Amanda Kathleen Ryan

Well, she's here! Last Friday I was induced. They broke my water and three hours later, out she came...little Manda. 7lbs 12 ounces and 20.5 inches long, born at 11:03 am on Sept. 10th. We love her to pieces.
I will say it was a bittersweet day. Two hours after Amanda arrived, we received a phone call that Shawn's Grandpa (who we love and adore) was in the emergency room across the hospital with serious bowel twisting issues and doctors conferencing to see if surgery was even an option, due to his frail health. He underwent a minor surgery that day, but also had two mini heart attacks and things were not looking good. He pulled through though and a week later is on his way home to a more elaborate care system, but at least no hospital.
Amanda has blended into the family well. The boys love her and Gavin is especially attentive to her every cry. She's doing great at night and already sleeping in four hour chunks (PRAISE THE LORD). We hope to keep this up, but I am not holding my breathe. Just about the time you count on a baby for any consistency, they tend to change it up on you (:
Life seems to be a marathon right now. Gavin started preschool and soccer and MOPS, which I volunteered to help with started. Also, Wednesday nights at church starts up next week, where I lead a small group of girls and, after taking two days off, Shawn is back at work trying to figure out life as a principal and make sure to get home in time to spend QT with the kiddos.
In the midst of it all I am trying to figure out how to juggle caring for my husband, the kids, my house and a newborn. I am finding it especially hard, seeing as we plan on this being our last baby. I don't want to miss a moment and I want the time to cuddle and play with her like a firstborn, but it just is not to be. I have two little men who are far more aware and in need of attention right now and one big man who is working like crazy to care for his family, who needs my support.
All of this has helped me to appreciate the nightime feedings more. It's our time together, just me and my baby. I will admit to watching TV quite a bit, but I also use it to pray over her and soak in her tininess, that is already changing so much!
It's a new season, one I will admit to being apprehensive about, but also excited for. We have our complete family (unless God has a surprise out there...), a family of five. Crazy, scary, exciting and oh so blessed!!!

Coming this Friday?

So, as of my Dr. Appointment yesterday, we are scheduled to get induced on Friday...one week early. It was the same scenario with Brayden and I heard the Dr. udder the same words,
"I'll be surprised if you make it until then."
This did not sit super well, seeing as Shawn's first day of school (as a principal) was the next day and to put it mildly, this would be the poorest timing EVER! Last time the Dr. said that, I had Brayden the next night!
Off I went and about an hour later, the contractions started. I had them all day. I finally laid down during naptime and that helped. I also tried to sit down as much as possible, willing them to go away. Shawn had also gotten in the car that morning and found it barely started and the check engine light on so we were having to schedule a trip to the mechanic that night. Oh anddid i mention we just paid an obscene amount to fix the van and had a huge crack appear in the van windshield, which we needed to schedule a replacement for? He did not need this.
I am sure God was rolling his eyes a bit as I began to reverse my utterings from, "Get this baby out" to "Please God, give her one more day in there!". I just want my husband to avoid mental breakdown...the poor guy has been such a trooper with all life has thrown at him lately.
Anyway...I decided it's a good thing I'm not God, cuz if I had to listen to all my whining about things, I would have probably taken a little delight in causing the baby to come today. However, our God is far more gracious than I. I woke up this morning with very few contractions and Shawn got all dressed up for the first day and off he went.
I have been reminded constantly of the verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." It is a verse quoted frequently in Christian circles, because it is often an encouragement. In this instance I was made aware of how selfishly I use it. I consider it a verse for ME. But in reality, it is a verse for all God's children. God has plans not just for me, but for my little girl and my husband too...plans that are good for them and to keep them from harm's way. Those are plans I need to take into account, be grateful for, and recognize that they may be more important than the plans I have.
Today I am thankful for a God who is so gracious and cares for those I love so much better than I ever could. I am still excited to meet my little girl. I still am ready to not be pregnant. And as far as I can see, Friday would be great...if it's in God's plans.

