yourself, "Who knows, maybe tomorrow the motivation will stick and that project will be tackled". Or, "Maybe the spilled OJ won't stick and my kitchen table will still be shiny at the end of the day".
Either way...you'll do it again, because when you see those sleepy little faces, hands tucked under cheeks, something inside you melts and all the chaos and redundant jobs of the day fade away. I think maybe I am going to take their pictures like this and stick them up above the washing machine and the kitchen sink. Now there is a brilliant idea!

My little Brayden

2011-02-17T16:25:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a conversation with a friend and a deep conversation with God, I have had a revelation about my son Brayden...he is just 2.5 years old. Now, this may not seem like a revelation, seeing as I was at his birth and all, but truly, it was a divine moment.
I had been struggling with Bray and his independent spirit. He is so full of life, but so full of defiance as well. Not an out right maliciousness, just a testing and pushing kind of defiance. All the time.
I had been struggling as a parent how to work with this. If I punished him every time he said "no" he would be punished all day long and I do not want his days to consist of continual negative interactions. After talking with a dear friend, who teaches parenting classes, a certain line stuck with me..."Work on one thing at a time, remember...he's just 2.5". That night as I prayed, this line kept coming back. He's just two. He's just two. I kept asking God, "What's your point?" And then it hit me...I treat him just like Gavin...who is four and a half. I expect him to understand directions, I expect the same timely follow through on those directions, and I expect him to obey the directions.
In a strange way, this is a credit to Brayden. He is so verbal, so quick, very bright, understands a great deal and is quite capable. But still...he's just two (well, three in April, but still). So I have just been going alonng, and due to his little advancements, expecting him to keep up with his brother.
Oh...I wanted to cry, I felt like such a bad mom. Not that I had been horrible to the kid, but just that I had expectations of him that were unfair and caused us to butt heads way more than necessary.
The next day, I saw my little guy in a whole new light. I saw how smart he was, how much he does do right, and how much he needed his mom to back off a bit and show him how to do things, encourage him along and not just demand he do it himself. It has made a world of difference. We have been laughing and playing and I have been thoroughly enjoying my days with him.
Lately, Brayden has taken to wearing his firefighter coat, hat, and boots everywhere (I make him leave the gloves and binoculars at home if we are going out). He diligently puts the whole get up on each time we leave the house. It reminds me of what an amazingly unique, fun, crazy and huggable individual this child is. I love this kid. I wish everyone could see the little man we get dancing around the house, singing, acting, dressing up, using his special voices and laughing his way through life. I am so glad I get to and that God opened my eyes to see an even clearer picture of how truly fantastic he is!

Little reminders

2011-01-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

Tonight, as I was turning off lights and picking up various items that had been left or trailed across the house, I glanced down to see a pacifier sitting next to my book, laid on the side table. It is not uncommon to find a "paci" as we call them, sitting on a side table, a kitchen table, the front window sill, the bottom of the carseat, and quite often, the floor. They are everywhere serving to me as a reminder that I have a baby. Every time I see one, I think to myself how quickly it will arrive that we are working on taking away the paci, because we don't have a baby anymore.
As of late, it seems I am daily hit with the realization my kids are growing up. Gavin is a full blown kid. He has big kid questions, "Mom, if God is everywhere, how is He in my heart?" He has big kid aspirations, "I think I'll probably be a firefighter when I grow up, when I am six." I can say get ready to go and he can do it himself (not that this doesn't often take some reminders, prodding and sometimes a good threat or two). He signs his name and uses words like "probably" and "privacy" frequently.
"Mom, I'd probably like some more ice cream."
"Brayden, I need privacy to play with my racecars."
He is big. But he is still innocent enough to do dance routines for me, believe that racing to get ready for bed is a fun idea, give me kisses when I ask and carry his pillow pet around to snuggle with when he just wakes up or is getting tired.
Brayden is talking in full sentences and copying everything his brother does. He is three going on thirteen. When told what to do...
"Okaaay, Mom, I know."
When told to do something he most definitely doesn't want to do.
"I don't want to!"
He wears silly bands on his arm like the big kids and he fully thinks he is one of them. He gets out his own plates and drink, takes his dishes to the sink, and uses the potty all by himself. He plays pretend with an imagination that is unreal, thinks he's old enough to drive, and is sincerely disappointed everytime I tell him he can't.
But he still seeks out his blanky and "george" (the stuffed monkey) whenever he is sad or gets in trouble.
Amanda is growing fast. She is bright eyed, responds quickly to those she loves. She sits in the bumbo chair at dinner with us, grabs for things, laughs at our funny faces and tries quite hard to eat anything she touches. Her three month clothes are finding their way to the consignment bag and I am starting to pack up her "infant" items. But she still needs her paci and loves to be swaddled at night.
As I walk through the house daily, often I get tired of what seems to be a never ending task of lunging to pick up forgotten toys, dropped items or things that have been vicariously launched by some boy child, in a fit, an attempt at weaponry, or just plain old fun. But lately, when I see George, the paci or percy the pillow pet, the meloncholy sets in. These items are most likely temporary and will someday all too soon be in the past.
I think about the day I pack up george or percy, thinking that maybe the kids will want them when they are older. But I wonder, will they? Or do I just desperately hope that there is still enough childishness in them that they won't want to get rid of those special stuffies that saw them through so many tears, so many sleepy mornings and restless nights. I don't want to pack them up. I am not ready. I don't want them to be either.
And I guess it's a good thing, because neither are they. At least for today and most likely tomorrow. For this I am thankful...and for the pacifiers that litter my house and serve to remind me how much I love these kids.

Where we're at

2011-01-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

The Ryan kids are growing up. It seems each day, one of them is reminding how quickly time flies.
Gavin: He has been a challenge for me lately. He is usually such a sweet, obedient child and has definitely taken on a stubborn, sneaky streak. Part of the problem, I am sure, is that he's trying to drop his naps. I know at four and a half, I am lucky it lasted this long, but that kid NEEDS his sleep. He is quite the grouch without it and will break down crying at a moments notice or throw a fit over the smallest thing. He also has developed quite the penchant for hitting his brother (when I am not looking) and then lying about it. All this to say...I literally sit there dumb founded as to what I should do.
Shawn and I are trying. We have put discipline in place and remained pretty consistent with him. We are definitely getting a run for our money. After lots of chats about lying, he's doing better at telling the truth. After getting hit back by his brother, he's starting to understand the cause and effect of that one. And we are just working on consistency with the fit thing. Same punishment doled out each time...every time we send him to to his room, he acts like he's shocked and so mad. I almost want to laugh...he knows it's coming and you can even ask him during a sane moment what happens when he throws a fit. He'll tell you exactly what would happen to him...why he does it, I don't know. I really think the sleep is a large part of it, but frankly, it's not an excuse to behave like a pill.
On the flip side, he is getting quite smart and capable at doing things himself. He writes his name, will copy words I have put on paper for him, he's great with scissors, loves to count things out, order his numbers, and LOVES mazes! He questions how everything works and is constantly wanting to do and try new things. He definitely is mastering some of the fine motor skills which are handy: zipping and snapping, putting on shoes, getting out snacks (when I tell him) and pouring things into bowls or opening up packages. It's awesome...what a helper!
He also adores Amanda and the feeling is quite mutual. He is so sweet with her and loves to take care of her. He gets her toys, coos to her, rocks her, holds things for her and generally just loves on her. The best part is, he is not overbearing and really seems to understand her space, toughness and delicacy all at the same time. I love it!
Brayden is nearly three and seems to be getting so big. He is taking on big sentences, can explain things to you and plays with Gavin far better than he used to. He likes to talk on the phone, but he is at that stage where his brain moves faster than his mouth and he has taken up a small stutter. I remember this with Gavin and am working on my patience as he tries to spit out what he wants to say. He plays by himself very well and can entertain himself for hours with his new fire house and fire truck he got for Christmas. He loves to laugh and entertain us with antics and songs he made up. He for sure thinks he is a big boy and it is funny to see the mannerisms he adopts when he's trying to come off all cool and in charge.
Unlike Gavin, Brayden is not sneaky. If he is going to be defiant, he will most definitely do it right to our face. "No!" is not an uncommon word to hear pouted or shouted out of his mouth. We are really working with him on not being rude and using a gentle voice.
Brayden has also learned the fine art of tattling. This is tough because often the boys will be happily playing and he'll come crying "Gavin hit me." Well, this could range from Gavin trying to hand him something that he doesn't want all the way to Gavin smacking him on the head. So...you never really can tell (unless you see the obvious markings). We have had to work with both of them on asking their brother to stop, before heading out to find a referee.
Amanda is just super fun right now. She is so alert and cooey. She laughs all the time and even if she wakes up crying, the minute she sees someone she pops into smiles and grins. She is putting on a little weight and we definitely notice her getting bigger. We get a great deal of people stopping to tell us how smiley she seems and how nice her eyes are (thank you daddy for the blue eyes and long lashes...thank you God for handing them to the girl, too, this time). We really have been getting a kick out of her and starting to enjoy her more as an active part of the family. She is even the centerpiece at the dinner table, because the boys always want her to sit in the middle of the table on her bumbo chair. It's been fun!
That's the update there. Overall, it's going well. The pants seem to be getting shorter on everyone and somedays, I don't feel like I can keep up with how fast they are growing and supplying them with all they need emotionally, physically and spiritually. So I pray for wisdom...and patience...and more wisdom. May our great Lord grant it to me in abundance and may I be ever mindful of the abundance He has already blessed me with, in providing me with these children in the first place!

Hello 2011

2011-01-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

The new year is here...and while I am not one to make resolutions, seeing as they always seem to end in failure, which I find completely unmotivating, I have made set up some accountability for myself in certain areas. After doing 30 days of working out with my friend Jen, I decided it would be good for me to try and continue this regieme at least three days a week. My sister and I set up a system in which...if I bail, she doesn't get her coffee and vice versa. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on which way you view it, we both love our coffee enough that we fear the other's response should we deprive them by failure to follow through.
I have also made a commitment to myself to read my Bible, before picking up any other book. I have never been great at following through on regularly reading the Bible. I do love to read. One would think these go hand in hand, however, I like to read books that don't require a great deal of work...I'm quite the skimmer. The Bible requires a bit of thinking and if you skim, often you miss stuff. Anyway...I read a lot (especially since Amanda won't breast feed and I have to sit at a pump six times a day). I made a commitment to myself, that I would not pick up another book, unless I had read our church's daily reading plan for the day.
I will admit, I am not one of those people who walks away every day thinking, "Wow! I totally learned something new and I am going to apply that!" Sometimes, I walk away questioning God, "So what exactly am I supposed to learn from the fact that Lots' daughters slept with him? Eww" However, God says His word does not return void and so I am trusting in this. I know by turning to His word, I am obeying Him and giving Him more room to speak and move in my life...and on many levels, that is a good thing.
So there...those are my attempts at starting the new year off! I am also decided to not try and make any crazy attempts to kick old bad habits (ie...not drinking coffee or giving up TV altogether - i really barely watch it anyway), both of which are doomed to fail and I am trying to keep up on tracking my kids. I have updated the baby books, put together Amanda's birth pages in our family book and I am working on the scrapbooks. I would love to be able to get on this blog more, but the older they get, the less time I have.
I have a feeling 2011 will fly by. I'm not quite ready, but I figure, I never really will be...at least not until 2012. So, here we go...

Keeping Christmas going

2010-12-27T19:44:00.001-08:00

So Christmas is over. The lights look a little less twinkly, the garland is falling limp and the wrapping paper has all been ripped. No matter how you prepare for it, after Christmas let down is always a tad depressing. And in an effort to honor the season and be thankful, instead of slip into the after Christmas funk, lamenting over my children's attitudes of entitlement and the pile of returns I am not sure I'll ever get around to, I have decided to make a list of the wonderful things that happened this season!
-We had Amanda's first Christmas and she was so sweet and cute in all her little dresses.
-My sons sang wonderfully in the Christmas program and both were so pleased with their costumes...Gavin a wise man ("the green one mom") and Brayden the cow ("I say MOOOO")
-We did our annual tradition of delivering cider to those we want to honor for their quiet service to others and it was wonderful! The boys kinda got it (as opposed to last year...see december 2009 blog) and they participated fully, with grins wearing their Santa hats.
-Gavin loved (and Brayden tolerated) reading the Advent book we have and both of them have much of the scripture in it memorized, by reading it each night.
-The boys and I made a birthday cake for Jesus and they were so excited and proud.
-The boys were very patient during gift time.
-My family decided to do a service project with the kids and collect/buy items to create bags to hand out to the homeless. The kids got in the assembly line and fully participated, helpfully without complaint.
-My husband has been super dad and given me multiple hours with only one (and sometimes none) kid. The best was the day after Christmas...he took the boys so I could make a secret trip to the goodwill with old toys and clothes and put away all the Christmas stuff without little people underfoot!
-We have had the opportunity to do such fun things as a family, go ice skating, go out to eat, go Christmas light looking...
-Shawn and I have had two date opportunities and one with the boys staying overnight at Grandma and Grandpas!
-I had the chance to reconnect with a friend from highschool and meet her sweet family.
-We are getting to go up to a friend's lake house for New Years with some of our closest friend's and their kids.

We are blessed. After Christmas can be hard. All the ramp up and suddenly the celebration seems to stop. But when I look at my life, I mean really sit back and take stock...WOW! Not only do I have salvation and a God who has given me eternal life, to spite my sinful nature, but he has blessed me over and over again. Sometimes simple, sometimes awe-striking...He continues to provide far more than I can ask for or imagine...just like His word promises.
And so, when it seems so easy to slip back into the routine and the grind, I am going to work on training my heart. Because when I stop and look for the gifts, I see that God didn't just stop with Christmas and Christ's birth. He kept going and kept giving. I am going to try and do the same. Not just be thankful at Christmas, but keep going. If He did that for me...surely I can do this for Him.

Choosing Joy

2010-12-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

With Christmas approaching, I can say my stress level is starting to rise. I am doing my best to keep it at a minimum, but it seems like every time I think I've bought the last present or been to the grocery store for the last ingredient, another item creeps up. The to-do list gets two items added for each thing crossed off and my shoulders start working their way up to my neck. For some reason (namely, my three children) I do not keep mental track of things like I used to and I just start to get stressed that something important is going to slip through the cracks. And in all of this, I get stressed that I am getting stressed and forgetting the meaning behind Christmas.
Due to the various errands and to dos of the season, my children have found themselves in the van and in the grocery carts quite a bit. Drug from here to there, they start to get cranky, then I get cranky. They disobey, I punish. They get mad, I get madder. It's really quite the holiday love fest and I get so disappointed. I want to be super mom, get it all done, have all the patience in the world and be doing the fun Christmasy things I feel I am supposed to do as super mom. This is not to be.
We have been trying to crack down a bit on the defiant behavior anyway, because since the baby has been born, the kids have taken to ignoring directions and throwing fits when we ask them to do stuff. For awhile I think Shawn and I were too tired to care, but recently we have teamed up to get back on track and well, the kids are not liking the follow through and frankly, neither am I...it feels like they are always being punished, because the are pushing every line there is! I am considering letting Gavin take up a permanent residence on his bed since he seems to be sent there so often.
And so...in an effort to make everyone feel better, I have been trying to make a consciencous effort to do Christmas things with my kids and find opportunities to some of the things they want to do and not just fulfill my own agenda. We have made some salt dough ornaments, we went to the children's museum, we went out ice skating, and went to the toys at McDonalds (this is a biggy, cuz they love it and it's just a bit too much for me on a normal day).
It's been nice to feel like I am putting them first. I know in the back of my mind, my kid's are far from deprived and loved well, but lately with all the defiance and disobedience from them, i think we have all felt a lack of joy around here. I am working hard to choose joy and put first things first. Sadly, for me it really is work. I am hoping it soon becomes habit.
Today, after a day where the kids went to the children's museum and got to go ice skating, Gavin got out of bed and was throwing some toy down the hall, thinking no one was nearby. I was so frustrated...a full day of fun for him, it's way past his bed time and he is totally disobeying the rule to stay in bed (might I mention here, he had already had two warnings from his dad to go to sleep and it was about 2 hours past bed time). I was ready to make the kid's life miserable. I snuck around the corner and asked, "Just what do you think you are doing?"
Gavin made a bee line away from me and started crying...my heart sunk and then lifted slightly. It sunk, because he was obviously sad he got caught and knew that meant trouble. But it also lifted, because he knew he had done something wrong. I didn't have to punish him for him to know. He was already sad. He was fully aware of what he'd done and what it meant.
I had him come out to the couch and we talked. He knew what he did and that he should have been in trouble. I told him, it wasn't going to happen tonight. Instead, I held him, rubbed his back and sat quietly looking at the Christmas tree with him.
As I sat there, I thanked God for my little boy. I thanked him for how many times he chose to talk to me as I guiltily cried and ran from Him, knowing I deserved punishment. I thanked Him for Jesus who took my punishment. I thanked him for a Christmas moment where on a very small scale I could show my son the mercy and forgiveness His Son has given us.
I thanked Him that because of Jesus, I could choose joy tonight, for me and my son.

