Back to India

Our good friends R & K returned from India this August. K came busting through the trees to meet us at the park for Gavin's fourth birthday. It was like no time had passed. Her contagious smile, excitement to be around people, doing her little dance of joy and handing out hugs. R and the kids were close behind. The kids seemed a foot taller and R seemed, well the same, smirking at how excitable K and I were and commenting on how cute I was as a pregnant person, just because he knew I'd want to hit him for it. It was great to see them both and like no time had passed.
But it had passed. It had been two years since they had moved across the world to spread the gospel to people in India who did not know the love of Jesus. Two incredibly long and short years. Years in which they had traveled to places I've only heard of and seen things I can't comprehend. Years where jobs had changed and our family had caved to the American dream of the minivan. Years in which kids had grown taller and changed drastically.
But then they were here. We got to go out to dinner, play games, eat brownies, have a girls night, eat brownies, talk on the phone, and eat brownies. For three months, I was easily able to reach them by phone. We chatted after church on Sunday and we hung out together. My kids grew to know and love them (who wouldn't...K is amazing with little kids and well, R taught my son of the art of dart gun wars and is now his personal hero, much to my chagrin). My husband and I had a sense of contentment knowing they were living just down the road. Even though they were busy meeting up with friends, visiting family and sharing about their mission, there was a huge comfort in knowing they were just 5 miles away.
Friday night we had our last dinner with them and yesterday at church we hugged good-bye. My throat started to hurt, my eyes welled up and the ache of missing them began to set in. I'll be honest, I know for both of us life goes on. It's busy here with three little ones and from the sounds of it, Indian life is very busy with people and activity. But when I need someone to ask parenting advice from, when I have a question about the Bible, when I am need someone to hold me accountable, when I want to vent or to share a story of something lame I did that is too funny not to share, but too embarrassing to tell most people, when I need prayer, when I need brownies and laughter...I miss them terribly. I love these people.
It usually happens at night, at the end of a long day...Shawn or I will turn to the other and say, "I miss R & K." The other will say, "Me too." And we'll just lay there for awhile talking about how much they have brought to our lives and trying to convince ourselves that India needs them more than we do. I think my head knows that's true, but I am still trying to convince my heart.
It was so fun to have them here. SO great for my kids to KNOW the people in the picture we pray for. To ask for their kids to come play and to talk about them with the excitement we have. It was, as K would say, "a sweet season".
And so I am trying to be thankful for the time and not consider the loss that comes this Friday when they board the plane. Afterall, I am not the one headed back to India. I am not leaving all my family and friends. I am not entering a culture and world so far removed from this one and so challenging. I am trying to remember this and pray for R & K, as their transition is a thousand times harder than any of their friends back home. But still...I will miss them. I am so proud to call them friends and proud of the calling they have and they're fortitude to follow Jesus, no matter where He asks them to go.
They will be back in a year and a half. Yes a great deal will change, but I have a feeling the key things probably won't change at all and that comforts me. Plus, I still have my calling card and can always remind myself, a year and a half really isn't that long...especially in the scheme of eternity, right?

Listening to Words

My kids have been testing me and I think I am beginning to get an inkling of just how much God loves us and how often I must break His heart each day. The boys have been in constant disobedience, not listening to my words or heeding my advice. They are not getting along with each other well and they are often treating each other very poorly. They are making decisions that hurt themselves and have consequences that they do not like. They are being disciplined and rebuked quite often. I keep saying, "PLEASE listen to my words!"
I wonder how often God is saying this to us..."PLEASE LISTEN! Life would be so much better if you did." I know it wouldn't be all roses and sunshine (afterall, we do live in Washington) but I also know there would be less need for discipline and rebuke. I wouldn't cry out in frustration so much, I wouldn't get shocked when things didn't work out and I would treat others the way they deserve.
I think to myself of all the things we do to take care of our kids. To bless them. To treat them. To try and raise them right. And I think of how their little 4, 2 and 0 year old selves have no idea the lengths we go to and the sacrifices we make in order to make this happen. I think of how far God went, sending his only Son, to try and make things right...and how my 32 year old self has no real comprehension of the sacrifice He made. It is beyond me.
But I am beginning to get an inkling,just an inkling, of the great love He has for us and how much He wants the best for us. I am starting to understand how our obedience blesses Him, how listening to His words makes Him happy, because He knows it is for our best. How thanking Him for all the things He has given us, pleases Him and warms His heart.
I can say, in the midst of the chaos and difficult days at the Ryan house, I am grateful that I have been learning more about God the Father...the Ultimate parent. And hopefully, I will do a better job listening to His words as I ask my kids to listen to mine. Because where else will they learn it?