Turning Four

Tomorrow Gavin turns four. We held his birthday party at a park in Country Village that offers train rides. We had a small handful of his friends and their families show up. The kids got to ride the train, make a craft and then we had lunch and cake. It was quick and fun and required little clean-up...PERFECT!
It has been slightly confusing for Gavin. We have been talking about turning four for so long, but due to the fact that we had a baby coming and we weren't sure about the weather (the train rides aren't offered on rainy days) we didn't really tell him about his party or build it up at all, in case we had to cancel. (I can imagine nothing worse than saying...sorry dude, no party, no train, maybe next year.) One day he woke up and we were like, "Hey, today you're having a party!". It was still very fun for him, but I am sad about him missing out on the build-up to the big day.
After his party he and his brother passed out in the car. We went to wake him up and the first thing he said, as he wipes his sleepy eyes is, "Am I going to school now?" Not quite yet kiddo.
Tomorrow is the actual day and I am trying to explain that to him too. I should just let it go, but I want to celebrate and I know the kids won't be disappointed with a cupcake or two. Plus we haven't given him his presents yet.
He keeps informing me he is "bigger" and doesn't need my help as much. It is good to see him becoming more independent, as he has always been my one who doesn't like to struggle through things, but breaks down in frustration. Suddenly, at four, he has a new tenacity. It is sweet to see his spirit grow, helpful to have him figure things out, frustrating to see him insist on trying things that are well beyond his big four years, and heartbreaking to watch my firstborn grow up.
I am a mixture of emotions watching my child and I am thankful for the insight into God's eyes as to the complications of a parents love. I want to cheer him on, discipline him, push him forward and hold him back all at the same time. I can't imagine how God goes through this on a global level, so intensely for all of his children. My heart is overwhelmed by just a few.
Still, my heart is fuller with each day and each year that passes. I think I am going to like four...I also know that five will come way too soon!

Favorite discussion as of late

Gavin: Mom I want to be a front loading garbage truck when I get bigger and bigger.

Me: Well, you can't be a garbage truck, but maybe you can be a garbage man.

Gav: But whhhhhy? You said I can be anything I want.

Me: I decided I was wrong.

Upcoming arrival

I will admit I am starting to get a tad nervous about the arrival of this baby. Not so much the actual addition to the family as the event itself. With daddy working a 45 minute commute in the opposite direction of the hospital and my last child coming 2.5 hours from when the first contraction hit (well, technically from when my water broke) I am starting to play out various scenarios in my head of how to make SURE I get to the hospital. Brayden's wasn't the easiest delivery and let's just say, things would not have gone well for him or for me if we were not at a medical center.
I know in my head God has it all under control, however my type A, overly organized self keeps giving Him some great ideas of how it could work out. You would think after listening to Gavin all day long, telling me how he thinks the day should go and whining "Whhhhhy?" when I say I have different plans, I would let up on God. But it still doesn't stop me. I am sure I am far more obnoxious than my four year old, continually pestering him with my plans, thoughts, and frustrations at not getting my way. I mean really...I, at least, should know better. Gav is just learning.
In the end, I will be interested to hear this little one's story. Both the boys had quite the different entries and stories on their way in...I am looking forward to knowing the end of this one's journey into the world.
Tomorrow is an ultra sound and I am also looking forward to making sure she is still a "she". I still have a hard time believing this, but they better have gotten it right or I maybe posting a desperate need for boy things, seeing as all mine have been given away or consigned, not to mention he'll be sleeping on flowered sheets!
I am also looking forward to seeing how big they think she is. Well, at least I think I am. We'll see after the results! It should be interesting...the hardest part will be walking out and not beginning a monologue with God to tell him my new plan after I receive all the new information. I am already praying for a peaceful spirit and a willingness to hand over the information and let Him have his way. I just hope He gives me more grace than I give Gavin...hmmm...so many lessons to learn here. More grace to Gavin and more time with my mouth shut...tough ones!