Attached

2010-12-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

Amanda has been a pretty easy baby. She is happy, she sleeps well, and when she's awake she coos at you, all smiles with her big blue eyes. Once a routine was established, she just blended right in.
As child number three, there isn't a great deal of time to sit down with Amanda and do all the things you do with number one. We don't have hours of tummy time on the floor, where I am capturing every moment on film. She has a great deal of swing time and is often left lying on her back to look at the Christmas lights, while I run number 2 to the bathroom or deal with number 1 throwing a tantrum. It's just life as she knows it and she goes along with it pretty well.
I will say, we have had some troubles with her gaining weight. I have taken to feeding her the breast milk in a bottle, just to make sure she's getting enough and even though she gets up to 30 oz. a day, she hasn't gained one ounce in the last two weeks. Today, the doctor made a referral to Children's Hospital's special growth clinic. She seems developmentally right on track, so I haven't been super concerned, but still it was a bit disheartening to hear.
Then, today, during one of those Christmas light gazing moments, I heard a blood curdling scream from Amanda. Somehow, she got a scrape on her forehead. I am pretty sure one of the boys accidentally drug something over her, but I heard a huge wail from her tiny little self. Gavin and Brayden both looked completely innocent and confused as to why she was yelling, which did my heart some good, knowing it wasn't on purpose, but you could still tell she was hurt.
My heart ached and all the sudden I realized I have fallen in love with my little girl. Before today, I knew I loved her and I would have told anyone. But like I mentioned, there hasn't been time with Amanda to sit, gazing at her and contemplating how much she means to me and how amazing it is that God gave her to us to care for. But when I saw the big tears come from her little face, my heart kicked into gear and I realized how completely I love this little girl and how much I wanted to see the tears dried and her ever present smile return.
I am so thankful for Amanda and so glad she is ours. This tiny tiny little girl, who just three months ago entered our world. I pray God would protect her and hold her close. And though I won't be able to dry all the tears she sheds, I hope that I can dry many and even when they fall, she'll know just how much she is loved!

2010-12-06T14:05:00.000-08:00

Here is a bit of what we have been up to, in pictures. I feel like the picture loader on this thing takes awhile, but it was high time I put a few new ones on. Of course, typical me...I accidentally got them chronologically backwards and am too lazy to fix it. Oh well...they are still cute! Brayden's year to put the star on the tree. Notice we ran out of lights, but it was past the boys bedtime and we decided to let them top the tree before Shawn ran to Bartells to get the finishing strand!
Amanda's first snow and first time in the snow bear outfit.
The boys were soooo...excited to see the snow and go out and play and soooo sad when it melted.
We now have a super smiler on our hands. This is her usual self if someone is talking to her. Lovely!
Amanda on the morning of her dedication at church.
The boys in Pastor Phil's office as we prayed before service for Amanda's dedication.

Our friend's children who are here visiting from out of the country! We love and miss them so much!

Back to India

2010-11-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Our good friends R & K returned from India this August. K came busting through the trees to meet us at the park for Gavin's fourth birthday. It was like no time had passed. Her contagious smile, excitement to be around people, doing her little dance of joy and handing out hugs. R and the kids were close behind. The kids seemed a foot taller and R seemed, well the same, smirking at how excitable K and I were and commenting on how cute I was as a pregnant person, just because he knew I'd want to hit him for it. It was great to see them both and like no time had passed.
But it had passed. It had been two years since they had moved across the world to spread the gospel to people in India who did not know the love of Jesus. Two incredibly long and short years. Years in which they had traveled to places I've only heard of and seen things I can't comprehend. Years where jobs had changed and our family had caved to the American dream of the minivan. Years in which kids had grown taller and changed drastically.
But then they were here. We got to go out to dinner, play games, eat brownies, have a girls night, eat brownies, talk on the phone, and eat brownies. For three months, I was easily able to reach them by phone. We chatted after church on Sunday and we hung out together. My kids grew to know and love them (who wouldn't...K is amazing with little kids and well, R taught my son of the art of dart gun wars and is now his personal hero, much to my chagrin). My husband and I had a sense of contentment knowing they were living just down the road. Even though they were busy meeting up with friends, visiting family and sharing about their mission, there was a huge comfort in knowing they were just 5 miles away.
Friday night we had our last dinner with them and yesterday at church we hugged good-bye. My throat started to hurt, my eyes welled up and the ache of missing them began to set in. I'll be honest, I know for both of us life goes on. It's busy here with three little ones and from the sounds of it, Indian life is very busy with people and activity. But when I need someone to ask parenting advice from, when I have a question about the Bible, when I am need someone to hold me accountable, when I want to vent or to share a story of something lame I did that is too funny not to share, but too embarrassing to tell most people, when I need prayer, when I need brownies and laughter...I miss them terribly. I love these people.
It usually happens at night, at the end of a long day...Shawn or I will turn to the other and say, "I miss R & K." The other will say, "Me too." And we'll just lay there for awhile talking about how much they have brought to our lives and trying to convince ourselves that India needs them more than we do. I think my head knows that's true, but I am still trying to convince my heart.
It was so fun to have them here. SO great for my kids to KNOW the people in the picture we pray for. To ask for their kids to come play and to talk about them with the excitement we have. It was, as K would say, "a sweet season".
And so I am trying to be thankful for the time and not consider the loss that comes this Friday when they board the plane. Afterall, I am not the one headed back to India. I am not leaving all my family and friends. I am not entering a culture and world so far removed from this one and so challenging. I am trying to remember this and pray for R & K, as their transition is a thousand times harder than any of their friends back home. But still...I will miss them. I am so proud to call them friends and proud of the calling they have and they're fortitude to follow Jesus, no matter where He asks them to go.
They will be back in a year and a half. Yes a great deal will change, but I have a feeling the key things probably won't change at all and that comforts me. Plus, I still have my calling card and can always remind myself, a year and a half really isn't that long...especially in the scheme of eternity, right?

Listening to Words

2010-11-17T12:31:00.000-08:00

My kids have been testing me and I think I am beginning to get an inkling of just how much God loves us and how often I must break His heart each day. The boys have been in constant disobedience, not listening to my words or heeding my advice. They are not getting along with each other well and they are often treating each other very poorly. They are making decisions that hurt themselves and have consequences that they do not like. They are being disciplined and rebuked quite often. I keep saying, "PLEASE listen to my words!"
I wonder how often God is saying this to us..."PLEASE LISTEN! Life would be so much better if you did." I know it wouldn't be all roses and sunshine (afterall, we do live in Washington) but I also know there would be less need for discipline and rebuke. I wouldn't cry out in frustration so much, I wouldn't get shocked when things didn't work out and I would treat others the way they deserve.
I think to myself of all the things we do to take care of our kids. To bless them. To treat them. To try and raise them right. And I think of how their little 4, 2 and 0 year old selves have no idea the lengths we go to and the sacrifices we make in order to make this happen. I think of how far God went, sending his only Son, to try and make things right...and how my 32 year old self has no real comprehension of the sacrifice He made. It is beyond me.
But I am beginning to get an inkling,just an inkling, of the great love He has for us and how much He wants the best for us. I am starting to understand how our obedience blesses Him, how listening to His words makes Him happy, because He knows it is for our best. How thanking Him for all the things He has given us, pleases Him and warms His heart.
I can say, in the midst of the chaos and difficult days at the Ryan house, I am grateful that I have been learning more about God the Father...the Ultimate parent. And hopefully, I will do a better job listening to His words as I ask my kids to listen to mine. Because where else will they learn it?

Hard weekend

2010-11-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

It was a tough weekend at the Ryan house. A week where, try as I might, the kids don't seem to want to behave and I don't quite feel like the mom I want to be. Shawn was gone on the annual football trip, Gav was on his asthma meds and I was attached to a breast pump due to loss of milk (I got the flu) and Amanda has some weirdo rash we can't get rid of. Lovely. (Amanda also doesn't seem to be gaining weight like they want her to, but proceeds to spit out half of what she's fed, so who knows what to do there. She seems developmentally great and looks healthy, so I am letting that go for now.)
Anyway...it was one of those times where I just sat down in despair, feeling as though all I had done for three days straight is discipline my children. NOTHING was going right. I was doing my best to be consistent, but I finally broke and called my friend Stephanie crying...
"Just tell me I'm a good mom."
Oh bless Stephanie...she came through with a friend pep talk like no other and gave me a few words I think I'll be clinging to for awhile..."It's only been four days, they won't remember these four days."
Kids are resiliant and I think I forget that. They remember the train we took them on, they remember the pillow pet they got, the games we played and the special things we do. Sure, there are times they remember a punishment we doled out, but is that so bad...if sitting on your bunk bed for 30 minutes while your brother got to play games helps you remember not to throw the game pieces at your brother's head, PLEASE remember!
I think, as moms we can get down on ourselves for not having a day full of all positive reinforcement, arts and crafts, healthy snacks and hugs in between. I don't know where that reality is, but somehow I have a picture that days should go that way. My days don't. Yesterday we had chewies for snacks, no crafts what so ever and a quite a few corrections had to be made. However, I can say...there were hugs in between. And for now, in this season, I think I'm going to be proud of that.

Calling it good

2010-11-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

Now, with three, we are settling into a little routine. What I am finding with this routine is that there is little time for mommy and what time mommy does have, she is more likely to plop down in front of the TV, read a book, or fall into bed, than to attempt productivity. Overall, however, we are getting the essentials taken care of. Here are a few of the things we are proud of:
-We can get out the door and to appointments by 8:15 am if necessary.
-I have managed to refinance the house and take bids on and order a new furnace within the last two weeks. This means lots of paper work, phone calls and appointments, all without locking the children up to accomplish it (:
-We have all (including mom and dad) made it to the Dr. at least once if not twice in the last two weeks and I have remained relatively positive and sympathetic.
-I think I have finally managed to correct the craziness with our medical benefits and I have successfully saved myself money by calling and discovering I do NOT in fact have to pay the bills!
-I have written up meal plans/recipies/ and grocery lists for up to four weeks
-I have exercised every morning for 10 days in a row (for those that know my laziness tendencies, this is a miracle unto itself)
-Brayden has been wearing underwear out of the house and staying dry!
-Amanda has been sleeping through the night for the last week and a half...YEE-HAW!

Here are some of the things that have fallen to the wayside:
-The bathroom has been cleaned once in the last three or four weeks
-Not only have I been reheating old coffee, just to get some, I find myself using whatever to stir in the creamer. Today it was the medicine syringe, yesterday the end of a ballpoint pen.
-The children are not bathed as often as they used to be...I refuse to count the days anymore (I believe this task falls exponentially with each child)
-Last night we told our son who was crying to brush his teeth, that he couldn't...yes we are that desperate to get them into bed.
-I have started to let Brayden play with playdough all by himself...this is huge for my cleanliness issues.
-I haven't changed the kids sheets in forever and when Gav had a wet night I actually considered leaving them on, because they weren't that wet...only for a second though, but still, YUCK!
-I have been sporting a mom ponytail that I am not proud of, far more frequently than I would like.

All in all, I think the pluses are outweighing the minuses. I think it's going well. I am sad I have not found as much time to document their progress. I am lucky the pictures have been uploaded, but not developed for a long long time. I don't get on this here blog nearly as often as I'd like and Amanda's scrapbook...oh wait, I haven't even gotten her one yet! But the kids usually have smiles, and are clothed, fed and loved on a daily basis. I"m calling it good! Here are some recent pics...

5 weeks old and counting

2010-10-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

Amanda is five weeks old now and life has settled down into a routine. It actually settled far faster than I anticipated. I think, for me, number three just added a bit more juggling to the chaos that is life with toddlers. It wasn't the huge transition I was anticipating. It's been good.
We have had our moments. Amanda has reflux and whereas, Gavin and Brayden were huge on the spitting up, she takes it to a new level. She would do it in her sleep, choke on it, soak herself and wake us all up. I did finally succumb to medication and it's helping. She has always been a pretty routine eater and sleeper, but the last week, with the medicine she has kicked it into high gear and has slept consistently 5 hours a time at night. Last night we got six! Wahoo!!! Needless to say, this has mommy feeling better too (:
She is quite the trooper, keeping up with the family and going where we need to go. Yesterday, the kids and I all trooped out to Gavin's make up soccer game in the pouring down rain. It was awesome (insert sarcasm here). Amanda in the front pack, Brayden in his rain jacket, me holding the ginormous umbrella (which is quite heavy) in one hand and a Starbucks in the other. Afterwards, we trooped back to the van and stripped down all our muddy clothes, boots, rain gear etc. Through all of this she didn't udder a peep. Now dealing with the wet, cranky 4 & 2 year olds was a different issue altogether, but Amanda was little work in the whole process. Like I said...there would be chaos with or without her. We are glad it's with her.
She is finally getting to be a bit more alert and even smiling every now and then. When they are open, she has wide eyes and they look promising to be as blue as the boys'. She is quite the charmer when she wants to be. I see a lot of Gavin in her, but when she pouts, she has a very Brayden like expression. It is fun to see the resemblance.
The boys are quite taken with her. Bray is still a bit rough around the edges, just wanting to be involved and well, Gav is in love with her. He'd hold her all the time if he could and is constantly asking if her eyes are open. If they are, he is right there talking to her. Quite sweet. (His behavior to other people has been terribly rude and naughty lately, but with his sister, he seems to have a special soft spot.)
Well, that's the baby update for now. I want to get back into blogging, as it is my goal to have some sort of record for the kids of their growing years. I have a feeling it will be a tad more sporadic now, but hopefully they'll have something to look back on. And Brayden...if you read this later in life, I want you to know...in order to type even this much...our kitchen table just got colored on and decoupaged with Thomas stickers thanks to you. I love you buddy...you're gonna get in trouble!

I will...

