Gavin's going to heaven...

The other night, Gavin and I went out on a "date". He got a new wallet and a Starbucks card for his birthday and he couldn't wait to use it. I had decided that we were going to have a serious talk in the car on the way to Starbucks. The kids have been asking a lot about heaven since my mom's cat died and since Shawn's Grandpa passed away. I wanted to chat with Gavin about it.

I have been struggling lately as to what to tell Gavin. He talks as though everything that dies goes to heaven. He knows that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again to conquer death. He knows God sent Jesus for everyone and God wants everyone in heaven. But he doesn't know about hell. I haven't told him for fear he would be telling everyone under the sun that they are going there if they don't know Jesus. And while I believe this is true, I don't know that declaring it out loud randomly in a grocery line is a way to explain it to people.

I want my child to live in truth. I am not sure why I am so afraid of it sometimes. I think, maybe, it's because I don't like to think about hell either. I don't like to think that some people choose to reject Jesus Christ and his sacrifice that offers us a way to God. It's interesting to me that so many people believe in heaven, but don't want to believe in hell. But, then I like to think about heaven, but avoid thinking about hell...that it's real and people are really going there.

All this to say...I decided to talk with him in the car. I asked him if he knew what sin was...

"Yes, the naughty things we do."

Do we all sin Gavin?

"Yes, everyone."

Even mommy and daddy?

"Yes."

That's right.

Gavin why did Jesus die?

"To save us from our sin. And so we can go to heaven."
Gavin do you know if you ask God to forgive you for your sin and tell him you believe in Jesus, you can go to heaven and be with HIm forever? Do you want to do that?

"Yes."

And so we prayed. And my son asked Jesus into his life and began a journey of following Him.

SO EXCITING! Gavin has Jesus in his heart and a life growing in God ahead of him. It says in the Bible that angels rejoice when we turn to God...and I was rejoicing with them.

I was also rejoice, because I believe God gave me some reprieve from the "hell" conversation with my son. Instead he did have a little conversation with me...reminding me that I need to be mindful that hell is a reality and people are going there. It isn't Gavin that needs to be living in Truth right now, it's me. There is a hell and Jesus is the way to avoid it and live a full life for now and eternity! This is something I need to remember...not for myself, but for a world full of people that don't know. And if they don't know, maybe I'll be brave as I think my son would be and tell them, even if I had to do in the grocery store...I sure hope someone would tell me about Light in this dark world if I didn't know!

September in the Ryan household

Well, it's that time of year again. In Washington, the sun just starts to make it's appearance and it's off to school we go (: Shawn is back working late nights and I am back filling out insane amounts of paper work and appointments, from health insurance and yearly check ups to dentists and preschool forms. We have definitely hit September hard.
For our family, this also means birthday time. We celebrated Gavin's 5th and Amanda's 1st, exactly one week apart. So crazy...my first born is getting so old and my baby isn't a baby anymore. With Amanda's candle blown out, I really felt like we were hitting a new phase of life. One without cradles, bottles, rattles and burp clothes. For the most part, the baby stuff has been sold off or given away and we are moving on. It is so bitter sweet and I am sure i will be processing this change for the next year with each new thing Mandy outgrows.
This year, Brayden & Gavin both went to preschool. It is really an interesting phenomenon to me. Brayden, my wild child, with crazy antics and disregard for deocrum, hides behind my leg and quietly enters the classroom with backwards looks and a tentative step. Gavin, my more serene child, with a more contemplative attitude marches forth and only pauses momentarily when i grab his arm to drop a kiss on his cheek. Then marches confidently into the classroom. It's like their personalities make a switch on the school grounds. I will be very interested to see how they both do. It's Bray's first time goin' completely alone into his "own" thing without his brother by his side. I am excited for him! Gavin, I know will love it.
Amanda gets a little more time too. She does nap for some of their time, but we definitely get more one on one with the boys gone. I think she has decided to use it to hone in on her skills of Drama. She has perfected the fit and has quite a nice head to the floor sobbing technique. She is proving to be just as different from the boys as possible. I am not sure how one can have three "opposites" but it seems to be so. I guess I'll have to hit the drawing board once again for parenting techniques...but if i have learned anything with parenting, it's to not expect an easy out, just be grateful when you do catch the breaks!
And so, life is, as always in the parenting world, ever changing. I feel as though God has our family in a state of transition on so many levels right now and I am doing my best to hear his voice and not panic at all the changes and unknown. I am a creature of structure and habit and it is hard for me to wait on things and move into new territory. But I do feel like he is growing me as a wife and a parent. We have cut back on many things and I am working hard to be intentional about adding activites into our lives and not just filling time. It has been good. Hard, but good.
I think the kids are at some key transitional stages too, which is also hard, but good. Daily I look upwards asking God for the patience I need to follow through without blowing a up or self combusting. He has been faithful, for which I am so thankful (as are the kids i am sure...they don't know how much God has protected them from my natrual state of frustration and impatience...i really feel like he has given me the strength to keep calm and steady in all the transition).
So that is what's up with the Ryans. Random September chaos. Fun, good, hard and crazy...but we are making it with God's grace and God's gift of laughter, we are doin' good!

