Brayden: I want to start a band.
Me: What instrument will you play.
Bray: Tuba, it's loud.
Me: Oh, what song will you sing?
Bray: Lump (by Presidents of the United States of America)
And this is what you get when Sesame Street and my husbands music tastes collide. I love it. I love these moments when our influence meets up with our sons personality and suddenly you get a little glimps of who he might be. A tuba playing rockstar? Probably not, but definitely something original.
As much as I struggle to understand this little guy, I am grateful for the joy he brings. It will be so fun to watch him grow and I am sure He is going to suprise us with lots of amazing things he does that we never would have thought of. Just because God made him and original and he has embraced it with full abandon!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Setting up the pins
I was listening to Sara Groves in the car the other day. For those that do not know Sara... you are sorely missing out. I adore her lyrics and music. My infatuation aside, she had a song that really spoke to me, with a lyric I cannot get out of my head, "we're all setting up the pins for knockin' them down". How fitting is that to life...as a mom (and I imagine as a person in the outside workforce as well)?
We have our calendar, set up the dentist appointments, the dr. visits, preschool, swim lessons, playdates. We wake up, put on the clothes, eat breakfast, brush teeth, go where we are supposed to be, lunch, nap, play, dinner, remove clothes, pjs, teeth, prayers good night. We plan it all out, go through all the motions, "set up all the pins" and then knock them down to do it again. Sometimes I get to wondering if I missed something somwhere. The middle of Sara's song goes as follows
you can find joy in the fertile ground
setting up the pins and knocking em down
you can try to fight it till you're anger drowned
setting up the pins
everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
it can feel simple but it's really profound
setting up the pins
God took a holy moment to speak to me as I listened to this little bluegrassy tune...it's not worth getting upset over...I have fertile ground in my kids to work with daily. Yes, sometimes the tasks are mundane, monotonous and seem to be trivial, but how profound the outcome if I am consistant and continually cultivate.
I love music for this very reason...it is such a gift to our souls. I am thankful that little God prompting to put the CD in and take out the kid's music. This little tune gave me something to hum as I set up the pins and as I knock them down...reminding me of the worth in each task set up and each task accomplished. Although, I do have to say, there is something in that kid's music that speaks as well, because I truly can realate to "The crazy dance" by GO FISH. But that is a whole different entry (:
We have our calendar, set up the dentist appointments, the dr. visits, preschool, swim lessons, playdates. We wake up, put on the clothes, eat breakfast, brush teeth, go where we are supposed to be, lunch, nap, play, dinner, remove clothes, pjs, teeth, prayers good night. We plan it all out, go through all the motions, "set up all the pins" and then knock them down to do it again. Sometimes I get to wondering if I missed something somwhere. The middle of Sara's song goes as follows
you can find joy in the fertile ground
setting up the pins and knocking em down
you can try to fight it till you're anger drowned
setting up the pins
everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
it can feel simple but it's really profound
setting up the pins
God took a holy moment to speak to me as I listened to this little bluegrassy tune...it's not worth getting upset over...I have fertile ground in my kids to work with daily. Yes, sometimes the tasks are mundane, monotonous and seem to be trivial, but how profound the outcome if I am consistant and continually cultivate.
I love music for this very reason...it is such a gift to our souls. I am thankful that little God prompting to put the CD in and take out the kid's music. This little tune gave me something to hum as I set up the pins and as I knock them down...reminding me of the worth in each task set up and each task accomplished. Although, I do have to say, there is something in that kid's music that speaks as well, because I truly can realate to "The crazy dance" by GO FISH. But that is a whole different entry (:
Monday, February 27, 2012
Mental Pictures
Many of my memories, I think are from photographs. We document the bigger moments, look through pictures and these are the things I tend to most remember about my children. I try to think back to when Gav was a baby and there's not a great deal I remember that isn't in his album. With Brayden, it's even more of a blur, since there were two babies and I was just trying to wade through the days...barely aware of what was going on. Amanda, well, there are less pictures and more chaos.
However, in the middle of it all, there are those stand out moments. They aren't from a camera, or a story passed down...just seemingly silly, or obsolete moments from an outsiders view, but in a mom's (or dad's heart) it is imprinted. It's these moments that make my heart ache. It's a sweet ache. An ache of time gone by so fast, an ache of recognizing there is a big world ahead and I won't always be there, an ache of affection, an ache of longing to hold on to this moment.