2010-10-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

So...needless to say, the updates are coming less frequently. I am lucky to get my e-mail checked on the computer, let alone a blog entry! I used to be the mom who uploaded, edited and sent pictures to the printer once a month and I am on such a backlog, my type A anxiety is starting to catch up with me...how will I ever get caught up?
Here is the conclusion I have come to: I won't. I won't ever be done with laundry, I won't ever have all the dishes/toys/clothes put away, I won't ever walk through the house without finding a renegade hotwheel, I won't ever have all the bibs or burp clothes smelling fresh at one time. I won't have all my thank yous written in a one day turn around time, I won't have a home cooked meal every night (or possibly every other night), I won't be able to wash my hair every day, I won't have our living room free from toys and I won't have my van floor as clean as I'd like.
All these things when written down, seem a tad petty and not necessary at all. However, on a daily basis, when they all add up and stare at me, I can get quite overwhelmed. However...I am making it a goal to try and think of all the things that I will (or will at least try to) do instead.
I will play with my kids. I will read books, I will take advantage of the sun when it's shining and go on walks...no matter how short. I will laugh with my children and be silly. I will compliment my kids and husband. I will work hard to teach my kids right and wrong, to be humble, gentle, patient and to love one another. I will work hard to not raise my voice in frustration. I will teach my kids to sing loud and often, even if they are tone deaf like their mom and I will have dance parties with them. I will spend time taking mental pictures of my baby and enjoying her life that is flying by, because she is my last and is already so big! I will pray. I will pray. I will pray.
It's hard as a mom to look past the "to-do list" and think of all that is not getting done. At least it is for me. But it is a resolution, that I am going to at least try. I will try.

Watching them Grow

2010-09-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

Well, we are approaching week two of Manda's life and time does indeed fly. I will say, so far I am in agreement with the statement, "the transition from three to two is easier than one to two." I am not sure why, maybe it's because, once you pass one child, chaos just insues, but it has been easier than I imagined. Granted, we haven't done any huge trips yet or ventured to the grocery store alone, but we do get out and manage to get where we are going in a relatively timely manner. Heck, the family even braved Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday...I consider that a feat.
The boys are adjusting relatively well. Adding a new child is definintely bringing their personalities to light. I am finding Gav to be an extravert and struggling with staying at home more and less "people time." He talks even more than he used to (if that's possible) and if people come, he is usually right there vying for some interaction. He is constantly coming up with ideas where to go and what to do and if we are at home, he pesters Brayden to play with him, usually trying to convince him to do what he wants to do.
OUr new punishment when Gavin acts out for attention is time in his room...trying to teach him the fine art of playing alone. He does not like it and you will regularly hear him yell out, "Am I done, cuz I've been in here a long long time." Three minutes constitutes a long long time for this little guy and we are working on expanding that. He's getting better.
Brayden is proving to be a home body who has actually fared well not leaving the house too much. We are finding he is good at imagination and playing by himself. He loves to dress up, is constantly having his "men" talk to each other and you hear noises from all sorts of transportation items come from his mouth. It is really quite fascinating the difference between the two. Brayden often wants to do his own thing and resents Gavin butting in. Sometimes, miracle of all miracles, they play super well together and it is quite fun to watch their little minds and how they work.
Amanda's a trooper. She is on a pretty fixed three hour schedule and sometimes goes longer at night. She would sleep her day away if we let her, so the boys and I work on talking to her on the ground or giving her baths during the day, to get a little awake time in. She really does seem to love her brothers voices and usually will stop fussing to watch them. I just watch her carefully, knowing, unless God has other plans, this is our last. There is a part of me that grieves each day she gets bigger. I want to savor the baby stage, knowing we won't return again. It is a sweet time.
Dad went back to school pretty early on and is trying to catch up on the beginning of the year stuff. It's hard, but from what I hear, it sounds like he's doing a good job. I know he's doing his best to get home and be a good dad and has started a ritual of climbing onto the top bunk with the boys to read books at night. They love it and it's their time together. I love it too...it means the day is winding down!
All in all, life is good and I am thankful for my sweet children and the joy of watching them grow into the people God made them to be. It's a fun season and I am trying to soak it all in before time flies away.

Amanda Kathleen Ryan

2010-09-17T09:28:00.001-07:00

Well, she's here! Last Friday I was induced. They broke my water and three hours later, out she came...little Manda. 7lbs 12 ounces and 20.5 inches long, born at 11:03 am on Sept. 10th. We love her to pieces.
I will say it was a bittersweet day. Two hours after Amanda arrived, we received a phone call that Shawn's Grandpa (who we love and adore) was in the emergency room across the hospital with serious bowel twisting issues and doctors conferencing to see if surgery was even an option, due to his frail health. He underwent a minor surgery that day, but also had two mini heart attacks and things were not looking good. He pulled through though and a week later is on his way home to a more elaborate care system, but at least no hospital.
Amanda has blended into the family well. The boys love her and Gavin is especially attentive to her every cry. She's doing great at night and already sleeping in four hour chunks (PRAISE THE LORD). We hope to keep this up, but I am not holding my breathe. Just about the time you count on a baby for any consistency, they tend to change it up on you (:
Life seems to be a marathon right now. Gavin started preschool and soccer and MOPS, which I volunteered to help with started. Also, Wednesday nights at church starts up next week, where I lead a small group of girls and, after taking two days off, Shawn is back at work trying to figure out life as a principal and make sure to get home in time to spend QT with the kiddos.
In the midst of it all I am trying to figure out how to juggle caring for my husband, the kids, my house and a newborn. I am finding it especially hard, seeing as we plan on this being our last baby. I don't want to miss a moment and I want the time to cuddle and play with her like a firstborn, but it just is not to be. I have two little men who are far more aware and in need of attention right now and one big man who is working like crazy to care for his family, who needs my support.
All of this has helped me to appreciate the nightime feedings more. It's our time together, just me and my baby. I will admit to watching TV quite a bit, but I also use it to pray over her and soak in her tininess, that is already changing so much!
It's a new season, one I will admit to being apprehensive about, but also excited for. We have our complete family (unless God has a surprise out there...), a family of five. Crazy, scary, exciting and oh so blessed!!!

Coming this Friday?

2010-09-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

So, as of my Dr. Appointment yesterday, we are scheduled to get induced on Friday...one week early. It was the same scenario with Brayden and I heard the Dr. udder the same words,
"I'll be surprised if you make it until then."
This did not sit super well, seeing as Shawn's first day of school (as a principal) was the next day and to put it mildly, this would be the poorest timing EVER! Last time the Dr. said that, I had Brayden the next night!
Off I went and about an hour later, the contractions started. I had them all day. I finally laid down during naptime and that helped. I also tried to sit down as much as possible, willing them to go away. Shawn had also gotten in the car that morning and found it barely started and the check engine light on so we were having to schedule a trip to the mechanic that night. Oh anddid i mention we just paid an obscene amount to fix the van and had a huge crack appear in the van windshield, which we needed to schedule a replacement for? He did not need this.
I am sure God was rolling his eyes a bit as I began to reverse my utterings from, "Get this baby out" to "Please God, give her one more day in there!". I just want my husband to avoid mental breakdown...the poor guy has been such a trooper with all life has thrown at him lately.
Anyway...I decided it's a good thing I'm not God, cuz if I had to listen to all my whining about things, I would have probably taken a little delight in causing the baby to come today. However, our God is far more gracious than I. I woke up this morning with very few contractions and Shawn got all dressed up for the first day and off he went.
I have been reminded constantly of the verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." It is a verse quoted frequently in Christian circles, because it is often an encouragement. In this instance I was made aware of how selfishly I use it. I consider it a verse for ME. But in reality, it is a verse for all God's children. God has plans not just for me, but for my little girl and my husband too...plans that are good for them and to keep them from harm's way. Those are plans I need to take into account, be grateful for, and recognize that they may be more important than the plans I have.
Today I am thankful for a God who is so gracious and cares for those I love so much better than I ever could. I am still excited to meet my little girl. I still am ready to not be pregnant. And as far as I can see, Friday would be great...if it's in God's plans.

Turning Four

2010-09-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Gavin turns four. We held his birthday party at a park in Country Village that offers train rides. We had a small handful of his friends and their families show up. The kids got to ride the train, make a craft and then we had lunch and cake. It was quick and fun and required little clean-up...PERFECT!
It has been slightly confusing for Gavin. We have been talking about turning four for so long, but due to the fact that we had a baby coming and we weren't sure about the weather (the train rides aren't offered on rainy days) we didn't really tell him about his party or build it up at all, in case we had to cancel. (I can imagine nothing worse than saying...sorry dude, no party, no train, maybe next year.) One day he woke up and we were like, "Hey, today you're having a party!". It was still very fun for him, but I am sad about him missing out on the build-up to the big day.
After his party he and his brother passed out in the car. We went to wake him up and the first thing he said, as he wipes his sleepy eyes is, "Am I going to school now?" Not quite yet kiddo.
Tomorrow is the actual day and I am trying to explain that to him too. I should just let it go, but I want to celebrate and I know the kids won't be disappointed with a cupcake or two. Plus we haven't given him his presents yet.
He keeps informing me he is "bigger" and doesn't need my help as much. It is good to see him becoming more independent, as he has always been my one who doesn't like to struggle through things, but breaks down in frustration. Suddenly, at four, he has a new tenacity. It is sweet to see his spirit grow, helpful to have him figure things out, frustrating to see him insist on trying things that are well beyond his big four years, and heartbreaking to watch my firstborn grow up.
I am a mixture of emotions watching my child and I am thankful for the insight into God's eyes as to the complications of a parents love. I want to cheer him on, discipline him, push him forward and hold him back all at the same time. I can't imagine how God goes through this on a global level, so intensely for all of his children. My heart is overwhelmed by just a few.
Still, my heart is fuller with each day and each year that passes. I think I am going to like four...I also know that five will come way too soon!

Favorite discussion as of late

2010-08-21T21:37:00.001-07:00

Gavin: Mom I want to be a front loading garbage truck when I get bigger and bigger.

Me: Well, you can't be a garbage truck, but maybe you can be a garbage man.

Gav: But whhhhhy? You said I can be anything I want.

Me: I decided I was wrong.

Upcoming arrival

2010-08-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

I will admit I am starting to get a tad nervous about the arrival of this baby. Not so much the actual addition to the family as the event itself. With daddy working a 45 minute commute in the opposite direction of the hospital and my last child coming 2.5 hours from when the first contraction hit (well, technically from when my water broke) I am starting to play out various scenarios in my head of how to make SURE I get to the hospital. Brayden's wasn't the easiest delivery and let's just say, things would not have gone well for him or for me if we were not at a medical center.
I know in my head God has it all under control, however my type A, overly organized self keeps giving Him some great ideas of how it could work out. You would think after listening to Gavin all day long, telling me how he thinks the day should go and whining "Whhhhhy?" when I say I have different plans, I would let up on God. But it still doesn't stop me. I am sure I am far more obnoxious than my four year old, continually pestering him with my plans, thoughts, and frustrations at not getting my way. I mean really...I, at least, should know better. Gav is just learning.
In the end, I will be interested to hear this little one's story. Both the boys had quite the different entries and stories on their way in...I am looking forward to knowing the end of this one's journey into the world.
Tomorrow is an ultra sound and I am also looking forward to making sure she is still a "she". I still have a hard time believing this, but they better have gotten it right or I maybe posting a desperate need for boy things, seeing as all mine have been given away or consigned, not to mention he'll be sleeping on flowered sheets!
I am also looking forward to seeing how big they think she is. Well, at least I think I am. We'll see after the results! It should be interesting...the hardest part will be walking out and not beginning a monologue with God to tell him my new plan after I receive all the new information. I am already praying for a peaceful spirit and a willingness to hand over the information and let Him have his way. I just hope He gives me more grace than I give Gavin...hmmm...so many lessons to learn here. More grace to Gavin and more time with my mouth shut...tough ones!

Backpacks

2010-08-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

Gavin and Brayden have found their "backpacks". Gav's is a little blue one his Mimi and Papa have brought back from Italy and Bray's is a little frog one that Gavin got two Christmas' ago. They have been sporting them around the house, climbing on the couch, aka the "bus", and riding to school. Suddenly, school is the game of the day.
Gavin takes it quite seriously. "No Bray, you wear the back pack like this," as he puts it on both arms. "Otherwise, it's a purse." He tells Brayden how the bus works at that the backpack holds your stuff for school. Then he tells Bray what he thinks school is like. It is fun to listen to his rendition of how a school day goes.
Brayden, slings his little arms through and drives his pretend bus around. Sometimes he sticks his hand in the pack and makes the frog hop around saying ribbit ribbit. Sometimes he unzips it totally and puts it on his head. Either way, he is seriously adorable and a total crack up.
There is a small, but good example of the difference in my boys. Shawn and I were talking just last night about how different they are and how much we love their personalities...so opposite in so many ways. I remember my mom saying to me, "I don't love you or your sister better, I just love you different." I thought it was a cop out and she was trying to smoothly get out of my tactless question. But I think I finally get it.
I can say, as I watch both acting ready for school, in their different ways, I get sad already. I know come fall when Gavy really sports that backpack for the first day of preschool I will get emotional (the pregnancy hormones do not help). He really is so ready. As for Bray, I am glad he's still just 2, because as he walks around telling me he's "going school, mom" my heart and whole being says, no way Jose! I'm not ready to let that little guy go yet. Fortunately the rules tell me I can't! I have a whole year to prepare my heart to let him go too. I think it might take that long!

The to-dos and of late

2010-08-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

I am finally feeling like we are catching up with life around here. We are also preparing to get ready for baby. I laugh when I look at my to-do list, it looks like an excerpt from some Good-Housekeeping article. However, I have crossed much off in the last two weeks and though they may seem silly, feel pretty good about the recent accomplishments.

Reorganized all the kids clothes (including consigning a ton and packing up hand me downs), made room and put away baby's clothes too!
Finished off the "ode to girl" in the crib corner of the room.
Caught up on Gavin's scrapbook and only have about 4 pages left to catch up on Bray's.
Got as far as possible in the baby book we bought for little girl.
Made 2 sets of six freezer meals for the frozen food exchange I am a part of.
Made Gavin's birthday invites (for his very small party) and bought his birthday present.
Washed and sterilized all bottles and breast pump paraphernalia.
Sorted through and found house hiding spots for all the baby "stuff"...burp clothes, crib sheets, blankets, changing pads, diapers, etc.
Made room in the kitchen for bottles, paci's and other baby things that inevitably need room in a cupboard.
Made a drawer of baby toys in the living room.
Cleaned the rest of the office closet and reorganized the boys toys...eliminating some.
Updated all our bills to online payment and created an excel budget sheet.
Packed my bag and the baby's bag for the hospital.
Made over5 phone calls to update various aspects of life...from new insurance to making an appointment to get the van's automatic door fixed (let's just say, being 8 months pregnant and climbing into a van to help buckle the kids has stunk).
Did major grocery shopping trip for the month.