Zucchini and Bras

Here is the thing about being a mom...you lose your pride in many areas, but then in a few others you gain some. Certain things that used to matter so much fall to the way side and things that you used to roll your eyes at are suddenly fantastic. You stop worrying about quality furniture (which is just going to get trashed in the next few years) and how cushy your couch is and you get pumped about how soft the pampers swaddlers diapers are and that they now sell them up to size three. It's backwards and weird but it happens.

The last few weeks two strange things happened. First, I bought bras in the girls department. That's right...not for a little girl mind you, but for me. I was passing by with the section and noticed that it was a quality brand that I had purchased before, but it was 2 bras for $18. Not only that...they were on sale for $12!!! Unbelieveable, you can't even get a bra strap for $12 in the "big girl's' section.

I have never been super concerned about my chest, or lack there of. It is what it is. (Obviously, here I am blogging about it) However, buying them out of the girls section was a tad on the humbling side. (Especially when I realized I wasn't even getting the bigger sizes). Yet I realize, it was such a great deal that I am all proud of my find and how thrifty I am for using what I have (or don't have as the case may be).

Second thing that happened...I grew a garden. Well, I have been growing one for awhile, but I am now harvesting the rewards. Tonight alone we ate a casserole dish including onions, carrots and zucchini from our garden and I brought in, washed and bagged up tons of lettuce and more of the carrots and zucchini.

I have never been a really green thumb or very culinary. Haven't cared too much about it. Yet here I am watering, tending, and caring for my garden and walking inside, shoulders back with a zucchini the size of my forearm. "Look at me, I am the next Sisco!" Chop Chop Chop. Cooking away. Never been my gig, but suddenly I am so proud of the organic little spread my family has for the next month or so.

And I don't know why, but for some reason these two things have been a great representation to me of just how much being a mother, a parent, changes our perspective on life. How God has used these kids and our new responsibilities to mold us and shape us into people who care more about what goes in us...like fresh zucchini, than what goes on us, like a fashion super bra. (Small disclaimer: I still love to feed the kids kraft mac n' cheese and I still love my unnecessary northface coat...baby steps here).

I know there are countless ways in which my priorities and perspective have changed since motherhood. So far, I am thankful for the influence they've had, because God is using them to teach me to look beyond self and care more about their lives than mine. Just as He did for us, with His Son Jesus. And the more I can learn this lesson, the more I can be like Him.

Learning to speak

It is interesting to me, that just when I think I have learned something and am I starting to make headway on a weakness I am once again reminded how very falable (sp?) I am. I clearly remember my mother telling me when I was younger, "that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one day, and I am not going to be able to fix it." Boy was she right....

God warns us about taming our tongues and there are days where I feel like I have come so far. To quote Anne of Green Gables, "If you only knew all the things I wanted to say but didn't". I really have built up quite the filter, but I am learning that the holes in it are still quite large. Whether or not I am trying to be hurtful (which I have grown up enough that this is rarely intentional) I can unintentionally hurt people so easily by just not thinking before speaking. Isn't this like a 5 year olds lesson? Seriously! I just would have thought I had it by now.

I used to get angry when people didn't speak up and silently listened. Now, I just want to be them. I want to learn to keep snappy retorts to myself, opinions that cause others to stumble inside and second hand stories silenced. It seems pretty simple and I am not sure why my brain and my mouth find it so hard to comply and get along. I have come up with some basic rules I am trying to live by...

If you wonder if you should say it...don't.

Silence is golden, consider getting rich.

Now...I do have a lot of words I feel the need to use each day, so I will have to figure out a way to use them. Currently it has been apologizing to people, but if I follow my two rules...I am hoping to see the end of this trend. I have considered getting Gavin a knock knock joke book so I won't have to listen to the same jokes over and over. Maybe if I learn a few I can just throw those out in heated conversations or when I have the overwhelming urge to offer up my not needed opinion or involve myself in a conversation that I do not need to be a part of. However, if they are as bad as the current jokes he uses, I could be apologizing for those too!