Yesterday, Amanda was wandering down the hall. On her lower half was a fuschia tutu skirt, leggings, one up and one down and crazy striped socks. Her upper half was adorned with an oversized lime green jersey from the boy's soccer and topping it off was two bedhead, lopsided pigtails. She turned to smile back and me, then singing waddled off as fast as her legs could carry her to get in the boys door before it closed on her. Throwing back one more triumphant smile she turned and entered their room.
The ache began. I am thankful for this ache and these moments. Most days, I am probably pushing my kids to grow up too fast. Waiting for the day, bottoms are wiped by themselves and everyone gets their seatbelts buckled alone. But these are the moments that remind us to hold on, slow down and thank God that we have little ones...with crazy oversized jersey's and lopsided pigtails, lighting up our day.
However, in the middle of it all, there are those stand out moments. They aren't from a camera, or a story passed down...just seemingly silly, or obsolete moments from an outsiders view, but in a mom's (or dad's heart) it is imprinted. It's these moments that make my heart ache. It's a sweet ache. An ache of time gone by so fast, an ache of recognizing there is a big world ahead and I won't always be there, an ache of affection, an ache of longing to hold on to this moment.
Yesterday, Amanda was wandering down the hall. On her lower half was a fuschia tutu skirt, leggings, one up and one down and crazy striped socks. Her upper half was adorned with an oversized lime green jersey from the boy's soccer and topping it off was two bedhead, lopsided pigtails. She turned to smile back and me, then singing waddled off as fast as her legs could carry her to get in the boys door before it closed on her. Throwing back one more triumphant smile she turned and entered their room.
The ache began. I am thankful for this ache and these moments. Most days, I am probably pushing my kids to grow up too fast. Waiting for the day, bottoms are wiped by themselves and everyone gets their seatbelts buckled alone. But these are the moments that remind us to hold on, slow down and thank God that we have little ones...with crazy oversized jersey's and lopsided pigtails, lighting up our day.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I used to play scrabble
One of my favorite games growing up was scrabble. It's a family thing. Only my sister hates it, but mom, dad and I play for blood. A low scoring game is in the high 200s and well...we know all the two letter words that make no sense, the ones that involve an X and the Q words that have no U. It's ridiculous. Even in college I loved to play and if I am not mistaken I went undefeated (unless you don't count Zebrafish as a proper noun, in which case, I may have lost once).
Now...I play candyland. I am pretty sure my brain atrophies a bit more every time I get sent back to the peanut and I groan everytime the peppermint candy card is drawn because, once again the game is prolonged. I also play Chutes and Ladders and I would like to personally take out the man who created the board with way more Chutes, three of which are on the top of the game board...right next to the end of the game. Was the maker intentionally trying to torture us parents...just when we see the light at the end of the tunnel and the game might be over -BAM! Down the chute you go. It really is awful.
All that to say, I seem to have digressed in many areas and I would like to get my brain back. Maybe my sense of fashion too (my sister may argue here that I never had one...but I at least had some fun shoes). Raising kids just does that to you I guess. One day I was making a shrimp linguini...the next mac and cheese.
As we are starting to move out of "babyhood" into the wonderful world of kiddy kingdom, I am find more chunks of time to do things. They are little chunks. In no way am I going to take up writing a novel or refinishing furniture, but I have managed to pop out a few things on the sewing machine, I have been reading more and the other day, I even managed to make a homemade card. I feel good about this.
I also taught my daughter the word baby, got Brayden to ride around the block on his big boy bike and after much encouragement, watched Gavin build his own train track without my help (huge deal here, that I was not involved). And as much as I have certain days where I feel starved for some uninterrupted time, I do believe the latter of my accomplishments by far outweigh the former.
And so, I guess for now, I will have to let my brain take a bit of a break as I give up skimming the new scrabble dictionary and spin the wheel one more time on the High Ho Cherry O board, waiting to see if the bird eats my fruit. Because everytime he does, my kids giggle...I love that sound and I am pretty confident the scrabble board could not produce it!
Now...I play candyland. I am pretty sure my brain atrophies a bit more every time I get sent back to the peanut and I groan everytime the peppermint candy card is drawn because, once again the game is prolonged. I also play Chutes and Ladders and I would like to personally take out the man who created the board with way more Chutes, three of which are on the top of the game board...right next to the end of the game. Was the maker intentionally trying to torture us parents...just when we see the light at the end of the tunnel and the game might be over -BAM! Down the chute you go. It really is awful.
All that to say, I seem to have digressed in many areas and I would like to get my brain back. Maybe my sense of fashion too (my sister may argue here that I never had one...but I at least had some fun shoes). Raising kids just does that to you I guess. One day I was making a shrimp linguini...the next mac and cheese.