I will admit to having a day without children (thank you Grandma Joan) that helped make this all possible and an hour and a half one morning without kids (thank you Holly Moe) to make phone calls. It is amazing what can be accomplished without kids...it is also amazing how much I miss them and love hearing about all they did in our time apart.
Overall, it feels nice to be relatively caught up. Sometimes I do feel like the minute I cross something off my list, I am also writing something onto it. It reminds me of my days at work, where I would intentionally write down things I'd already done, just so I could cross more things off! But in the end, I believe we are at the point where the baby could come, the kids would have food and I would be in a pretty good state.
I am starting to get really tired by the end of the day and I am looking forward to having a little more agility and desire to be out running with the boys. I think they are ready for baby to come too. Gavin is constantly asking about his sister and Brayden is always wondering when we are going to the baby dr..
I am trying to enjoy my last few weeks with just the boys. I am noticing Brayden is getting so big and using sentences and I am a tad sad that he won't be my baby. He is too funny and turning into the family ham. I can tell he is ready to not be the baby anymore. Gavin is definitely turning into a huge nurturer and will be a great biggest brother. But I still want to capture a bit of this time with just my boys to save in my heart. It is so sweet.

summer update

2010-07-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

So, this summer I am horrible at getting back into the office to catch up on this here blog. It doesn't help, that my super trooper, Brayden, learned to let himself in through the gate and refuses to obey when I tell him to stay out. Since the office is currently a dumping zone for paper work, baby stuff, Shawn's school supplies, etc...it's also seen as a cornucopia of treasures by my two sons. The words "stay out" mean nothing to their little ears.
I digress.
Here is the quick catch up. I am very pregnant. Bleck. Never the one to love pregnancy, I do not feel the glow and for the first time ever I want to waddle. I have to make a mental note to walk with my feet pointed forward and my legs together. I often get the highly overrated comment, "aren't you so cute?". And though it is said with good intention and sweet meaning, I must say, I get a tad irritated. "Yes, adorable. I think when the baby comes I'll just shove an over inflated basketball up my shirt because it really is just SOOOOO cute." I know these people are just being nice and I really need to work on my gracious attitude.
I think there is something about being short that people associate with cute. I don't know what it is, but that is all I can conclude. Because at this point I am bigger than when both Gavin and Brayden were born and I would argue it's not cute. It's pregnant.
All that said, we are making some progress on getting ready for the baby. We got all the stuff out of the attic and it's in the laundry room. I'll attack the laundry room later. I don't know what happened to the bottles, but am just thankful that we found the misplaced carseat. Yes, out of everything, the two things we couldn't find were the carseat and bottles...we're off to a great start!
The boys are doing good. I think they too are ready for baby. Especially Gavin. He's been very curious and protects anything we say is for his sister. "Bray, get out of the crib, that's our sister's. Braaaaayden, don't touch those shoes, their for our sister." It's really quite cute. He wants to know if she'll talk or walk and he doesn't think she should, which is good, no disappointment there.
Brayden is going to have a rude awakening when mom can actually get off the floor again in under a minute. Right now he gets away with so much because, well...he can get away. The other day as he ran away from me I just sat on the floor of his room yelling, "When this baby comes, you are toast little man." He looked back with a huge grin and replied, "Mommy so silly."
We'll see whose the last to laugh little buddy.
Aside from baby, the boys are enjoying their summer. We went to a cabin with some friends and had multiple days at a river to throw rocks, play, swim and create our own dams. They LOVED it. Gavin asks to go back every day and has cried often when we say no.
Both boys are in swim lessons and doing great. Bray has really suprised us by doing so well. His fearless nature works for him, but he has also sat in his class and obeyed relatively consistently. He definitely gets kudos for his behavior and improvement. (Unfortunately, the more familiar he gets with the water, the more testing he does, but still...he's not even two and a half and doing what the four year olds are doing...). He is so fun to watch too. He smiles so much, he is constantly swallowing water. Even when he is ducked under, he comes up coughing and grinning.
Dad is working hard, at his new job and at home. He has been at his new school nearly everyday and in the yard most nights. He has both getting into shape and I am quite proud of all he's doing in both places. He does say he is looking forward to August and actually having some of his staff back at school to talk to, but relishes the the time to get things done uninterrupted.
I am just enjoying the more laid back season of sunny days. It finally arrived and I do love it. I love being out back with the kids and spending some time in the yard. I have gotten in my fair share of yard work and do enjoy looking at the results. I also love hearing my boys playing together out back and enjoying their imaginations and God's creation. It's so simple and so enjoyable.
Welp. That's the update here for now. Hopefully I'll get some motivation to post some pics soon, but seeing as I just ordered all our pictures dating back to Christmas, we'll see. (Yes, Christmas...for those of you who know me well, this is so out of character...how the mighty type A's fall when toddlers prevail.) Either way, I am hoping to do a slightly better job here on the ol' blog. As a true Washingtonian, I can only say...if the sun's out, I make no promises and no commitments.

The worm sprinkler

2010-07-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

For Brayden's birthday, his Grandma gave him a worm sprinkler. It's about 30 little worms that stand up with sun hats and squirt water out of their mouth. That was in April...the kids have been waiting to use for what feels like forever.
We have had to improvise with "summer" ideas, since the sun has foresaken us up to this point. Fortuately, dad has been home earlier and we have had some extra hands to do things like bike rides and park trips, zoo trips and visiting friends. Dad and mom have even managed to squeeze in a few dates!
All in all, we have kept busy and enjoyed being a family, but I can say we miss the sun and we are a tad sad that the summer vacation plans we normally make have been waylaid in leu of Shawn's new job and a baby on the way. We have a few tiny get aways planned and Shawn and I are trying very hard to keep our chins up and not lament over lack of a real "vacation". I have a pretty lousy attitude about it and would like to GO! Our boys of course are completely oblivious and just happy to have more of dad home and anticipating use of the worm sprinkler.
We finally got it out the other day for an hour of sun. The boys stripped down and ran naked...full of screaming delight. They couldn't have been more happy, until the clouds rolled in and mom and dad made them call it quits. I told them they could use it again when the sun arrived.
Today is the big day. It's supposed to be 80 all week, ideal worm sprinkler weather. The boys can hardly contain themselves. Worm sprinklers and popscicles...that's apparently all it takes. Shawn and I, once again could learn a lesson from these two crazy nuts. I have a lovely backyard, two amazingly funny little boys, a wonderful husband, sugar on a stick and water flowing from a worms mouth. I really don't need to go anywhere...maybe I could just ship my attitude. (:

potty training...we did it?

2010-06-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you that have followed the blog, you may know that potty training Gav was a nightmare and something that made me realize, I was going to have to let my dream go of having a child follow "the rules" I had made about certain behaviors or attitudes. Sometimes, you just have to adjust according to your child, not have your child adjust according to you. I am happy to say he now confidently uses the potty, but we definitely took the long road.
Well, I decided, with baby "Sparky" on the way, we should at least give Brayden a concept of what it means to use the potty. Since the baby should be here in less than three months (which feels like forever at this point, but I know is certain to be much sooner than I think) I wanted to try and see how far we got. I figured, even if he just realized that pee goes in the potty and did it a few times, he could then practice while the baby was here and maybe, just maybe we could try again when the baby was about 4 months old and get Bray potty trained by three.
Now, I hadn't given up all hope that the "potty train in a day" theory would work and I decided to give it my all for two days and see where we were. Dad and Gavin left the house and Brayden and I spent the day in the kitchen. I pumped him full of juice (which he rarely gets, especially not without me completely watering it down) and threw some underwear on. He peed on every chair. My floor is much cleaner than normal, due to the amount of wiping I did.
However, come mid-day, we got it. He went in the potty and cried when I tried to take his "unerwares" in exchange for a diaper at naptime.
As of day two, he went in the potty all day, until two little accidents at night. I was shocked! And frankly a tad overwhelmed that it worked so well I'd have to stick with it. He loves his underware and he is actually pretty good at telling us he has to go. We still have accidents and I still have to do reminders a lot, but he's going. Once again, my kids teach me about expectations.
I am interested to see where we are by the end of the week. I am proud of the little guy. I am also interested to see how much our water bill is, seeing as Bray only seems to go when you let him flush the toilet!

Recent photos

2010-06-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here are just some recent photos of the boys. I thought it captured their spirits quite well. gav at the zoo, wide eyed and thuroughly enjoying an adventure with lots of "why's" and "what's that's". And Brayden...enjoying the beach waaaaay too much.

Things I'll Miss

2010-06-14T22:09:00.001-07:00

So, as I am going through this mothering journey, there are things that happen on a daily basis that I lately I have been thinking to myself, "someday I'll be done with this." Some of these things are the things I keep waiting to be done with (like whining, wait...I think I still whine to my mom) others are just things that come naturally with the boy's ages...like reminding the boys to wash their hands before meals and after a potty stop. Here are just a few things that have caught my attention as of late:
-Stepping on hotwheels, after I thought we put them all away
-Having Brayden's feet run into my room in the morning (after I have yelled from bed that he can come find me) and his little face climbing up next to me at 6:30 am, whispering "bekfast, mama?"
-Heading out into a parking lot or sidewalk and automatically holding my hand behind me to have Gavin take it
-Finding marbles in my slippers and other various obscure locations
-Having to remind the kids not to squeeze the juice boxes to avoid the squirt in the face
-Picking up Brayden's shoes off the floor of the van and removing his socks from his hands, because he likes to play sock puppets every time we drive
-Pretending I am buzz lightyear as we all hold hands and jump off the fireplace yelling, "to infinity and beyond" in our superman shirts (yes, I own a superman shirt and I think Gavin thinks the capes on their pajamas makes them like buzz light year...i don't get it, I just go with it)
-Having babywipes at my disposal for all sorts of great uses
-Answering the question "why" or "what" a million times a day, because my child thinks I know everything (which I do...of course)
-Tying shoes
-Zipping coats
-Cutting up food
-Having my children believe three skittles does count as a dessert
-Reminding Gavin, at least once a week, that he is too young to drive
-Lifting the kids in and out of the grocery carts
-Having macaroni be a "special favorite" meal
-Having spontaneous hugs to my legs all day long, from Brayden, who just randomly seems to decide he needs to love someone
-Having Gavin insist he can't go to bed because he forgot to kiss me good-night

I am not sure why the melancholy has set in. Maybe it's because Gavin is getting taller, he's thinning out, running faster and needing me less and less. I see a kid instead of a little boy. Brayden is growing up so much faster than Gav, with a big brother to watch. He is so independent and no longer a baby, trying to dress himself, get his shoes and hat on and opening doors to go, far before I am ready. No matter what the source, I suppose it has helped me in these past rainy weeks of grumpiness. Trying to appreciate these little guys I have and be grateful for the sometimes irksome, but in the end, endearing little things. I am trying to store in my heart, because someday they will cease to exist.
Well, who knows, maybe macaroni will always be a "special favorite" and not a last resort? We can always hope.

Doin' good

2010-06-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy! Shawn has been working lots and it seems with all these "endings" the schedule is filling up...graduations, wedding showers, retirement parties, birthday parties, etc., etc. Good, but tiring.
The boys have been growing up a great deal and I am starting to see Brayden become a big boy and Gavin become a "kid". Bray is using mini sentances...the most common being, "I have it." He is also getting down the singing, though he loves to make up his own songs and march around, his favorite by far is Happy Birthday. Gav is starting to learn the fine art of negotiation. A common retort to me saying, I don't think so is..."Well, mom, we can always check and see." My personal favorite is, "Okay, let's just talk about it later." Hoping that maybe then I'll agree. It's all I can do not to laugh.
Not much new with me. I got away for a three day weekend, courtesy my mom. She treated both my sister and I to a retreat and it was AWESOME! I missed my boys terribly though and after a day and a half back, I am not entirely sure where my head was. (Just kidding...they are cute and I love them.)
Shawn's work is winding down. Two more days as a dean, a week or two more left with the summer school job and then....as of July first he is down to one job, as a principal! Wahoo! We keep meaning to go celebrate, but thus far our schedules are packed with celebrating others. I think we are looking forward to July for that one!
Beyond that, no real news. As Gav says, we're "doin' good." I'm happy with that!

Rain

2010-06-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

So as it turns out, I have made a post, only accidentally to my husband's Principal blog...whoops!

Anyway...this rain is going to be the end of me. I am fresh out of rainy day ideas and seeing as it's June, I don't think I should have to come up with them. Gavin said it best this morning,
"It's rainy out. And a little bit foggy...again. No picnic."
Sorry kid. We can have one on the floor, but we're definitely not making our park date.
We've done the mall toys, we've done the Barnes and Noble train table and book purchase, we've had friends over, we've played hide and seek, I don't know how many times. I am a loyal Washingtonian, but even I am discouraged and lamenting the curse of the rain. I'd be fine if it were February, but it's not.
I think I am one of many moms who are praying fervently for sunshine. Please oh please Lord!!!

A small tribute to consistancy

2010-05-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

My children have been cleaning up after themselves. It started with Gavin. I told him it was time for lunch and miraculously heard, "Just a minute mom, I want to put my train set away." Huh?
"Uh, okay, Gav. Great idea! Way to go!"
The last week, he has been relatively consistant on wanting to clean up his room for me. So much so, that I actually had to stop him, so he could just get in bed for nap time.
Catching on to the obscene amount of praise I am doling out for this act, Bray has started putting his things "way". Before nap, he will run and find a toy to put "way." Or after book reading run and put his books back. It's awesome!
Considering that there are many moments this blog is a journey of the crazy ideas my kids have or wild adventures they take me on...I decided, I would give a shout out to when things work. Here it is! Waa-hoooo!!!!

Not abused

2010-05-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

My sons have an abused look about them lately. What is it with boys? It's like they attract corners, hard objects and anything that may cause their skin to turn interesting shades of blue, purple and yellow! I usually feel like I am pretty protective about not doing dangerous things, but these kids seem to have a magnatism for accidents.
Brayden is currently sporting a black eye...from a fall I did not witness, but did hear from the other room. (There is a suspicion here that a certain older brother was involved, however no confirmation.) He also has some lovely bite marks (confirmed: from afore mentioned older brother) on his arm and a lovely new purple bump developing on his head from a fall taken at church today (witnesses were there to attest, it was not from lack of parenting, but merely an accident). Gavin is finishing off a black eye, from a run in with the car door (also witnessed by friends) and both children have shin bruises that I can only say come from being little boys. (I am slightly suspicious that it may have something to do with how they climb the bunk bed ladders and use their shins as resting spots.)
I am considering having Brayden wear his helmet on all occasions and just carrying ice packs with me wherever we go. The good news is...our pictures were taken last month. Bruise free. This is me finding a bright side.

Brayden...again

2010-05-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

Well, the big news here is DADDY GOT A PRINCIPAL JOB! Yay for all dad's hardwork! We will post some details on that later, when we have it figured out a bit more. (He's still in Mukilteo for now, finishing his year as Dean, finishing and handing off his work as Summer School Principal, and trying to complete all the paper work to sign on in Gold Bar as of July first...it's a bit much and we're a tad overwhelmed.)
Anyway...all this means is dad is all work no play for a bit and mom is on full time kid duty. Today Brayden made me consider going back to work myself. Once again...five minutes of a back turned is five minutes of chaos. While the kids were happily playing puzzles, or so I thought, I went to try and look online to see what it would take to send Shawn's transcripts to his new district and send out one e-mail. I do believe it was less than five minutes before Gavin came to me with pen on his hand claiming, "Mom, I'm dirty."
It wasn't that bad, but I could hear shouts of glee from Brayden, which made me question how the pen got there exactly. I rounded the corner into the kitchen and proceeded to find: seven boxes of 24 pieces puzzles dumped on the floor, the "no kid allowed without permission" cupboard open and a mess, and Brayden covered front to back, up his arm, on his clothes, in his scalp, on his face, on his stomach and even on his back (how he did this, i have yet to figure out) in black dry erase...which does not come out with water or stain remover. Brayden was in the bathroom trying to scrub his arm off, with the pen, in the sink.
Deep breathe.
I marched the boys out to pick up the puzzles. Which really meant me sorting and picking them up and taking out all the pieces they put in the wrong boxes. Who knows how many actually have 24 pieces anymore, seeing as Gavin was finding some in the heat vent and behind couch cushions.
I then proceeded to start a bath and while the kids got in, took the clothes to the laundry room and pulled out the rubbing alcohol (surprising cleaning tip here: rubbing alcohol does take out ball point pen, and as it turns out in this case...the dry erase pen too!) . Upon reaching the bathtub approximately 3 minutes later, I find Brayden had already bailed out most of the bathwater with a cup and mommy's "special treat, way more than I ever spend on shampoo" shampoo, floating half opened in the tub.
Deep breathe.
I will admit, at this point, the tears are welling up. I had to walk out of the room for a time out. I wanted to scream, "What are you doing?" I actually might have, it's all a blur. I did however leave out the part about him being crazy and my swelling desire to drop him off on a friend's doorstep.
Onto bath clean up. I got the floor cleaned up with three towels, cleaned up the training potty, which had the lid up and was full of water, and I managed to get most the pen off my children, without bathing them in rubbing alcohol (I figured some may frown on this and CPS would NOT help the day go any better. As is, the house already smelled like a distillery from cleaning the clothes off.) I took brayden out first, and set him in front of his train set while I got Gavin. By the time Gavin was cleaned off, I found Brayden in the office playing on the computer. Fortunately, nothing befell the computer, because Mommy was way past the end of her rope already.
Lastly, as I tucked Gavin into his bunkbed, I realized there was black pen all over Brayden's bedspread and his whiter than white gate, that holds him in bed. Hmmm...I didn't realize the pen had made it that far. I didn't bother to look for more. I just ran out of the room.
I think I may laugh about this someday. Not today. Today, I keep reminding myself how great he was getting his haircut this morning, how brave, how cute and how sweet giving me hugs when it was all done. I am reminding myself how he loves to laugh and is not afraid to enjoy life. Even when it's risky. I am reminding myself how much I love this little boy who has my shoulders tensed up to my ears and my head throbbing. It's really quite a phenomenon.
Here are a few pictures for enjoyment.