Backpacks

Gavin and Brayden have found their "backpacks". Gav's is a little blue one his Mimi and Papa have brought back from Italy and Bray's is a little frog one that Gavin got two Christmas' ago. They have been sporting them around the house, climbing on the couch, aka the "bus", and riding to school. Suddenly, school is the game of the day.
Gavin takes it quite seriously. "No Bray, you wear the back pack like this," as he puts it on both arms. "Otherwise, it's a purse." He tells Brayden how the bus works at that the backpack holds your stuff for school. Then he tells Bray what he thinks school is like. It is fun to listen to his rendition of how a school day goes.
Brayden, slings his little arms through and drives his pretend bus around. Sometimes he sticks his hand in the pack and makes the frog hop around saying ribbit ribbit. Sometimes he unzips it totally and puts it on his head. Either way, he is seriously adorable and a total crack up.
There is a small, but good example of the difference in my boys. Shawn and I were talking just last night about how different they are and how much we love their personalities...so opposite in so many ways. I remember my mom saying to me, "I don't love you or your sister better, I just love you different." I thought it was a cop out and she was trying to smoothly get out of my tactless question. But I think I finally get it.
I can say, as I watch both acting ready for school, in their different ways, I get sad already. I know come fall when Gavy really sports that backpack for the first day of preschool I will get emotional (the pregnancy hormones do not help). He really is so ready. As for Bray, I am glad he's still just 2, because as he walks around telling me he's "going school, mom" my heart and whole being says, no way Jose! I'm not ready to let that little guy go yet. Fortunately the rules tell me I can't! I have a whole year to prepare my heart to let him go too. I think it might take that long!

The to-dos and of late

I am finally feeling like we are catching up with life around here. We are also preparing to get ready for baby. I laugh when I look at my to-do list, it looks like an excerpt from some Good-Housekeeping article. However, I have crossed much off in the last two weeks and though they may seem silly, feel pretty good about the recent accomplishments.

• Reorganized all the kids clothes (including consigning a ton and packing up hand me downs), made room and put away baby's clothes too!
• Finished off the "ode to girl" in the crib corner of the room.
• Caught up on Gavin's scrapbook and only have about 4 pages left to catch up on Bray's.
• Got as far as possible in the baby book we bought for little girl.
• Made 2 sets of six freezer meals for the frozen food exchange I am a part of.
• Made Gavin's birthday invites (for his very small party) and bought his birthday present.
• Washed and sterilized all bottles and breast pump paraphernalia.
• Sorted through and found house hiding spots for all the baby "stuff"...burp clothes, crib sheets, blankets, changing pads, diapers, etc.
• Made room in the kitchen for bottles, paci's and other baby things that inevitably need room in a cupboard.
• Made a drawer of baby toys in the living room.
• Cleaned the rest of the office closet and reorganized the boys toys...eliminating some.
• Updated all our bills to online payment and created an excel budget sheet.
• Packed my bag and the baby's bag for the hospital.
• Made over5 phone calls to update various aspects of life...from new insurance to making an appointment to get the van's automatic door fixed (let's just say, being 8 months pregnant and climbing into a van to help buckle the kids has stunk).
• Did major grocery shopping trip for the month.
  

I will admit to having a day without children (thank you Grandma Joan) that helped make this all possible and an hour and a half one morning without kids (thank you Holly Moe) to make phone calls. It is amazing what can be accomplished without kids...it is also amazing how much I miss them and love hearing about all they did in our time apart.
Overall, it feels nice to be relatively caught up. Sometimes I do feel like the minute I cross something off my list, I am also writing something onto it. It reminds me of my days at work, where I would intentionally write down things I'd already done, just so I could cross more things off! But in the end, I believe we are at the point where the baby could come, the kids would have food and I would be in a pretty good state.
I am starting to get really tired by the end of the day and I am looking forward to having a little more agility and desire to be out running with the boys. I think they are ready for baby to come too. Gavin is constantly asking about his sister and Brayden is always wondering when we are going to the baby dr..
I am trying to enjoy my last few weeks with just the boys. I am noticing Brayden is getting so big and using sentences and I am a tad sad that he won't be my baby. He is too funny and turning into the family ham. I can tell he is ready to not be the baby anymore. Gavin is definitely turning into a huge nurturer and will be a great biggest brother. But I still want to capture a bit of this time with just my boys to save in my heart. It is so sweet.