As we are starting to move out of "babyhood" into the wonderful world of kiddy kingdom, I am find more chunks of time to do things. They are little chunks. In no way am I going to take up writing a novel or refinishing furniture, but I have managed to pop out a few things on the sewing machine, I have been reading more and the other day, I even managed to make a homemade card. I feel good about this.
I also taught my daughter the word baby, got Brayden to ride around the block on his big boy bike and after much encouragement, watched Gavin build his own train track without my help (huge deal here, that I was not involved). And as much as I have certain days where I feel starved for some uninterrupted time, I do believe the latter of my accomplishments by far outweigh the former.
And so, I guess for now, I will have to let my brain take a bit of a break as I give up skimming the new scrabble dictionary and spin the wheel one more time on the High Ho Cherry O board, waiting to see if the bird eats my fruit. Because everytime he does, my kids giggle...I love that sound and I am pretty confident the scrabble board could not produce it!
Monday, January 30, 2012
paying the cost
So, as I was reading the Bible the other day, I came across some verses about "paying the cost" of following Christ. In church and among other followers, you here this frequently. Paying the cost, carrying your cross, etc. I get it, God asks when we follow Him, to lay down our own life and take up the life He has for us. It can be hard. The world doesn't exactly see eye to eye with the Way Christ asks us to live. In other countries, people are tortured and killed for following Jesus. We have to make decisions that go against the flow and are not in line with the view the world is taking on. Our morals aren't always people's choice or popular opinion.
Today I was confronted with the fact that, at some point, my children will also have to pay the cost. They will have to defend their own faith and may be discriminated against for it. They could be put down or frowned upon for following Jesus. This hurts my heart. For Jesus and for them. It is one thing to deal with my own battles, but another to consider the fact that my children will face their own and I can't fight for them.
I am one to borrow trouble. God and I are working on this. BUt in regards to my kids, I am having to work doubley hard. I am having to turn their little lives over to Him again and again, trusting in His incredible grace and praying for His great wisdom. I want to stand in front of my children and protect them from any barb, jibe or hurt that may come. But I can't. It is so hard.
The comfort I am clinging to is how God did this to the highest degree for us. He gave His only Son to die on the cross. He knows the hurt of watching His son be hurt...far more than I ever will.
Oh may I take comfort in the fact that we have a God who understands. And though it's hard to imagine, loves my kids even more than I do.
Today I was confronted with the fact that, at some point, my children will also have to pay the cost. They will have to defend their own faith and may be discriminated against for it. They could be put down or frowned upon for following Jesus. This hurts my heart. For Jesus and for them. It is one thing to deal with my own battles, but another to consider the fact that my children will face their own and I can't fight for them.
I am one to borrow trouble. God and I are working on this. BUt in regards to my kids, I am having to work doubley hard. I am having to turn their little lives over to Him again and again, trusting in His incredible grace and praying for His great wisdom. I want to stand in front of my children and protect them from any barb, jibe or hurt that may come. But I can't. It is so hard.
The comfort I am clinging to is how God did this to the highest degree for us. He gave His only Son to die on the cross. He knows the hurt of watching His son be hurt...far more than I ever will.
Oh may I take comfort in the fact that we have a God who understands. And though it's hard to imagine, loves my kids even more than I do.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Crossroads
Life has hit an interesting crossroad. For those that know us, I used to work at a church and then continued to attend it...we were pretty involved in it. However, in the last few months we have started attending a different church and it has changed our lifestyle quite a bit. We just don't have the same commitments we used to and it has freed up a great deal of time.
On the flip side, our kids are getting older, I am beginning to look into registrations for kindergarten and preschool and sports are already becoming an issue in the house...our time is getting eaten up.
So as we hit this point in our lives, I am struggling to make healthy habits for our family. We need to get involved in church and make sure we are giving back to the place that feeds us...but where and how much? We want to find a ministry our family can pour into, but where? We know this doesn't have to be in the church, but after working at one for so long, it is just a different scenario for us. We want the kids to participate in sports and activities, but they can't do all they want to. Karate, preschool, swimming, soccer and cubbies is too much for us to coordinate and ridiculous for a 3 &5 year olds schedule. One sport is enough...now to choose it. And to tell your child they are not going to be on a team with all their buddies. I am already feeling the pressure. I feel like I should be able to have them do it all, however, in my heart of hearts, I know that what is right is to set limits and be the mom who says "No". God, Family, Friends...those are our priorities and that is the order. I am just not sure why it seems so hard.
All that to say, I am excited for this new place in life, because I feel like it is a fresh start and if I plan it right, I can start good habits. But I am also a tad overwhelmed at the responsibility. And so I am praying hard that God gives wisdom. He says He will to those who ask and I am taking the time to ask a lot! We'll see how it goes...