My turn

2010-05-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

Welp, it was finally my turn to get sick, I guess. Rarely do I actually catch something the kids have, but this time I took it in full force. I got a cold, turned sinus infection and have been breathing like Darth Vader for the last few days. My head throbs, my nose is completely plugged, I am coughing and, being pregnant, my friends Nyquil and Advil are not available. Yesterday, I was so short of breathe while having lunch and I couldn't figure out why. Finally I realized, if I chewed I couldn't breathe through my nose and so it was like holding my breathe every time I ate! It stunk.
Both the kids and Shawn have colds too, but they are functioning at a tad higher level than I am and have seemed to bounce back faster. (Well, maybe not Shawn. He's got it pretty bad, but is so busy that we are passing ships this week and we really haven't talked much about it. I am hoping he can see the Dr. on Friday.) The boys seem to sniffle and move on. Good for them!
I really am just not used to being sick and frankly, am not too keen on it. It isn't enough of a sickness to stop the daily routine, so I have been plugging along trying to be a good mom, but probably failing miserably. Yesterday, I did take the boys to play on the trains at Barnes and Noble, get a cookie and a new book. It was a nice treat for us all. But I can alway say, I have sunk to a new TV low with the children, just to get some down time.
Yesterday was also my month to host BUNKO for the group I play in. So I spent much of the day cleaning and preparing dinner and dessert for 12. I usually enjoy hosting, but was a tad sad that my week of all weeks was this one. I must have washed my hands a million times trying to sanitize! All in all it went well, however I didn't win any money and that was a bummer.
Today, I could be on the upswing. I can take a small breathe through my nose and my headache is a lesser throb. We have some friends coming for lunch that I know Gav will be pumped about and the sun is shining...which may mean some outside time for the boys. I am trying to be positive...not my forte.
I keep thinking about Job. I have no boils, my family is alive and all in all we are doin' allright, yet still I feel like I want to whine. Stepping back I am disappointed with myself for getting so down about something so minor. I wish I could rub Job's elbow and get some of his gracious praise worthy attitude. I am trying harder. Because, well...God is good and He does still sit on the throne. Cold or no cold. And frankly, I am very grateful to serve Him and that He tolerates my whininess with love, mercy and compassion. That is something very praiseworthy!

The bonk beds

2010-04-29T19:55:00.001-07:00

Upon request, we have some pics of the boys room...freshly painted with the new "Bonk Beds" as Gav refers to them. Since finding out WE ARE HAVING A GIRL...oh my goodness...I think there will be a little bit of redecorating over the crib. Good thing Shawn and I are too lazy, um, I mean busy, to have put any of the stuff back up on the walls!

Bray showing off his bunkBray's first night...he seems so small!
Showing mom how he goes night night.
He tries to help make the bed...showing me his new pillow
The crib & the khaki side of the room
The view from the door...a tad crowded...why yes!
Gavin, in his oh so Gavin "everything in it's place way" (where he gets this, I have no idea) places all his favorite things right up on his bed. Very tidy, very precise. The kid is a crack up. I especially like the toilet paper roll with the orange Easter egg in it. Now that's a keeper.

Bird Update

2010-04-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

The bird is still around. We are on day five. Each morning at 5am he begins head butting our windows. I have posted some google images of Owls on the back windows. I think it's working.
I am now risking my neighbor's judgement and printing out many owl pictures to cover the rest of the three windows and the sliding glass door, which have taken quite a beating. I will have some serious beak mark cleaning to do, by the time the bird dies or gives up.
Frankly, I am still not entirely sure why the bird is not dead. I think if it continues to wake us up at 5am it may be by this weekend. Shawn is NOT happy (and he doesn't even hear it during the rest of the day).
I am moving from "Silly bird", to "Stupid bird". I guess I can't blame him. I am pretty sure brain damage is now officially involved.

April's Greatest

2010-04-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Daddy & Bray...the birthday boys!Brayden who loves to dress up, totally unhappy with his new super cool policeman outfit.

Bray, Gav, & Maryn with armchair covers on their head...we thought it was funny!

Bray on his big boy bike!

Not too happy about the party hat!

Really happy with the garbage truck and garbage truck video we got him!

Happy birthday boys!

Gavin at his soccer game!

Easter egg dying

Gavin loves Easter Eggs!

Silly bird

2010-04-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today has been interrupted frequently by a banging noise coming from the far end of the house. At first, I thought someone was knocking on my window. Then, I was concerned someone was trying to break in. Then I braved pulling back the window drape to see a brown bird fly at me and smash itself into the window. I jumped back, taken off guard and then started laughing a bit. Silly bird.
I figured, the bird would figure it out sooner or later. But to no avail, this little guy must have smashed himself into the back windows over 200 times. He started at about 7 and was still going around 3:30. He did try different windows and even resorted to the sliding glass door a few times (until he saw Brayden who was fascinated and would slam himself into the door to get a better look). But in the end...the bird did not make it in.
I was thinking how stubborn this bird was...trying the same thing over and over. I had to laugh a bit, seeing as today was a super stubborn day with Brayden, trying the same thing, over and over. And a stubborn day with mommy, who tried to discipline the same way over and over. None of us were getting anywhere and with all the head butting, I am pretty sure we all had headaches (I cannot attest to the bird and Brayden, but I did).
Finally, the rain came and the bird gave up. Brayden has not given up and neither have I. But I did at least resolve to find some new tactics.
Thank you little bird. I will let you know if your lesson was any good.

Leavenworth

2010-04-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

So it was awhile ago, but over spring break we went up to Leavenworth for one night. Just a little family time away. It was a sweet time with the boys and we enjoyed ourselves. I finally uploaded some pictures!

Gavin at the resteraunt...happy to be out of the car!

Brayden and Gav got to pick out one toy...this was their pick. Thomas pez dispensers. Awesome, cuz I don't think the Bartell's a mile from our house has one of those...however, as you can tell from the face...SO HAPPY!

The pool was definately a hightlight for both kids!

The fish hatcheries were a suprising hit and Gav and Bray flirted enough with one lady worker to get some fish food to feed the fish...onlookers were jealous.

bedtime.

Gav loved stopping in the snow on the way up...on the way down Shawn stopped and Gavin got very upset when Shawn threw a snowball at his feet. "Dad, I get to throw them at you! You do not throw them back. No dad!" We had to inform him that wasn't how it worked. It didn't go over well.

A beautiful phenomenon

2010-04-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

So...yesterday, after the boys "roomtime" (this is the 30-40 minutes they have alone each morning...yesterday, Brayden was in his room and Gavin at the kitchen table with a project), Gavin went to let Brayden out of their room. I sat on the couch with my book, thinking they would come out and play for the next hour before we left for a friends house. My only goal was to finish the last three pages of the chapter in that hour. It seemed possible. So I began.
Five minutes went by and I only heard the boys chattering together. Ten more minutes passed and I heard more toys escaping from the toy box. Fifteen more minutes passed and I could hear Gavin teaching Brayden about Thomas trains and Brayden reading stories on his bed. In total, the boys must have played together in their room for about an hour. Amazing!
Multiple times, I thought of getting up to do something productive or to check on them, but I realized that would probably break the happy aura that surrounded the room. Their seems to be some sort of phenomenon that happens when I attempt productivity: productivity for mom = fighting and grumpiness for small children. Who was I to mess with the beauty God had provided?
And so I sat, on the couch, reading for an hour. Praise be to God. He knew I needed it and it was like a little piece of heaven! The boys are in roomtime now and we'll see what transpires when it's over. I have no delusions that we can repeat the glorious cooperation of yesterday, but boy wouldn't it be nice! At least I can say we are headed in the right direction! Go team!!

A time to laugh

2010-04-19T12:41:00.001-07:00

Between sicknesses (from Gavin's asthma and random fevers spiking to 103.9, to Brayden's sinus infection and his mysterious case of pooping pure liquid over 30 times in one day) Birthdays (Shawn's, shawn's mom and brother, Brayden's, my neice maryn and my mom's) and life, we have been quite occupied. Not much time to catch up and journal about life, liberty and the pursuit of sanity (:
To be honest, there isn't a whole lot new going on. Gavin is still loving his soccer games. He is not all that fabulous at the sport, but his desire to play and smile of joy make up for it. Gav is definitely starting to grow up. We can expect more cooperation and logic from him, but along with that there is more negotiation and frustration when he fails to seal the deal. (Whining has reached a whole new level).
Bray is, well Bray. He is active, on the go and is loving the sunshine and outdoors. He would do the "lawn" any day with his plastic lawn mower and blowing/eating bubbles never seems to get old for him. He acquired a bike for his birthday, so we now take bike trips down the street and back, his little legs propelling him like Fred Flinstone, because they aren't even close to reaching the wheels.
I am nearly 19 weeks into this pregnancy and tired enough to prove it. I look at my boys getting more and more self sufficient and think, "What was going through my head...we are starting all over?" But then I see their big boy moves and think, "At least all my babies aren't grown up...one more!"
I must say, with the business of dr. appointments and birthdays, I feel like we missed a month of life and somewhere in there, we turned a corner. The boys are older. Not necessarily wiser Today I found Brayden trying to stick his hand in a light socket...why he thinks this is clever, I am not sure. Yesterday, I found Gavin trying to pee standing up and found a majority of the pee floating around the outside of the toilet all over the ground...about a gallon of it, I'd say.
But they can get their gear ready to go by themselves. They can set their own places for dinner and say grace. They can play together for approximately 5 minutes without someone falling apart. And they can go outside all by themselves while mommy works on dinner. It's huge.
I am relishing these days. They are good days, with sweet boys.
So I am taking a moment to breathe in recognize that I am enjoying parenting. We are healthy and happy and it has been sunny three days straight! It's a seasonal thing and I am sure the season will change soon enough. But for now...it is a time to laugh and I am so grateful!

Our very own Curious George

2010-04-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I feel like having Brayden as a part of the family is like living with Curious George. I am often exasperated and Gavin likes to question, "Mom, is he being naughty?"
Most the time, I can't decide if he is naughty or just interested in everything. Although, he does get a defiant look when he really wants to press your buttons....Anyway...
Easter Sunday, Gavin had been sick, so Shawn stayed home with the kids. I had promised to help set up at church at 7 am. I called to check in about eight to see how it was going.
"You aren't going to believe it."
"What did he do."
"Brayden took off his sleeper, took off his diaper and smeared poop all over the pack and play, himself, and the blankets. I think he ate some. I have to go. He's in the tub and I'm trying to get it cleaned up."
My first thought, what a mess. Second thought, I am so glad he saved some of his creativity for his dad.
So, I left them to it and went into service and called to check on dad during my ride home.
"How's it going."
"You're not going to be happy."
"What did he do."
"Well, I got him cleaned up and in his Easter outfit and then set him and Gavin up to watch a show, so I could take a quick shower. He found a tub of vaseline, smeared it all over the floor in our room, laid down in it and began to smear it all over himself head to toe. I have a whole new respect for you."
"I'm sooo sorry Shawn."
"I have to go, I am trying to get it off in the tub...vaseline is hard to remove."
My first thought, darn it...the Easter outfits were cute and matching. Second thought, at least now Shawn will understand why sometimes when he gets home, I'm just done.
We love Brayden. I get a kick out of his love of life, curiosity and creativity. But man alive, that kid can wear you down! He is so busy. Shawn and I have already started praying that this can all be channeled into good works...I know he can be something great! He really does have a spunk that could change lives.
The real bummer in all of this, aside from the completely ruined Easter outfit, Shawn never got any pictures. He was to afraid to leave him alone any longer with the poop or vaseline, for fear of what might occur. I can appreciate this, the kid is quick. But man, it would have made for some quality kodak.

He is Risen

2010-04-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

Just a small blog to honor our Lord and Savior...

HE IS RISEN INDEED!

It strikes me as odd sometimes, that Christmas seems to be a bigger deal than Easter. It's great God sent his Son and I recognize celebrating His birth is worthy. But if Christ didn't die for our sins, and conquer death by rising from the grave, His birth would have meant nothing.
HE ROSE FROM THE GAVE!!! People are born every day...but no one has conquered death and taken on the sin of the world!!! Today's the day!!!
And so today, we celebrate Christ loving us enough to die for our sin, conquering death, and giving us new life.
2 Cor 5:17 In Christ we are a new creation...the old has gone and the new has come!"

Amen and Amen. Thank you for making me new and redeeming me from myself daily! I love you!

sick

2010-03-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

Gavin had an asthma flair up last week. It came on suddenly and he woke up Wednesday morning panting for air. It was the worse we had seen since he initially had pneumonia and we had no time to try and prevent it with his medications.
The asthma specialist couldn't get us in and we finally ended up at a Dr. from the clinic we usually go to. There was a mess up in prescriptions and the ones we needed weren't called in, but we found out too late. It was quite the ordeal. I actually had some of the steroid I knew he needed at home, but I didn't know the correct dose. The on call nurse was NOT helpful. I didn't want to be a know it all, but she was telling me to do something that I knew would not give him the relief he needed. I knew what he needed, but not how much to give him. The on call Dr. at the asthma specialist never called back and I tried 5 times. SO FRUSTRATING! I was sobbing on the car ride home as Gavin coughed his guts out in the back seat. I had tried sooo hard to take care of him and nothing was going right.
We made it through the night, waking up to nebulize him (this is a machine that attaches to a little mask and gives him his medication) twice, having him cough so hard he threw up once and getting a huge bloody nose. We let him watch shows while he gets his treatment. It is interesting to watch Thomas the train at 3 am...and a little creepy. The next day we got into the specialist and got what we needed. I love his Dr. and was so happy to go home with a boatload of prescriptions. Who would have thought I'd ever want to pump my kids full of drugs? To see him take a breathe is worth it!
It took about three days, but he is doing lots better. It was sad to keep him indoors during the nice weather on Saturday and he had to miss his soccer game. (We didn't tell him, because I knew this would bring many tears.) He would stand at the door and ask to go for a walk or out to ride his bike and I would have to say no. It made for a loooong three days.
Brayden now has a cough and is running a fever. At least he is in good spirits, so far and...DAD IS HOME! Shawn has spring break and that is sooo nice (last week during Gavin's episode dad was tied up with work and a wedding he was involved in). He has been so fun with with boys and they are loving the attention and man time! Shawn is too (:
I think about how frustrating it is to have Gavin so sick and to look at this little body fighting to do it's job and I pray for parents who deal with things much worse day in and day out. It makes me consider how fortunate we are for our health. I really do take so much for granted. As Gavin stated after a few days of meds, "I can breathe today, Mom. Isn't that great!"
Yes, yes it is.

Being mom...

