It's been a whirlwind around here. We have been doing fun things, routine things, and dealing with the unexpected, but all in all, just living life. I feel like there is so little time in a day, but the days seem to stretch into eternity (especially when there are missed naps). Every morning I wake up and have a list of things I want to accomplish. It usually goes something like this...
Laundry
Shower
Clean up the kitchen
Clean up one other thing (bathroom, vacuum, our room, the office, maybe even the kids)
I also usually get all motivated in the morning, looking at the things I have been meaning to do and decide on something I want to do when the kids go to bed...be it sew one of the many projects I have, complete our taxes (or even start them for that matter), catch up on the blog, catch up on the kids photo albums, bake something...the list goes on.
Then my day happens. A slow paced day goes something like this...
I put in a load of laundry. I get all the kids fed. I jump in the shower while Mandy sleeps and the kids have room time. I get dressed. The boys get dressed. Mandy wakes up and gets dressed. Mandy proceeds to puke all over me and her fresh outfit and we have already managed to defeat my first to accomplishments of the day...laundry and shower. But that's okay...we wipe ourselves with a baby wipe, throw the first load in the dryer and the next load in.
Then I let the kids play while I try to clean up the kitchen from breakfast. By the time I have come out, Mandy needs to be fed and the boys have definitely made at least one room messier than it was before, if not multiple rooms.
At this point I usually have them clean their toys and watch a show while I feed Mandy. When we are done, I make them turn off the Tv and listen to them beg for more shows. (What they don't understand is that if I let them watch too much in the morning, I will feel horrible letting them watch more if I need to pull it out of my back pocket at night because my patience is at it's lowest ...really, I am serving them here!) Then we try to find something like play dough, a game, puzzles or what not to occupy them while I fold laundry.
After a few activities, we make lunch, attempt to clean the kitchen again. Mandy eats again and pukes again. We both change clothes again. We play some more. Getting things out, putting things back. Correcting, correcting, correcting. We change diapers, go through burp clothes, wipe noses, wipe bottoms, wipe spills and wipe tears. Then praise be to God...it's naptime. But alas, Gavin is 4 and thinks he doesn't need a nap. We negotiate a quiet time activity. One out of three days he sleeps...the others he plays for an hour in his room, then out he comes ready to play, but definitely with a grumpier demeanor. All the while, I try to clean up one room in the house for real, and make the others at least look like things are in their place.
Brayden wakes up and snuggles and whispers in my ear, "nack". Snack time.
We have snacks and chat for awhile, then it's back to the drawing board on finding things to occupy time. For some reason it is about 100x harder post nap to be creative and things hold kid's attention span about 100x less than they did before nap. A very strange phenomenon indeed.
I start on dinner. The kids have to be hearded out of the kitchen about 10x during this process. Mandy gets in her jumper or exersaucer and about 10 minutes in, pukes again. I start another load of laundry. We eat dinner and feed Mandy...and you got it, she pukes again.
We clean the kitchen and settle in for some legos or some games at the coffee table. Finally it is approaching bed time and we do our clean up for the night...we put toys away and various other things that have managed to be drug out or left behind during the daily doings.
We all go to the boys bedroom to get on our pajamas. The clothes come off, potty tries are made, diapers changed. Pajamas go on, teeth get brushed, we pick out books. We read. We pray. We go to bed.
I puts in the last load of laundry. I look at my list.
Laundry...well, I did about three loads, but it's still going
Shower...yes, but the distinct odor of spit up seems to be emanating from somewhere on my body
Clean the kitchen....did it twice, but there is still an empty bottle and some dishes from dinner.
Clean one other things...well, it seems as though I cleaned about a thousand, but nothing looks especially shiny or fresh.
And for some reason, I have completely lost my motivation to start that project I was oh so motivated to do.
It is a fortunate thing that children are so peaceful and appealing when they sleep, because at the end of the day, when you tuck them in for the very last time, it all seems worth it and gives you just enough to get up and do it all again. You think to yourself, "Who knows, maybe tomorrow the motivation will stick and that project will be tackled". Or, "Maybe the spilled OJ won't stick and my kitchen table will still be shiny at the end of the day".
Either way...you'll do it again, because when you see those sleepy little faces, hands tucked under cheeks, something inside you melts and all the chaos and redundant jobs of the day fade away. I think maybe I am going to take their pictures like this and stick them up above the washing machine and the kitchen sink. Now there is a brilliant idea!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
My little Brayden
Thanks to a conversation with a friend and a deep conversation with God, I have had a revelation about my son Brayden...he is just 2.5 years old. Now, this may not seem like a revelation, seeing as I was at his birth and all, but truly, it was a divine moment.