I must say, I am continually suprised by the things I hit my knees for. I never considered I would be spending so much time asking God to help be choose between soccer and karate for my three year old, but here I am. I think my next prayer will probably be to ease the anxiety over the paper work all theses activities create!
On the flip side, our kids are getting older, I am beginning to look into registrations for kindergarten and preschool and sports are already becoming an issue in the house...our time is getting eaten up.
So as we hit this point in our lives, I am struggling to make healthy habits for our family. We need to get involved in church and make sure we are giving back to the place that feeds us...but where and how much? We want to find a ministry our family can pour into, but where? We know this doesn't have to be in the church, but after working at one for so long, it is just a different scenario for us. We want the kids to participate in sports and activities, but they can't do all they want to. Karate, preschool, swimming, soccer and cubbies is too much for us to coordinate and ridiculous for a 3 &5 year olds schedule. One sport is enough...now to choose it. And to tell your child they are not going to be on a team with all their buddies. I am already feeling the pressure. I feel like I should be able to have them do it all, however, in my heart of hearts, I know that what is right is to set limits and be the mom who says "No". God, Family, Friends...those are our priorities and that is the order. I am just not sure why it seems so hard.
All that to say, I am excited for this new place in life, because I feel like it is a fresh start and if I plan it right, I can start good habits. But I am also a tad overwhelmed at the responsibility. And so I am praying hard that God gives wisdom. He says He will to those who ask and I am taking the time to ask a lot! We'll see how it goes...
I must say, I am continually suprised by the things I hit my knees for. I never considered I would be spending so much time asking God to help be choose between soccer and karate for my three year old, but here I am. I think my next prayer will probably be to ease the anxiety over the paper work all theses activities create!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
strength and weakness
I fully remember Shawn looking me square in the eyes, when I was pregnant with Brayden and informing me that we couldn't have a girl...I was all the drama he needed. Though slightly offended, I laughed it off. Puh-lease, it's not that bad.
Enter Amanda. Um, yeah. So when the drama is directed at you, it is that bad. Every one complains about the drama of a teenage girl, but no one mentions that the emotionalism begins at birth and just progresses. By 16 months we have waterworks on demand, screaming glares of detest when corrected and head banging on the floor when she doesn't get her way. (Here I insert my apologies to my husband for all my inane emotional outbursts. I now understand why SHawn sometimes steps back and looks at me with the look that says, "I've got nothin'. I am pretty sure you are currently insane and anything I do may add to the maniac you have become." And so he remains silent, which only adds to my fury.)
And so, unwillingly and with great humility, I admit...she probably gets it all from me. However, this does not mean I have any coping mechanisms to deal with it or a great strategy to put in place in order to prevent or circumvent an Amanda moment. I am at a loss with this little lady.
BUT...with her drama and her spirit, comes a great enthusiasm for life that has recently brought so much joy to my heart. She is imitating the older kids and completely keeping up with them, she's learning signs and words so fast, she is dancing to the wii games with the boys and she's doling out kisses and snuggles in between activities. She is so completely FULL of life. We are just loving it!!
It is the same in all of us I suppose. Our greatest strengths also being our greatest weaknesses. I for one am overly organized a bit of a rule follower and love to have things go according to plan. This plays out well in some arenas, but well...just read the above and I am sure you can see the pitfalls of all those "strengths". I just hope my friends and family (and hopefully strangers too) can find the good and avoid seeing the downfalls of my sometimes neurotic behavior.
As for my kids...and Amanda, her crazy, dramatized, spitfire way of taking on life has some amazing brightsides that I am discovering. I must choose to see her through the lens of positivity, as I hope others choose to see me. In doing so, I am finding a little girl that I just giggle over regularly and puts a smile on my face so many times a day.
Do I still get irritiated when the drama takes a turn for the worse and I find her bent over banging her head on our hardwoods and giving me a glare that says, "Look what you have reduced me to"? Yes. Yes I do. However, I am reminded that it is the same enthusiam that has her shaking her hands in the air, wriggling her shoulders and bum barking like a dog and dancing around to wii "just dance for kids" trying to keep up with her brothers as they break it down to "who let the dogs out". Great weakness, great strength.
And so I thank God. For my kids...their strengths and their weaknesses. For my strengths and weaknesses. And I pray that He grants me grace when my weaknesses seem to prevail and that He reminds me to grant grace for my children. I also pray that He helps me to take great joy in what it is that makes them who they are...because afterall, they are His creation and there's nothing to complain about in that!
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