2010-03-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

This has been a challenging season for the Ryan family. Daddy has been working very hard, Mommy has been very tired, Gavin has been very three and Brayden has been, well, Brayden.
I find I am always feeling a bit behind on the house work and trying valiantly to catch up, on what Shawn refers to as, "the never ending list." It's true. Why any mother, including myself, thinks there is a remote chance of actually being caught up on laundry is beyond me...but never the less, I try. I also try to keep the floor clean and the bathroom in a state, in which I don't stick to the floor, counter or toilet.
In my attempts, I often get short with the kids and utter the sentence, "Please go find something to do," more than I'd like. To be honest, the kids both have a "room time" for 30 minutes or more each morning where they play happily by themselves, Gavin in his room and Bray in a pak n' play, and me getting a few things taken care of. I should be grateful for this, but I still try to manage more once room time is over.
Gavin seems pretty content to play by himself for awhile, unless of course Bray is there. Brayden on the other hand, gets bored easily and then moves into destructive, vindictive mode. He will purposefully find everything he is not supposed to touch and go for it...looking me straight in the eye. From the toilet paper unraveling to the pulling freshly folded laundry out of the drawers...I have labeled him destructor. Then he gets time outs, and what not, however, very little has an effect on this child,which in turn leaves me more aggravated and Bray exasperated.
And so, at the end of a morning like today, I sit down and just feel like a bad mom. Not only is the laundry still not done and the toilet paper unraveled and sitting on top of the bathroom counter (because I'm not throwing the whole roll away), but my heart and my kid's hearts are sad. Brayden just wants attention and Gavin wants a book and I am not even sure what I want anymore. Well, I do know what I want, to be a good mom...but what does that look like?
I am pretty sure a good mom does not let pooped in pants sit on her pee covered bathroom floor, but I am also pretty sure a good mom sits with her kids to play games. I am pretty sure a good mom helps clean the syrup plate her kid dumped onto the table and chair, but I am also pretty sure a good mom let's her kids run outside and get dirty and enjoy it. I am sure a good mom takes the time for herself to get a bit to eat and get herself dressed, so she can start the day fresh. But I am also pretty sure a good mom gets her kids dressed and fed, so they can start the day fresh too.
Where is the balance? Today I am not so sure I know. I do know both sides are important...taking care of kids needs as well as household needs, but I also know that I place such high values on both, it is impossible to meet the standard I set for myself. If I hear another mom made homemade enchilada's and my family got hamburger helper, I feel I am failing at house duties. If I hear a mom took their kids out a play space while mine watched a show so I could finish cleaning the kitchen, I feel like I have neglected my kids.
I know I am not alone in this. I believe a majority of moms beat themselves too frequently, for things that are too insignificant to worry about. But we do it anyway. In the back of our minds we know our kids are no worse off for eating hamburger helper or watching a show now and then. We also know, our floor will be peed on again and our laundry basket will fill up quite quickly. But still there is some unfounded belief that someone out there has fed their kids healthy food their entire lives, never let them watch a show, has all their laundry folded and put away and their floor is meticulously clean.
Where is wonder woman? I have yet to meet her and I don't believe I will. I most certainly will never be her. And that my friends, is why my kids are in their room time, my dishes are still dirty, I have at least three loads of laundry, and I have decided to sit at the computer for a bit. It will never all get done and I am going to resolve to remind myself of this daily.
God continually reminds us in the Bible we're not perfect, but also reminds us to strive to be better and He'll love us either way. This I can embrace. I can not be perfect. Not a reasonable goal. But I can be better. That I can attain. And I will always be thankful that He loves me either way! I am going to remind myself of that daily too!

This weekend

2010-03-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

In order to accomidate for the new baby (yes, for those who don't know yet, I am a little over 14 weeks pregnant) I decided the boys room must be painted. (The boys have bunkbeds now...still in the boxes...which are espresso, the crib and changing table are white and well, frankly, it wasn't going to go with the crazy blue that coated their walls.) This meant that we moved the kids and I out for the weekend and Daddy painted, and painted and painted.
We went to stay with Mimi and Papa. The boys were in heaven. Gavin got to play in their gravel pathway with diggers and spent hours moving pebbles from here to there. He wouldn't set the digger down for fear, "Brayden might want to take this and I am working here." He drug it with him and was in his happy place.
Brayden is obsessed with Papa and his guitars. At one point, he got into the music room, grabbed the guitar by the neck and drug it across the house, down the hall and into Papa's room to ask for a song. I am suprised my dad didn't have a heart attack on the spot. Fortunately, I was spared replacing the $1,200 stringed instrument, seeing as Brayden managed to keep it from hitting a wall (Praise the Lord) but I did have to keep a closer eye on the little sneak!
Both the boys got to practice their ABC's on the microphone's, dance to Faraone family favorites and Gavin convinced Papa to sing "Go Tell it on the Mountain" at least 20 times.
Brayden is also obsessed with "Rawphy" aka Ralph, my parents cat. The amusing part of this is that, Brayden is terrified of furry animals. However, he would climb the stairs, run to my parents room and climb up on the bed to peek at Ralph, on his little cat bed. He loved sneaking peeks and seeing how close he could get. The minute Ralph made a move to be petted, Bray would jet away and tell the kitty, "Dop!". Brayden most definitely didn't want to be touched by the cat. (One brave time, with Gavin by him, he did stroke Ralph, but it was short lived.) Up and down the stairs we would go, in search of the cat, checking on his sleep habits.
The boys had such a great time. I will admit to being a tad tired, but I couldn't be more grateful for a family who works so hard to accommodate me and who love my boys so dearly. I really do have great parents. My boys are tiring and they are good sports. I also have a great husband, who didn't get to see his boys, but made sure their room was ready for them to come back to. As Gavin said this morning, "Do I get to keep the paint?"
"Yes, Gavin."
"Oh good, my room looks very pretty."
Good job Dad! And, thanks Mimi and Papa!

Nearly two

2010-03-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

Brayden is nearly two now and such a ham. He cracks us up daily with his antics and his mischievous smile. He really is starting to look like such a little boy!

Fire Station

2010-03-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the pics from the fire station and our boys doing their own fire fighter shots. They loved their new fire hats! So much so, Brayden got grumpy when we tried to take it off for lunch!

Bike riding

2010-03-11T19:21:00.000-08:00

Shawn took the boys down to the fire station to get bike helmets. Ever since, the boys cannot get enough of the helmets and going on "bike walks". Brayden mostly wears his helmet and runs, but sometimes he jumps on the back of Gavin's trike. It's really pretty cute!

Sunshiney day

2010-03-06T11:11:00.000-08:00

The boys have been on the upswing. We are still wiping noses, but no longer killing the environment with the amount of tissue we are going through. It's been nice to see Brayden's giggle and hear less of Gavin's cough.
Today, Gavin and mom got to go on a date. We went to Starbucks to get "cocko" and a breakfast sandwich. He opened the door for me, paid (with my card) and saved me a table. We talked about trains, the sunshine and what to get Brayden for his birthday (and of course what to get Gavin, when his turn arrives). It was a sweet time and I was in love as I held hands back to the car and got my cheek kissed.
When I arrived home, Shawn (who had taken Brayden swimming...he switches off with the boys every other Saturday) had Brayden eating breakfast and announced he wanted to take the boys to the fire station to get bike helmets. The next sentence threw me,
"I thought you could stay home and have time to yourself."
Ahhhhhh....the angels started singing and I believe I faintly heard the Hallelujah Chorus. I can't remember the last time I had the house to myself during the day. Even if it's a short time, it has been so nice. I got a shower in, the laundry started, kitchen and family room clean, bathroom relatively clean and a few other side chores done in about one eighth the time it takes with the kids.
The sun is shining, I have my soundtrack playing, the pink tree out front is blooming and all is well with the world. If only for a moment, I am loving sitting in my home, purely content.
God is good all the time, but on days like today, I am reminded just how incredibly good and overly blessed I am. Here in the sunshiney moment, I shall set up my alter to look back and remember His great goodness, when the whining starts and the rain comes.
Thank you God for the reminders to carry us through...we don't deserve Your unfailing love, but man am I grateful!

The orange plate

2010-03-01T13:13:00.000-08:00

Today Gavin threw a monumental fit over the fact that Brayden got the orange plate. Seriously, he cried for about 15 minutes at the table (loud enough to be heard over the blow dryer) and about 15 more in time out (I decided Brayden shouldn't have to watch the fit while he tried to enjoy his waffles). An orange plate? Really?
Upon reflection, I have decided Gavin is my child in many ways. He likes what he likes. I like to eat with a salad fork. I want the small fork. When Shawn accidentally gives me the big one, 9 out of 10 times I ask for a small one. (Yes, my husband's tolerance is exceptional).
Gavin also does not handle decisions well. You give him a choice and he hems and haws for hours. You narrow the choice and all the sudden he wants something outside of the choice. This is so the dilemma when we go out to eat. I think I know what I want, but after I pick it...I am pretty sure I want something else. (Or worse, I tell Shawn to choose and then tell him I don't like his choice...that never goes over real well.)
I think sometimes, seeing your flaws reflected in your children, make you all the more ready to take on the battle. You desperately want to free them of your inadequacies and so you run in head on. I want him to be thankful for what he is given. I want him to be able to make decisions with confidence and not worry about what he missed in not choosing the other. In short, I want better for my child than I have for myself.
My friend asked me..."Why not give him the orange plate?"
My response, "Because when he's my age he'll be eating with a salad fork and that's totally unnecessary."
She didn't get it...but I do.

Sick little guy

2010-02-27T21:59:00.000-08:00

Brayden had a fever earlier in the week. One hundred and two for about a day and a half. He was so sad. My bundle of energy was just Mr. lethargo. He would sit around with his eyes half mast and cling to his blankies. Gavin kept asking Bray questions and Bray wouldn't answer. Gavin got really frustrated to have his playmate give up any sort of activity.
We made a play date for Gavin to get out of the house (and hopefully not catch the cold). When we went to drop him off at Mrs. Stephanie's house to play with her nephew Charlie, two people whom Bray loves...he just whimpered "Athen"...his name for Gavin, as Gav jumped out of the car. Even Mrs. Stephanie, whim he adores couldn't muster much out of him.
When we got to the Doctor Brayen lost it the minute we walked into the exam room. He's had a lot of shots lately and is now terrified of anything resembling a doctor. When the nurse left he calmed down, but even when my mom came in with her stethoscope on he cried until she took it off. He cried for the Dr. and even the special Lightening McQueen I bought him and a Lollipop could not calm him down. Finally, after checking him out, my mom just carried a sniffly Bray out of the room.
Two ear infections and a really sore throat, was the prognosis. Poor kiddo. I felt sad for my hot bodied, sick little guy. I felt really bad, that there was a part of me that loved having him slow down and cuddle. Loved that I was the one he wanted and loved that I was his main source of comfort (well aside from his blankie, stuffed monkey and paci). Granted, after awhile it did get old being clung to...but in a strangley sweet way.
After 12 hours of antibiotics, bray is back in his crazy, energetic full glory. He and Gavin are playing and fighting, he's been pushing the limits and singing through the stores at the top of his lungs. It's good to see. We missed our little boy. But a part of me also misses the little cuddler who just wanted me and hie blanky.

Some good days

2010-02-24T10:59:00.000-08:00

Just when I am getting used to taking the kids out and they are all into their sidewalk chalk, the rain comes back! Such is life.
We have enjoyed the sunshine and I think getting out has really helped us as a family. The boys play so well outside and are both finally old enough to slide by themselves, climb the toys and what not. Brayden still needs a close eye, but he is starting to get the idea that jumping off the gaps on toys isn't the brightest move.
Yesterday, we were at Mimi and Papa's house. I had told Gavin we could play with the rocks and out in the back yard (they have a little rock pathway and they love to take the tea set that Mimi has stored in the playhouse and make "rock soup"). When I told him we couldn't go out because it had started raining, he stood at the backdoor with the saddest expression just watching the rain.
"Mama, when is it not going to rain?"
Hmmm....when will he be old enough to understand Washington?
All in all, the rain did do something for me. It made me appreciate the sunshine. A simple life lesson. Bad days make good days better, hard times make good times sweeter.
Today, Brayden is sick and Gavin really wants to watch cars...so we are going to make it a good day. We got some hot "cocko", as Gavin calls it, and we are going to snuggle in and watch cars. As I told Gavin, "Just because it's raining doesn't mean we have to be sad, we can still choose joy."
Now to live it out!

Even me

2010-02-19T13:13:00.001-08:00

The last two days I have mustered up enough umph to take the kids outside. With such nice weather in Washington and nearing the mid-fifties, one would think this would be the first thing I would do with the kids. But that "one" doesn't know me so well. I have always struggled with this activity...and I wish I didn't.
First off, I have a hard time motivating myself to do it alone. There is no one for me to talk and I just stand there and long for adult conversation. Correction: I do not stand there. I spend my time chasing the kids from here to there. Brayden has no fear of anything and is pretty much an accident waiting to happen, no matter where you take him. Being Mr. Independent does not help this scenario one iota. He runs into the street, off the gaps on the toys, into the water...you name it. If you find a place to go, he'll find a hazard.
Second, our backyard, while voted a great place to play is totally in the shade most this time of year and freezing cold. I do not like cold. This also keeps the ground wet, which in turn makes my children wet, which in turn causes a whole load of laundry to be developed in one trip outside. The front yard is on a fairly busy street and we are back to Brayden and his rebellious self running straight to danger. Also, no matter which yard you pick, I see all the weeding that needs to be done and start to feel a little overwhelmed. We aren't supposed to have to weed till April, right?
Lastly, much to my chagrin, I can be pretty lazy. The whole process of getting ready, going and then getting everyone back inside and clean again sometimes makes me tired just when I think it over. (Yes, I really am that lazy...not proud of it, though. Oh and yes, I did major in Recreation and Leisure in college...I aced the leisure part).
Well, the last two days, I put my selfish desires aside and the kids and I have been out and about in the sunshine. Yesterday we took a walk, collected rocks and then the boys played with the rocks in the front yard while I weeded. Today, Gavin rode his bike, with Brayden on the back, up and down the street for awhile, then we proceeded to do some sidewalk chalk out front on the driveway and retaining wall. Miraculously, I only had to drag Brayden out of the street 3 times.
My findings on these excursions: If I can just get us out the door, we are good to go. The initial motivation is still hard for me, but everyone is a little happier after the fresh air and Vitamin D. Even me.

Reality

2010-02-17T19:23:00.000-08:00

Daddy has been working obscene hours and been gone gone gone. He is working his normal job, as well being Principal for summer school and interviewing potential teachers after the school day is done. When he is home, he has been taking online classes and working on some potential applications for Principal positions. In short, the man has been working his "bum" off.
This weekend he had two extra days off and we were fortunate enough to go to a Lakehouse some friends of ours own, with another couple and their kids. Four whole days with daddy! It was awesome.
I do have to say, poor dad, by the time he got to vacation was sick (this is typical for him when he lets down...i think his body takes it as a sign or something). So he was awfully congested, tired and using Halls cough drops like some sort of crack. But other than that...it was so nice to have the extra set of hands and have daddy back.
We got to play games with our friends, do some light boating, throw rocks in the Lake and Gavin and his buddy became quite proficient at air hockey. It was a great time.
Unfortunately, today was back to reality. The kids had the dentist, we had to grocery shop and daddy won't be home for stories. I would say reality bites, because it's how I feel. But if I take into account that we made it through the dentist with only a few tears and everything looking good, we made it through the grocery store and actually remembered everything on our list and had cooperation, and we made it to bedtime without mommy having a breakdown...I'd say my reality is actually pretty decent...even if I don't feel it.
And so today I would like to give a shout out to the good Lord, for blessing me with a good reality, even when I pout. I don't deserve it...but then again, we don't deserve anything He gives us. I thank Him for that too!!!

reminders

2010-02-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

My son has not peed his pants for over a week. We resorted to "incentives" and for the most part, things were going smoothly. He had mostly stopped throwing tantrums overheading to the bathroom and well, life was easier. I pointed to the car on the mantel and reminded him
"If you stay dry for three sleeps, you can have the car. Do you need to go?" And he would. It's great.
Yesterday, he kept saying, NO. I took him at his word and am really just trying to give him the control over this one. (Cuz let's face it, I do not have control of his bladder, as much as I would like to). Finally, he hadn't gone since morning, it was nearly naptime and he had a melt down. He was screaming like a banchy in timeout and I saw him cross his legs.
"Do you have to go potty Gavin?"
From the end of the hall at an earpiercing level, "Noooooo."
Okay.
Two seconds later. "Mommy, I wet my pants."
Big suprise.
And back to day one. I hate informing him he doesn't get his car for another three days. It's hard for me to see his face droop. I also hate cleaning pee.
He tells his teachers he has to go. He tells his cubbie leaders. He tells me at the grocery store. I should be thankful he rarely has accidents out in public. But I am still just dumbfounded that it's been over a year and he still pees his pants.
It's a wonderful parenting reminder that you can't do everything right and that my job is to teach him to want to do right...not just to make him do it. At the same time, I wish the reminders smelled less and were slightly more sanitary.