Daddy wonderful

So, my husband has been daddy wonderful lately. With the month of July off, he's been filling our kids days with tons of fun and laughter. The other night I actually asked him if he thinks he's dying, "because, you're really making the most of every moment and livin' life to the fullest." He laughed at me.
It has been good for me to watch, but also humbling. Shawn is amazing at trying to make the most of things and let go of the "to-do" list, in order to enjoy life. Don't get me wrong, he still gets stuff done, but he doesn't exhaust himself or put himself on a ridiculous deadline to do it. I do. In the meantime, he is taking the kids on bike rides, letting them run around in their underwear all day, made mud pies in the 'watertable', use their sled to go dirt sledding in our backyard, made family waterballoon fights and had campfires in the backyard until "way past bedtime". The kids have been in heaven.
I was telling my mother, the kids are going to have a rude awakening this next Monday when all they have is mom. Mom who does the laundry, does the dishes and drags them on errands to such fun places as the grocery store and if their lucky, the library. It is a humbling experience to realize that I am just not a bundle of fun. I definitely lack Shawn's spontaneity and I am just learning to 'slow down' and not have to move at such a rapid pace.
Sometimes it bothers me. I get frustrated that things aren't working on my schedule and arent' going to get finished. However, Shawn always manages to finish what he said he would (maybe not as soon as I'd like, but he will always get a job done) and he has a way of keeping my kids smiling, while he's smiling too. I think it bothers me because I'd like to be a bit more like him. Some might call it jealousy. I probably would if I were willing to admit it.
On the flip side, I realize, Shawn is trying to cram into a month, the time I get with the kids for the rest of the year. He is trying to capture laughter, joy, hugs, kisses and smiles to carry him through another 11 months. Oh, he'll get some vacation here and there, but the job does weigh on him and his shoulders carry a weight during those months that can almost be seen physically.
And so I am trying to set aside my jealousy of how much my kids have smiled and laughed in the last four weeks and be thankful that they have daddy wonderful. I am trying to learn from him and get some tips on how to chill out a little and let things slide a bit more. I am trying to give myself some grace for not always being "super fun" because, the reality is, I am still doing my job of laundry, dinners, groceries, laundry, cleaning, scheduling and laundry.
In the end...mostly, I am realizing how lucky I am to have married a man who does know how to make the most of every moment and is passing that onto our children....they are so very blessed to have daddy wonderful.

Laughter and Time outs

Brayden. Brayden Brayden Brayden. Even as I type this, I hear him giggling in the family room. The child carries such a joyful spirit with him and induces smiles in most people he sees. (Those that don't smile, I think are just natural grumps or the victim of his careless behavior). Lately, he has been such an incredible handful...I have even found Gavin getting frustrated and correcting him. Can someone enjoy life too much? If so, Brayden's the man.
He just gets so into his little world and his moment that he takes no heed to the consequences of his actions...stepping on toes, hug tackling people unaware, pulling knives out of drawers to "just go cut something", splashing his swim teacher in the face, twirling in circles during karate to see the lights on the ceiling spin...the list goes on. He really does not have a malicious spirit, but neither does he have a spirit of obedience or submission to Shawn or I. It is SO difficult right now.
Watching him take on the world is both entertaining and scary. He has such tenacity and truly gets into life. But he does not listen and it is not because there have not been consequences or discipline. He's even gotten to the point where he does things and says, "Sooooorry" in the sing song voice of an attitudinal teenager...He's just three! It's ridiculous.
I love him so much. I desperately desire for him to learn to obey...not just for my sake, but for his own safety. I want him to learn to take time and think before acting and to know what it means to come under authority and respect those in charge. It will help in life so much and if he learns it now, it can save him so many unsavory consequences later. It sounds huge for a three year old, but I'm just talking about the ability to stop when I say stop, so a Mac truck doesn't take him out! I know he can do it.
The key is...I want him to learn without breaking the spirit that is 'Brayden'. I do not want to steal his joy or wipe out the unexplainable contagious smile that comes from watching him in action. I just am not entirely sure how to do it.
Tonight he came into the kitchen with his bright red fire socks on and his feet looking like deformed duck feet. He had shoved his marbles in his socks and looked up and us as he started sliding around and with the giggles he declared "I'm marbley skating...look at me go." We had tears in our eyes we were laughing so hard at all the fun he was having.
Our creative, willful, giggly, stubborn, smiley, crazy, joyful little boy. All I can do right now is pray that, as we "look at him go", God goes oh so closely with him!

For now

It's been awhile...life is good. God is good. Our family has gotten to vacate a little and we have enjoyed being "a family". Together.
I am still daily working through the beauty/frustration that is parenting, but was recently given a great little tidbit of wisdom. "There are a lot of Methods on parenting...it's the Principal you need to make sure is Godly. Those are the only things you can't waiver on." Good call. I feel like one thing works with Gavin and it's the way to go then Brayden completely blows the method to pieces...and I am off searching for a new one. It was a nice reminder, that as long as I am aiming to teach them Godly principals...I am doin' okay. Beyond even that, it was a nice reminder, that if I lean on God and really follow His direction, it's completly out of my hands...how freeing!!
That's been my latest revelation in the parenting world. The kids are growing so fast and going so fast, it is hard to document...hard to even remember to get out the camera! But I am trying. I want to capture the cuteness that is Amanda, the sweetness that is Gavin, and the silliness that is Brayden. I want to remember that I have moved past the episodes of spit up covering every surface of my body. I want to remember the day Brayden walked out of his room after officially dressing himself, chest puffed out, thumb pointing to self claiming, "I did it. Yup." I don't want to forget the first time Gavin told a joke and it was actually funny.
It's hard to capture it all. I am trying. I am definitely enjoying where we are at and these little ones that I have for this short time!