Hard weekend

It was a tough weekend at the Ryan house. A week where, try as I might, the kids don't seem to want to behave and I don't quite feel like the mom I want to be. Shawn was gone on the annual football trip, Gav was on his asthma meds and I was attached to a breast pump due to loss of milk (I got the flu) and Amanda has some weirdo rash we can't get rid of. Lovely. (Amanda also doesn't seem to be gaining weight like they want her to, but proceeds to spit out half of what she's fed, so who knows what to do there. She seems developmentally great and looks healthy, so I am letting that go for now.)
Anyway...it was one of those times where I just sat down in despair, feeling as though all I had done for three days straight is discipline my children. NOTHING was going right. I was doing my best to be consistent, but I finally broke and called my friend Stephanie crying...
"Just tell me I'm a good mom."
Oh bless Stephanie...she came through with a friend pep talk like no other and gave me a few words I think I'll be clinging to for awhile..."It's only been four days, they won't remember these four days."
Kids are resiliant and I think I forget that. They remember the train we took them on, they remember the pillow pet they got, the games we played and the special things we do. Sure, there are times they remember a punishment we doled out, but is that so bad...if sitting on your bunk bed for 30 minutes while your brother got to play games helps you remember not to throw the game pieces at your brother's head, PLEASE remember!
I think, as moms we can get down on ourselves for not having a day full of all positive reinforcement, arts and crafts, healthy snacks and hugs in between. I don't know where that reality is, but somehow I have a picture that days should go that way. My days don't. Yesterday we had chewies for snacks, no crafts what so ever and a quite a few corrections had to be made. However, I can say...there were hugs in between. And for now, in this season, I think I'm going to be proud of that.

Calling it good

Now, with three, we are settling into a little routine. What I am finding with this routine is that there is little time for mommy and what time mommy does have, she is more likely to plop down in front of the TV, read a book, or fall into bed, than to attempt productivity. Overall, however, we are getting the essentials taken care of. Here are a few of the things we are proud of:
-We can get out the door and to appointments by 8:15 am if necessary.
-I have managed to refinance the house and take bids on and order a new furnace within the last two weeks. This means lots of paper work, phone calls and appointments, all without locking the children up to accomplish it (:
-We have all (including mom and dad) made it to the Dr. at least once if not twice in the last two weeks and I have remained relatively positive and sympathetic.
-I think I have finally managed to correct the craziness with our medical benefits and I have successfully saved myself money by calling and discovering I do NOT in fact have to pay the bills!
-I have written up meal plans/recipies/ and grocery lists for up to four weeks
-I have exercised every morning for 10 days in a row (for those that know my laziness tendencies, this is a miracle unto itself)
-Brayden has been wearing underwear out of the house and staying dry!
-Amanda has been sleeping through the night for the last week and a half...YEE-HAW!

Here are some of the things that have fallen to the wayside:
-The bathroom has been cleaned once in the last three or four weeks
-Not only have I been reheating old coffee, just to get some, I find myself using whatever to stir in the creamer. Today it was the medicine syringe, yesterday the end of a ballpoint pen.
-The children are not bathed as often as they used to be...I refuse to count the days anymore (I believe this task falls exponentially with each child)
-Last night we told our son who was crying to brush his teeth, that he couldn't...yes we are that desperate to get them into bed.
-I have started to let Brayden play with playdough all by himself...this is huge for my cleanliness issues.
-I haven't changed the kids sheets in forever and when Gav had a wet night I actually considered leaving them on, because they weren't that wet...only for a second though, but still, YUCK!
-I have been sporting a mom ponytail that I am not proud of, far more frequently than I would like.

All in all, I think the pluses are outweighing the minuses. I think it's going well. I am sad I have not found as much time to document their progress. I am lucky the pictures have been uploaded, but not developed for a long long time. I don't get on this here blog nearly as often as I'd like and Amanda's scrapbook...oh wait, I haven't even gotten her one yet! But the kids usually have smiles, and are clothed, fed and loved on a daily basis. I"m calling it good! Here are some recent pics...

5 weeks old and counting

Amanda is five weeks old now and life has settled down into a routine. It actually settled far faster than I anticipated. I think, for me, number three just added a bit more juggling to the chaos that is life with toddlers. It wasn't the huge transition I was anticipating. It's been good.
We have had our moments. Amanda has reflux and whereas, Gavin and Brayden were huge on the spitting up, she takes it to a new level. She would do it in her sleep, choke on it, soak herself and wake us all up. I did finally succumb to medication and it's helping. She has always been a pretty routine eater and sleeper, but the last week, with the medicine she has kicked it into high gear and has slept consistently 5 hours a time at night. Last night we got six! Wahoo!!! Needless to say, this has mommy feeling better too (:
She is quite the trooper, keeping up with the family and going where we need to go. Yesterday, the kids and I all trooped out to Gavin's make up soccer game in the pouring down rain. It was awesome (insert sarcasm here). Amanda in the front pack, Brayden in his rain jacket, me holding the ginormous umbrella (which is quite heavy) in one hand and a Starbucks in the other. Afterwards, we trooped back to the van and stripped down all our muddy clothes, boots, rain gear etc. Through all of this she didn't udder a peep. Now dealing with the wet, cranky 4 & 2 year olds was a different issue altogether, but Amanda was little work in the whole process. Like I said...there would be chaos with or without her. We are glad it's with her.
She is finally getting to be a bit more alert and even smiling every now and then. When they are open, she has wide eyes and they look promising to be as blue as the boys'. She is quite the charmer when she wants to be. I see a lot of Gavin in her, but when she pouts, she has a very Brayden like expression. It is fun to see the resemblance.
The boys are quite taken with her. Bray is still a bit rough around the edges, just wanting to be involved and well, Gav is in love with her. He'd hold her all the time if he could and is constantly asking if her eyes are open. If they are, he is right there talking to her. Quite sweet. (His behavior to other people has been terribly rude and naughty lately, but with his sister, he seems to have a special soft spot.)
Well, that's the baby update for now. I want to get back into blogging, as it is my goal to have some sort of record for the kids of their growing years. I have a feeling it will be a tad more sporadic now, but hopefully they'll have something to look back on. And Brayden...if you read this later in life, I want you to know...in order to type even this much...our kitchen table just got colored on and decoupaged with Thomas stickers thanks to you. I love you buddy...you're gonna get in trouble!