Independent

2010-02-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

Brayden likes his independence. When we get out of the van, he wants to "walk". When we eat, he wants his "thork". When we change his diaper he wants to "potty". He doesn't want my hand. He doesn't want my help. He wants to do it himself
Now, if I could get Gavin, who still wants me to put his clothes and shoes on for him, to grasp this concept, we would be throwing a party. However, at one and a half, Brayden is just causing more work with his independent spirit than necessary. I let go of his hand for 20 seconds to get a five dollar bill out of my purse and he ran out of the store today. I had to drop everything and run after him, only to find a lady holding his hand and bringing him back to me with a look. (Thank you for returning my run away...look not needed).
When I took his hand he was mad. He was mad? Where does he get off being mad? I was livid! I just wanted to buy some Valentines stickers for them to make cards. That's all. Two sheets for $3.29...had my child not departed, the transaction would have taken 1 minute. Really! It was terrifying and it happened in under half a minute!
I do not want to foster a child who is over dependent on me for everything. However, I need Brayden to grasp the concept he isn't as smart as he thinks! Unfortunately, I have yet to convince him that the 30 some years of life I have on him are worth anything.
Today as he ran through the house with his sunglasses, boots and construction hat, singing into his mic, I did have to let the smile break out on my face. His spirit is just as adventurous and joyful as it is independent and it is God given. Lord, may I remember this the next time he bolts or tells me to "dop" when I try to do something for him!

Well worth the risk

2010-02-04T18:58:00.001-08:00

Today I felt desperate. I was so tired. I had used every last ounce of patience and I was feeling my muscles tighten together until I think my shoulders were actually touching my ears. I was pretty sure my children were actually gremlins, snickering or baring their teeth at me whenever I asked them to do something. And I was contemplating running away for the weekend, until I remembered it too, was incredibly booked and busy.
It was bath time at the end of a looooong day and all I could think was, "I haven't bathed in two days." Now sometimes I won't wash my hair for a few days, but I literally hadn't had a shower since Tuesday. Yuck. My hair was greasy greasy, stringy and I felt just plain gross. I could have been cast as a survivor after week two.
And so, after I got on the kiddos pajamas, I decided to shower. Normally I have the kids in their room time for this...aka, quarantined, but I knew that would entail screaming that I could not handle at that precise moment. And so in desperation, I put my three year old in charge. I locked the door, told Gavin he was to answer it under no circumstances, asked him to watch Brayden (yes, I told my 3 year old to watch my 1 year old) and got in the hot water.
I heard Brayden rooting around in the bathroom cupboards and ignored it. I heard him close the door and all I could think was, "Well, if they ransack the house, at least I won't know until I get out."
I will admit it wasn't as bad as I had thought. Gavin was working on a puzzle and Brayden had multiple other puzzles out, trying to open them and spread them all over the place. Gavin informed me, "He's helping." Helping who do what, I am not sure, but there was no yelling and a mess that we could easily clean.
Big sigh.
My shoulders had lowered to my mid neck and I think a few ounces of patience had seeped in through the water. My hair was clean, I had shaved the longer than I am proud of, hair off my legs and I actually smelled good. The gremlins were gone and I thought my children were cute again. We finished out the night okay. No mommy melt downs.
I must admit. I did not think giving my two kids rein of the house for even 15 minutes was a good idea. And it probably wasn't. But this case goes to show you...sometimes it is worth the risk.

My super cute neice and nephew

2010-02-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't had a chance to post about my baby neice and nephew since they were born. Here is Ashton Kiera Burkhalter. About 8 months old and reallllly cute!

This is baby Evan Thomas Ryan at Christmas. So cute and snuggly! It's been fun to cuddle the babies!

The food table

2010-01-30T20:30:00.000-08:00

We have moved out of wedding showers, are toning down the baby showers, but have full bore arrived into the season of "kid parties". Today the boys and I went to a party for Gavin's friend Ali. She's three and loves all things pink. It really was a good party and she was so happy.
My issue:
I don't mind birthdays so much, what I do mind is having to take both my boys by myself, looking at the food table and knowing I will be consuming so little of it. It's always sad to me when I see this beautiful spread of food, that I did not have to prepare, and I barely get a chip in my mouth. Between feeding my always hungry sons and attempting to monitor their activity I felt my stomach starting to eat itself as I saw all this great food and could not find a way to make it into my mouth. I am pretty sure the folks I did not know there, and maybe some I did, thought I was a bottomless pit at the rate at which I was going back to the scone plate. I just wanted one for myself, but two little mouths always landed at my knee devouring them before I could taste the buttery yumminess.
When I went to fill my plate, Gavin had drama over sharing a balloon. When I went to get a drink, Brayden fell down the slide. Then it was time for presents. Then cake...which of course my sons get first dibs. Then I needed to get Gavin to the potty, which resulted in a full on fit (what is new there?). Finally, I decided it was probably time to go.
I was able to consume one bite of melon, half a pinwheel sandwich, three bites of scone and a half a cup of punch. Oh and quite a few chips, seeing as those were fairly portable, while trying to corral my kids and force them into sharing. My kids on the other hand, gorged themselves,loved the party and want to go back.
Tomorrow we have a one year old birthday for Shawn's best friend's daughter. Shawn is coming. I am going to eat until I hurt. And then I am going to have cake.

nature vs. nurture

2010-01-21T16:12:00.000-08:00

Today at MOPS a question was posed about nature vs. nurture. If there is one thing I have learned about having boys, it's that you can nurture as much as you want, but nature will have its way. I have not nurtured the fascinations with trains or garbage trucks, but still there is a natural fascination that I cannot break. It's unreal.
In no way did I attempt to get my child to learn the names of each Thomas the Train engine. In fact, until I had boys, I didn't even know there were more trains than Thomas. I most definitely did not encourage them to want all the trains, especially at $15 a pop (I have actually considered taking up wood carving, because those trains are so ridiculously priced.) And I do not encourage them to build tracks every day. Yet still...these things occur.
Garbage trucks are a whole different story. I now own four, ranging from hotwheel sized to half of Brayden's size. The boys have recently revamped their fascination with these and love to "Play garbage together," as Gavin says. They load up the plastic food, french fries being the most fought over, they apparently make for good trash, then go take it to a place to "dump, dump, dump." They'll play garbage trucks for up to an hour together. Not to mention, they got a garbage truck video (VHS, none the less) at the video store and it's actually the first video Bray will sit all the way through. Gavin watches it every night. It's crazy, annoying and they love it! No, I had nothing to do with teaching them the difference between the front loader and heil side loader, but they found out and they can point them out on the road. Nature took it's course.
As for nurture, I think I am the one getting nurtured. I can now name multiple Thomas engines and sing quite a few of the songs. I make a mean track, using all the track we own. I know how to play garbage trucks..."Tonka sanitation services, ready for pick up." I can quote the quotes from the buttons and I am eerily good about recreating the lift and dump noise on the medium sized front loader.
Do I let the boys play with dolls? Sure, we bought one when Bray was born. Gav knows what to do. Feed it, burp it, swaddle it and find a truck to drive it in. The last part he came up with on his own. Brayden found it once. He'll hug it, set it down, then run over to his matchbox truck, wrap it up in a small blanky, pick it up and pat it night night.
I don't know much, but I do know the question made me laugh. I am doing my best to nurture many things, and I believe you can. But we do have a healthy quantity of things in this house that arrived by nature and nature alone.

Costco

2010-01-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

Friday: I'd been putting off a trip to the bank and Costco all day and finally decided, after naptime we are going! I got all ready, got the kids up, gave them a package of fruit chews (thinking this would be a great little treat to prep them for the outing) and went to take Gavin potty before we left. The chewies were gone and he had a complete melt down, screaming, kicking and yelling about how, "I don't want potty and I don't want Costco". You and me both, kid, but I am out of Ziplocks.
I finally just dragged him out to the van, where Brayden sat happily strapped and munching on chewies, and wrestled Gavin into his seat. He cried the whole way to the bank. The fake kind. The kind where they start strong, wind down and then stop. About a second after they stop, they realize their still mad and rev up again. It was a fantastic start to an already dreaded trip.
After another melt down about which drive through lane we use (Gavin wanted the one by the window, which of course had a line) we finally finish with the bank, hand back the stickers they give us and everyone is happy for about 5 minutes...until we pull up at Costco.
A jeep totally swipes a spot I was waiting for. I had my blinker and everything and it just swoops in. It was such a great spot, so close. I see the side of the jeep and the whole thing is covered with "Progressive"...I am now never getting progressive insurance.
I continue to the far reaches of the earth and park the van. "Here we are."
Gavin points out, "It's raining."
Mom, feeling like a louse because she has on a coat and they don't. "Don't worry, you have on long sleeves and it's only a sprinkle...we'll run!"
Gavin, "I don't want to run."
Mom, "No suprise there."
We get out and do our best to get into Costco fast. I think the attempt at speed may have slowed us down.
Finally, we are in. We spend an entire trip informing Gavin that the race track they had out at Christmas is gone. He doesn't get it and asks over and over to see it. I finally take him to all the mattresses and say, "See...no race track. No toys. It's gone. There are none. Christmas is over and they took the toys. It's just beds and furniture." I felt mean. But I was tired of discussing the racetrack.
Gavin thinks and then says, "Okay mom, but can we go see the race track?"
Argh! I give up on trying to convince him and go on a hunt to find all the coupon items, which I swear they have moved to different locations. Upon looking in my purse for my last coupon I realize I don't have the envelope of cash from the bank. It's in the van. I search my purse another three times just to make sure I really screwed up.
Sure enough.
I wheel the cart up to the entry and park it to the side. Gavin asks where we are going.
"Out to the van, so fast so mommy can get our money."
"And then we go home?"
"Ummm...no, we have to come back and buy the groceries."
"I don't want to."
"Neither do I."
I look outside. It is now a torrential downpour. I look at my cart, at the rain, my cart again. I've already shopped. We're out of Ziplocks. I love Ziplocks. I am not coming back here later...we're goin' for it.
I kindly ask the Costco lady if I can set my cart aside and come back to get it. She looks at me, at my coatless kids and declares, "It's really raining." Thanks Sherlock!
"Yes, I know, but I just can't come back again", I say as she gives me a look declaring me a horrible mom. At this point, I did not need that look, I had achieved feeling this way all on my own.
I put the kids in a new empty cart, take off my coat, put it over my kids heads and proceed to high tail it through the parking lot. I am in a short sleeve shirt, lightweight Yoga pants, getting SOAKED and my son is yelling, "Mama, it's so wet." We call him Captain Obvious.
I get to the van, get my money and run back to the entry way. The lady looks at me, dripping in my T-shirt and I take the coat off my kids, trying to salvage some dignity, but realize it is far too soaked to put back on. Brayden at least, is giggling, thinking the whole thing is hysterical. Gavin is just very concerned about his wet knees and insisting I get a napkin to wipe them off.
I head over to the lines and see that of course, they grew exponentially while we made our trek out to the Egypt, where our van was parked. I silently send up a prayer for the driver of the Progressive jeep, asking God to teach them a lesson or two about stealing parking spots.
We finally get through the line, get our smiley face on our receipt and head back to the van.
I throw my coat back over my kids and do my best, but with all the groceries it's slow going. Brayden has taken to pulling off the coat and Gavin is trying valiantly to keep his knees dry. My T-shirt and pants are stuck to me. I get the kids in the van as fast as I can and then try to load up. My back is soaked clear through. Gross.
We get home and I run the kids in and strip them down. Brayden is in his diaper, Gavin running around naked and singing, "Nakers Nakers Nakers." I get some underwear on Gavin and quickly pull together some dinner.
They are naked. They are happy. I have Ziplocks. I am happy. I guess this is what we call success. I never pictured it to be my kids naked, my hair drenched and crazy, my groceries piled high and all of us sitting around eating chicken nuggets, but I'll take it. However, the next Costco trip, we're bringing Dad.

Alien forces

2010-01-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

The personality progression of Gavin has been an interesting one:
Newborn: Compliant
Infant: Compliant
One Year: Compliant
Two Years: Compliant
Three Years: Alien Invasion...which fight his sweet spirit and turn him into crazy boy.
It's been amazing to watch, really.
I tell him "Take your blanket to your room."
"Ahhhh, Nooooo!" I hear as he runs away and falls to the ground in a fit. Screaming at the top of his lungs about how he "doesn't want to" I drag him to time out. I'll go back and ask if he has self control.
"Noo! I don't want to."
Again. Same response. About a half hour later....
"Mooooom, have self control Mom."
We go through the routine. Talk about what we did wrong. Talk about punishment. He asks for forgiveness, I give him a hug and tell him,
"Okay, now it's time to put blanky in your room."
He crumples in my arms screaming, "But I don't want tooo!"
Again? Really?
I set him away from me and ask, "Who are you?"
"Grrrr" is the only reply. It's the alien talking.

I love my son and I still see daily glimpses of his sweet spirit as he works along side his brother, teaching and coaching. As he runs to me, just to give that hug. As he turns and makes a face, letting me know, "Mom, I'm silly." He's still in there and I am working so hard to cultivate that kid. However taking down the alien is a full time job.
I have given up on praying for an exorcism and have decided the best route is to pray for myself: Wisdom, understanding, and patience, and my son: gentleness, humility, and obedience.
In the meantime, I will continue fight the alien forces until my sweet boy knows how to do it for himself.