I had been struggling with Bray and his independent spirit. He is so full of life, but so full of defiance as well. Not an out right maliciousness, just a testing and pushing kind of defiance. All the time.
I had been struggling as a parent how to work with this. If I punished him every time he said "no" he would be punished all day long and I do not want his days to consist of continual negative interactions. After talking with a dear friend, who teaches parenting classes, a certain line stuck with me..."Work on one thing at a time, remember...he's just 2.5". That night as I prayed, this line kept coming back. He's just two. He's just two. I kept asking God, "What's your point?" And then it hit me...I treat him just like Gavin...who is four and a half. I expect him to understand directions, I expect the same timely follow through on those directions, and I expect him to obey the directions.
In a strange way, this is a credit to Brayden. He is so verbal, so quick, very bright, understands a great deal and is quite capable. But still...he's just two (well, three in April, but still). So I have just been going alonng, and due to his little advancements, expecting him to keep up with his brother.
Oh...I wanted to cry, I felt like such a bad mom. Not that I had been horrible to the kid, but just that I had expectations of him that were unfair and caused us to butt heads way more than necessary.
The next day, I saw my little guy in a whole new light. I saw how smart he was, how much he does do right, and how much he needed his mom to back off a bit and show him how to do things, encourage him along and not just demand he do it himself. It has made a world of difference. We have been laughing and playing and I have been thoroughly enjoying my days with him.
Lately, Brayden has taken to wearing his firefighter coat, hat, and boots everywhere (I make him leave the gloves and binoculars at home if we are going out). He diligently puts the whole get up on each time we leave the house. It reminds me of what an amazingly unique, fun, crazy and huggable individual this child is. I love this kid. I wish everyone could see the little man we get dancing around the house, singing, acting, dressing up, using his special voices and laughing his way through life. I am so glad I get to and that God opened my eyes to see an even clearer picture of how truly fantastic he is!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Little reminders
Tonight, as I was turning off lights and picking up various items that had been left or trailed across the house, I glanced down to see a pacifier sitting next to my book, laid on the side table. It is not uncommon to find a "paci" as we call them, sitting on a side table, a kitchen table, the front window sill, the bottom of the carseat, and quite often, the floor. They are everywhere serving to me as a reminder that I have a baby. Every time I see one, I think to myself how quickly it will arrive that we are working on taking away the paci, because we don't have a baby anymore.
As of late, it seems I am daily hit with the realization my kids are growing up. Gavin is a full blown kid. He has big kid questions, "Mom, if God is everywhere, how is He in my heart?" He has big kid aspirations, "I think I'll probably be a firefighter when I grow up, when I am six." I can say get ready to go and he can do it himself (not that this doesn't often take some reminders, prodding and sometimes a good threat or two). He signs his name and uses words like "probably" and "privacy" frequently.
"Mom, I'd probably like some more ice cream."
"Brayden, I need privacy to play with my racecars."
He is big. But he is still innocent enough to do dance routines for me, believe that racing to get ready for bed is a fun idea, give me kisses when I ask and carry his pillow pet around to snuggle with when he just wakes up or is getting tired.
Brayden is talking in full sentences and copying everything his brother does. He is three going on thirteen. When told what to do...
"Okaaay, Mom, I know."
When told to do something he most definitely doesn't want to do.
"I don't want to!"
He wears silly bands on his arm like the big kids and he fully thinks he is one of them. He gets out his own plates and drink, takes his dishes to the sink, and uses the potty all by himself. He plays pretend with an imagination that is unreal, thinks he's old enough to drive, and is sincerely disappointed everytime I tell him he can't.
But he still seeks out his blanky and "george" (the stuffed monkey) whenever he is sad or gets in trouble.
Amanda is growing fast. She is bright eyed, responds quickly to those she loves. She sits in the bumbo chair at dinner with us, grabs for things, laughs at our funny faces and tries quite hard to eat anything she touches. Her three month clothes are finding their way to the consignment bag and I am starting to pack up her "infant" items. But she still needs her paci and loves to be swaddled at night.
As I walk through the house daily, often I get tired of what seems to be a never ending task of lunging to pick up forgotten toys, dropped items or things that have been vicariously launched by some boy child, in a fit, an attempt at weaponry, or just plain old fun. But lately, when I see George, the paci or percy the pillow pet, the meloncholy sets in. These items are most likely temporary and will someday all too soon be in the past.