I will...

So...needless to say, the updates are coming less frequently. I am lucky to get my e-mail checked on the computer, let alone a blog entry! I used to be the mom who uploaded, edited and sent pictures to the printer once a month and I am on such a backlog, my type A anxiety is starting to catch up with me...how will I ever get caught up?
Here is the conclusion I have come to: I won't. I won't ever be done with laundry, I won't ever have all the dishes/toys/clothes put away, I won't ever walk through the house without finding a renegade hotwheel, I won't ever have all the bibs or burp clothes smelling fresh at one time. I won't have all my thank yous written in a one day turn around time, I won't have a home cooked meal every night (or possibly every other night), I won't be able to wash my hair every day, I won't have our living room free from toys and I won't have my van floor as clean as I'd like.
All these things when written down, seem a tad petty and not necessary at all. However, on a daily basis, when they all add up and stare at me, I can get quite overwhelmed. However...I am making it a goal to try and think of all the things that I will (or will at least try to) do instead.
I will play with my kids. I will read books, I will take advantage of the sun when it's shining and go on walks...no matter how short. I will laugh with my children and be silly. I will compliment my kids and husband. I will work hard to teach my kids right and wrong, to be humble, gentle, patient and to love one another. I will work hard to not raise my voice in frustration. I will teach my kids to sing loud and often, even if they are tone deaf like their mom and I will have dance parties with them. I will spend time taking mental pictures of my baby and enjoying her life that is flying by, because she is my last and is already so big! I will pray. I will pray. I will pray.
It's hard as a mom to look past the "to-do list" and think of all that is not getting done. At least it is for me. But it is a resolution, that I am going to at least try. I will try.

Watching them Grow

Well, we are approaching week two of Manda's life and time does indeed fly. I will say, so far I am in agreement with the statement, "the transition from three to two is easier than one to two." I am not sure why, maybe it's because, once you pass one child, chaos just insues, but it has been easier than I imagined. Granted, we haven't done any huge trips yet or ventured to the grocery store alone, but we do get out and manage to get where we are going in a relatively timely manner. Heck, the family even braved Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday...I consider that a feat.
The boys are adjusting relatively well. Adding a new child is definintely bringing their personalities to light. I am finding Gav to be an extravert and struggling with staying at home more and less "people time." He talks even more than he used to (if that's possible) and if people come, he is usually right there vying for some interaction. He is constantly coming up with ideas where to go and what to do and if we are at home, he pesters Brayden to play with him, usually trying to convince him to do what he wants to do.
OUr new punishment when Gavin acts out for attention is time in his room...trying to teach him the fine art of playing alone. He does not like it and you will regularly hear him yell out, "Am I done, cuz I've been in here a long long time." Three minutes constitutes a long long time for this little guy and we are working on expanding that. He's getting better.
Brayden is proving to be a home body who has actually fared well not leaving the house too much. We are finding he is good at imagination and playing by himself. He loves to dress up, is constantly having his "men" talk to each other and you hear noises from all sorts of transportation items come from his mouth. It is really quite fascinating the difference between the two. Brayden often wants to do his own thing and resents Gavin butting in. Sometimes, miracle of all miracles, they play super well together and it is quite fun to watch their little minds and how they work.
Amanda's a trooper. She is on a pretty fixed three hour schedule and sometimes goes longer at night. She would sleep her day away if we let her, so the boys and I work on talking to her on the ground or giving her baths during the day, to get a little awake time in. She really does seem to love her brothers voices and usually will stop fussing to watch them. I just watch her carefully, knowing, unless God has other plans, this is our last. There is a part of me that grieves each day she gets bigger. I want to savor the baby stage, knowing we won't return again. It is a sweet time.
Dad went back to school pretty early on and is trying to catch up on the beginning of the year stuff. It's hard, but from what I hear, it sounds like he's doing a good job. I know he's doing his best to get home and be a good dad and has started a ritual of climbing onto the top bunk with the boys to read books at night. They love it and it's their time together. I love it too...it means the day is winding down!
All in all, life is good and I am thankful for my sweet children and the joy of watching them grow into the people God made them to be. It's a fun season and I am trying to soak it all in before time flies away.