This Christmas

2009-12-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

I feel as though after Christmas, I should write something profound. That our family should have some epiphany type moment, the angels should have blasted their trumpets and choirs ring out. We had no such Christmas. It was good. Pleasant. My kids were something to be reckoned with after all the schedule changes, late nights, sugar doses, and gifts gotten. There was nothing pretty about that. Nothing spectacular...in fact it was a bit on the unfortunate side.
Yet, as I began taking down the Christmas ornaments, wrapping up the decor and packing up the Nativity, I did find a similarity between our Christmas and that of Christ's birth. It was not what was planned. Though it was a great, it was not anything beyond the ordinary and in some cases inconvenient.
I love that Christ came this way. That he arrived in everyday chaos and lived it out. That he can in fact relate to daily life, the inconvenience of being human and dealing with humans.
When I did get some quiet moments to try and reflect on the season, this is what I came up with. And though it isn't exactly a spiritual epiphany or mountain top experience, it was a quiet comfort and I believe God knew I needed that this season. To know my Jesus is alive and with me and completely understands the daily routine of life, the unscheduled events and the unfortunate events. He was after all born outside with the animals, nestled for his naps in a feed trough and carted here and there to escape King Herod. That by far exceeds any bad days I've had and that was just his beginnings...
So here's to Christmas, and a God, a Savior and a Baby who loved us enough to come be with us...in the daily human life.
"The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish." John 1:13 Message

Livin' the dream

2009-12-24T22:14:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of the season, in 2006, when Gavin was a baby, Shawn and I decided to create a tradition that would mean something during the Christmas season. In an effort to teach our kids about giving and serving (which Jesus is the example of the Ultimate Gift and Service) we decided we would buy four bottles of sparkling cider each year and give them to people we saw serving, sacrificing and giving to others. We attach a small note, to let them know of our tradition and letting them know they are appreciated and noticed. We try to pick new people each year and they aren't always people who have served us directly, but just people we know are sharing their lives and what they have. I love this tradition and I get very excited each year to pick our people, load up and go out.
Anyway...this year, I was super excited because Gavin is 3 and I thought he would love this. He loves to give and he loves people. Apparently, he doesn't love it as much when you take him away from his trains to go. Or when you make him go potty before we load up the van. Or when he can't stay at the people's house and play. Oh the drama.
In an effort to make a long story short, a day that was supposed to be teaching our son about giving to others was actually spent in the van hearing him whine about how much he doesn't want to (as in a constant high pitched monologue of everything that he was unhappy about...from the music choice to Brayden looking at him.) No joke. The irony was intense, as was my headache. By the end Brayden had joined in and I had begun to feed them M&Ms I had, one by one to try and keep their mouths shut.
Finally, after we finished lunch (another part of the tradition is to go out to eat afterwards and talk about what we did...not that the kids had earned it, but mom and dad sure had) we loaded up the van once more and Gavin pipes up, "Mom, do we have more cider?"
"No Gav, we're all done."
"Oh, but I want to go out with more cider."
I looked at Shawn about ready to explode...WHAT!?! Are you kidding?
Shawn: "Gav, we're all done until next year."
"But daaaad..."
Shawn: "Another magical Christmas moment."
Holly under her breath to Shawn: "Please tell me there will be a day where our kids will look back and think how cool this was and what a fun family tradition it was. Please."
Shawn: "They will."
I think what he didn't say is that we'd probably be dead.
Upon reflection, I guess that might be okay. If at any point my kids get it, then it was worth it. I can think of quite a few things I whined my way through that I am quite thankful for now (yes mom, I do like knowing how to change my sheets and clean a bathroom...still don't like doing it, but I am glad I can). And maybe someday...though it may be years down the road, we will all have a bottle of cider for someone, all happily sing our carols and all be grateful for the opportunity to honor those who inspire us. Until then, I will dream the dream and do my best to live it...until my kids do too.

And then God fixed our cars!

2009-12-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

I am, what some might refer to as a control freak. Now, I'd like to believe this is getting better as years pass. I have learned to talk to God about things and am working hard to trust Him to deal with them. As with many people, money is one area in which I struggle greatly with the challenge God gives us when He says, "Do not worry about tomorrow."
Money is tight for everyone now days and then you add Christmas and it usually gets tighter. I can tend to be a penny-pincher. Definitely on the frugal side and very definitely on the over dramatic side when expenses start to add up. This month expense after expense was adding up and I was just about to go ballistic. Each time something came up I wanted to shout, "Awww, com'on! For real?" These were not expenses I planned, nor were they the type that got you into a vacation spot with palm trees and ocean breeze.
Anyway...one of these expenses was our van. We had to get new tires for it, which made Shawn and I quite grumpy. Seeing as our van was just 2 months old, used, but according to the dealership, all checked out and supposedly everything that wasn't at least running at 60% or above, was replaced. Well, it turns out our tires were so bad that our whole car and steering wheel were shaking and Les Schwab said two were too dangerous to drive on and the other two weren't looking so hot either. Pretty much, not 60% or above.
Shawn wrote a letter into the dealership, explaining what had happen and why he was disappointed in their salesmanship. He included the receipt from Les Schwab and sent it off asking for reimbursement. We pretty much felt it was most likely an exercise in futility, but also felt better by doing it.
Then after we got the van back, we had to take our little Echo in (which it was about time, since it is over 103,000 miles with only new brakes and tires...I really can't complain too much). But as we drove away, I held Shawn's hand and prayed, "Lord...this really is your money and you can do with it what you like. Thank you for your faithfulness and help us to trust You with what you have given us."
About an hour later the dealership calls and talks to Shawn, in the end, offering to reimburse the tires. About two hours after that, the service people call and tell us the total estimate to fix the Echo. It cost $2 less to fix the Echo than the reimbursement for the tires! No joke! God is so good!! He answered a huge prayer in under 3 hours...how cool!
And this is why serving God is so fun and so exciting! You really never know when a miracle is gonna pop up. I am sure they pop up more frequently than I notice. But maybe part of this miracle is having my eyes opened to his graciousness and the gifts He wants to lavish us with.
It reminds me of how excited I am to give Gavin and Brayden their presents...to watch them open them, to see the light in their eyes, and to know I have pleased them. It is confounding that the God of the universe loves us in this way. That His heart flutters at my excitement over free new tires. That He is happy when I am happy. That He longs to show us just how much He loves us. As though sending His Son, Jesus, wasn't enough, He continues to pour out His love and fixes our cars to boot!
Thank you Father God, for taking such tremendous care of us!

Naptime...whose time is it anyway?

2009-12-18T14:27:00.000-08:00

So...Brayden fell asleep while out on errands today. I look in the review and see the head to the side, eyes closed and panic sets in. "No, no, no! Wake up Bray! Brady! Look...I see a garbage truck...LOOK BRAY!" No movement. Nothin'.
I proceed to turn up the music and stretch my hand back to wiggle his foot as best I can. Still...out like a light! SHOOT!
It wouldn't have been that big a deal, if we were going home, but we weren't. We still had to stop at Shawn's school to deliver the gifts Gavin had made for the office staff. I had promised him. As is, I pulled up to the school and I notice tons of cars pulling in and look up to see the reader board alerting me, "Holiday Concert 1:15." I look down at the clock...1:10. Oh sheesh!
So, out we go, waking up Brayden and hoping upon hope, that we can even find daddy. We do. He's busy. We try to deliver some of our gifts without being too much of a nuisance. Invited to the concert, I take the boys thinking maybe it'll wear Brayden down again. It's a no go. After one song and a bike give away, Gavin is doin' the potty dance and Brayden is trying to escape.
Back through the office and to the van. Gavin looks ready to fall on his face, though he is insisting "I no need a night night." Brayden, he looks ready to take on the world. UGH!
So, here I sit in the office, attempting to ignore the thump thump thump of Brayden in the pack and play and an occasional "Maaaaama!" at the other end of the house. I don't want him to be awake. This is not the day I was supposed to have. This time is mine. Mine, mine, mine!
The books say sleep is important to children. It helps them to function and behave better. The reality is, their sleep time helps me to function and behave better. I am not sure what to do, I'm considering earplugs...because if a child is in the other room supposedly napping and no one is around to hear him...he must be napping, right?

Advent

2009-12-14T20:20:00.001-08:00

We have this amazing Advent book, we bought for our family last year. It's actually called "The Advent Book." It is hardbound, with boardbook pages that have a door on each page, for each day of Advent. Each door opens to reveal a picture and Scripture to tell the Nativity story. The illustrations are BEAUTIFUL! I love it. It is the beginning of a tradition for our family and I cannot wait to hand the book down.

Anyway...Gavin loves to do Advent. (We tried with Brayden, but the minute we lit the candle, he began trying to blow it out and kept blowing all through our reading. Well...we figured by the time we got to day 10, he'd probably hyperventilate and decided next year we'd let him stay up for it.) Gavin, always wants to read ahead and loves to open the doors. Sadly, he's not that into the actual story of Christ's birth.

It's a challenge...the Advent season. We want our children to know it's about Jesus. We want the true meaning of Christmas to be in their hearts and lives. We also want them to have a childhood full of wonder, imagination and tradition. We want them to decorate, enjoy lights and cookies. And as I watch Gavin set up the Nativity with Mary, Joseph, Jesus and Lightening McQueen, I think of what a challenge it is going to be to raise children to be "In the world, but not of the world." I can't convince Gavin that Lightening McQueen needs to go and that the wise men are not for using as "Yuckies" to dump out of the garbage truck. These are holy figures kid!

It's moments like these where I am once again forced to recognize my inadequacies as a mom. I realize I have very little idea what I am doing or how to do it. I am just praying that God will give me wisdom and doing my best to point to Him and that someday, my kids will do the same.
But it's also in these moments, where I look at the baby sitting next to Lightening McQueen and am reminded of what a great Gift Giver we serve. How amazingly big and gracious is our God. Willing to send His Son. Willing to offer His child. Willing to love and love and love some more.

With a God like that leading the way, parenting doesn't seem quite as scary and I am not so worried about Lightening joining the Nativity. Because if God sent His son for my sons, surely he'll help me raise them too and no little red race car will get in the way.

Our Shepherd

2009-12-12T11:38:00.001-08:00

Here is Gavin in his shepherd's outfit at our Christmas program practice. You have to take pictures then...because you never know if you'll get the real deal come performance time.

The Nativity...Ryan Style

2009-12-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

So...here is what happens when you put Gavin in charge of setting up the Nativity scene on the side table. Note: McQueen and Mater up front...the headless angel (which was why we ended up getting him his other plastic Nativity) hiding back behind the shepherd. He apparently took me seriously when I told him Jesus is for everyone. "Mom, Mater and Jesus are friends too!"

The "fit"

2009-12-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we were driving home from Gavin's "Cubbies" program and Gavin announces, "I don't want to go home and take a night night, I want to watch a show and have a snack."
"Gavin, it's way past bedtime. We are going home to go night night."
I hear a mumbled, "No". I choose to ignore it. It grows louder, "NO." Still ignoring. Then I proceed to hear Gavin grunting and twisting and attempting to throw a fit in his car seat. It was hilarious. You'd hear "Argh!" "Ummmph" "Errrr" accompanied by harsh twists and punches to the arm rests. Oh the drama.
I sang along with the Christmas carols, pretending not to hear him, all the while trying so hard to keep from laughing. Why the child thought throwing a fit while sitting in a restraining device was a great plan, I'm not sure...I'll chalk it up to being three. When his dramatics did not produce the desired effect, he proceeded to throw a toy on the ground. And then another. Finally, due to lack of participation on my part Gavin declares,
"Moooom, I'm throwing a fit." At least he was trying to. It was the weakest fit I've ever seen, but the effort was good.
"Yes, I know. And if you continue, you'll be punished when you get home and go straight to bed."
"Hmph." Silence.
"Mom, I'm done. Maybe I'll just have a snack and take a night night, that'd be good?"
Apparently, when desired drama doesn't work we move straight to negotiation.
"Maybe Gavin. We'll ask Dad."
I move straight to passing the buck.

Seasonal stuff

2009-12-08T08:28:00.001-08:00

The boys in their Christmas Pajamas I made them. You can't really tell, but Brady's say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and Gav's say "Jingle Bells." Their pretty fun!

We went for a walk down the block in the cold to see the Goose. There is this little stone goose at a house down the street, of which the owner dresses up for each season. It was fully decked out as a reindeer, brown outfit, red nose, antlers and all. Brayden LOVES to walk out to the goose!

Their happened to be a large county digger parked for the weekend. We took advantage to check it out a bit!

Hide and Seek

2009-12-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

Yes, it totally looks like my kids have their noses to the wall...but I promise, they chose to! It's hide and seek Ryan style and they love it. Bray is especially fond of counting, "Un, Oooh, EEEENNNNN" and then running out to seek, muttering "nooo, nooo, nooo" like his mom does when she "looks" for the boys. Gavin loves to hide. He especially likes to hide just where you last hid. It makes it even harder to pretend you don't know where he is.
Bray is getting better at hiding and staying put. He's very quiet and will sit right where you put him, but he is a very big fan of poking his head out to check if anyone is coming. Purpose defeated.
All in all, it's hilarious to play with these two. They love it and that is what matters. I am looking forward to the day they really get into it and stay hidden for awhile. Maybe I can fold a load of laundry while I "look" for them!

The lights

2009-12-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

Gavin helped with the decorating this year. Brayden was there...trying to help, but fittingly, we have dubbed him "destructor," and this is mostly what his efforts caused. Here are some pics of our efforts.

Gavin and Dad putting up the outside lights.

Brayden occupied by the tricycle didn't cause too many problems outside.Gavin's job during tree lighting was holding the lights...he did great!
Gavin's first time placing the star on top, (there was some adjusting afterward, but he tried)!

Thankful

2009-12-07T13:11:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving at the Faraone's...trying to get all the cousins to cooperate...not successful!

My super cute neice ashton and all her hair!

Our traditional preThanksgiving meal with our good friends the Shurtleffs!

Vacation?

2009-11-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

Being a school teacher has it's perks. Shawn gets 5 days off at Thanksgiving. Woo-hoo! I was so excited. After the car accident, Brayden not feeling well and general mayhem, I was looking forward to some reinforcements.
Well, things went okay. Not exactly according to plan. Thanksgiving itself was chaotic but nice. Family and friends just tend to be that way. Friday we started Christmas decorating...again chaos. Introducing tons of untouchables to two toddlers makes for a tiring day. We did have my in-laws over for games, which was fun. But by bedtime, we were pooped. It was around midnight when I heard the crying...
Gavin was sitting on his bed wailing and upon closer look, he was sitting in a pile of vomit. The pillow we just threw out and then the cleaning began. We just about had it all taken care of when my little man says, "Uh oh, Mom. I hurt my stomaaaaathhhpt!" and threw up on himself and the carpet. Round two.
So from there on out, he had the puke bowl and I slept (or pretended to sleep) next to him the rest of the night, waking up about 4 times to watch my three year old's tiny body wrack with dry heaves. It's agonizing. He was a trooper. By 5:30 we were done and about 8 am the family was up. Daddy was sick. Gavin was not doin' so hot and Bray was just whiny.
At nap time, it was Bray's turn to puke. Macaroni in the pack n play. We found him playing with it. Beyond gross. (It will be a good long while before I serve mac n cheese.) Unfortunately, Brayden did not grasp the concept of a puke bucket. However, he did manage to nail a few wisemen and Joseph with the yuckiness. (Oh and his mom as well...at least it gave me an excuse to finally get in the shower).
Sunday, I am happy to say, saw us all doing better and having slept at least 10 hours each. We stayed home from church and just vegged as a family. Brayden sat on laps all day and snuggled (this is unheard of from our little bundle of activity) and Gavin joined mom in bed for an early nap (again, unheard of for our little guys...they usually think our bed is a trampoline or wrestling mat). Later in the day, Gavin and mom did some errands and had a date at Starbucks where we discussed what to get everyone for Christmas. Gav is pretty sure everyone wants trains, but I'm working to help him broaden the scope and at least ask what people want. (He promptly went home to ask his dad and reported back that dad wants an audi...I hope Gavin comes into some money soon).
We spent the night with the boys hanging up lights and putting up the tree. And ended our day together reading books by tree light and enjoy some family time.
I have to say...it wasn't as planned, but Sunday made the weekend worth while. If it takes a little bit of flu to slow us down, snuggle, go on dates and just hang out as a family, then it's worth it. However I am hoping I learned the lesson and next time we will make days like Sunday a priority without the none to gentle reminder!

"Sharing Jesus"

2009-11-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

So we were in the bookstore the other day and Gavin runs up to me..."Can I play with Jesus, Mom?" I look around and spot a little people Nativity Scene and tell Gavin..."Sure". That's great, my kid wants to play with Jesus, awesome!
Shawn and I see how into the set the kids are and noting that it is not breakable as our other set is, we decide to get it for them. Gavin, super excited carried his box out to the car and informs us.
"I'm taking Jesus home."
Shawn replies, "Well, when you get home you have to share Jesus with Brayden."
Gavin: "I don't want to share Jesus."
Mom (getting all metaphorical): You HAVE to share Jesus. Jesus is everyone's friend and you have to share him with anyone who wants to play with him.
Gavin: "No mom, Brayden can have the donkey."
Mom: "You have to share Jesus Gavin."
Gavin: "Okay, but I get Jesus first and you're the donkey.

Lesson learned...do not discuss theological metaphors about Jesus with a three year old. You'll end up being the ass.