I think about the day I pack up george or percy, thinking that maybe the kids will want them when they are older. But I wonder, will they? Or do I just desperately hope that there is still enough childishness in them that they won't want to get rid of those special stuffies that saw them through so many tears, so many sleepy mornings and restless nights. I don't want to pack them up. I am not ready. I don't want them to be either.
And I guess it's a good thing, because neither are they. At least for today and most likely tomorrow. For this I am thankful...and for the pacifiers that litter my house and serve to remind me how much I love these kids.
As of late, it seems I am daily hit with the realization my kids are growing up. Gavin is a full blown kid. He has big kid questions, "Mom, if God is everywhere, how is He in my heart?" He has big kid aspirations, "I think I'll probably be a firefighter when I grow up, when I am six." I can say get ready to go and he can do it himself (not that this doesn't often take some reminders, prodding and sometimes a good threat or two). He signs his name and uses words like "probably" and "privacy" frequently.
"Mom, I'd probably like some more ice cream."
"Brayden, I need privacy to play with my racecars."
He is big. But he is still innocent enough to do dance routines for me, believe that racing to get ready for bed is a fun idea, give me kisses when I ask and carry his pillow pet around to snuggle with when he just wakes up or is getting tired.
Brayden is talking in full sentences and copying everything his brother does. He is three going on thirteen. When told what to do...
"Okaaay, Mom, I know."
When told to do something he most definitely doesn't want to do.
"I don't want to!"
He wears silly bands on his arm like the big kids and he fully thinks he is one of them. He gets out his own plates and drink, takes his dishes to the sink, and uses the potty all by himself. He plays pretend with an imagination that is unreal, thinks he's old enough to drive, and is sincerely disappointed everytime I tell him he can't.
But he still seeks out his blanky and "george" (the stuffed monkey) whenever he is sad or gets in trouble.
Amanda is growing fast. She is bright eyed, responds quickly to those she loves. She sits in the bumbo chair at dinner with us, grabs for things, laughs at our funny faces and tries quite hard to eat anything she touches. Her three month clothes are finding their way to the consignment bag and I am starting to pack up her "infant" items. But she still needs her paci and loves to be swaddled at night.
As I walk through the house daily, often I get tired of what seems to be a never ending task of lunging to pick up forgotten toys, dropped items or things that have been vicariously launched by some boy child, in a fit, an attempt at weaponry, or just plain old fun. But lately, when I see George, the paci or percy the pillow pet, the meloncholy sets in. These items are most likely temporary and will someday all too soon be in the past.
I think about the day I pack up george or percy, thinking that maybe the kids will want them when they are older. But I wonder, will they? Or do I just desperately hope that there is still enough childishness in them that they won't want to get rid of those special stuffies that saw them through so many tears, so many sleepy mornings and restless nights. I don't want to pack them up. I am not ready. I don't want them to be either.
And I guess it's a good thing, because neither are they. At least for today and most likely tomorrow. For this I am thankful...and for the pacifiers that litter my house and serve to remind me how much I love these kids.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Where we're at
The Ryan kids are growing up. It seems each day, one of them is reminding how quickly time flies.
Gavin: He has been a challenge for me lately. He is usually such a sweet, obedient child and has definitely taken on a stubborn, sneaky streak. Part of the problem, I am sure, is that he's trying to drop his naps. I know at four and a half, I am lucky it lasted this long, but that kid NEEDS his sleep. He is quite the grouch without it and will break down crying at a moments notice or throw a fit over the smallest thing. He also has developed quite the penchant for hitting his brother (when I am not looking) and then lying about it. All this to say...I literally sit there dumb founded as to what I should do.
Shawn and I are trying. We have put discipline in place and remained pretty consistent with him. We are definitely getting a run for our money. After lots of chats about lying, he's doing better at telling the truth. After getting hit back by his brother, he's starting to understand the cause and effect of that one. And we are just working on consistency with the fit thing. Same punishment doled out each time...every time we send him to to his room, he acts like he's shocked and so mad. I almost want to laugh...he knows it's coming and you can even ask him during a sane moment what happens when he throws a fit. He'll tell you exactly what would happen to him...why he does it, I don't know. I really think the sleep is a large part of it, but frankly, it's not an excuse to behave like a pill.
On the flip side, he is getting quite smart and capable at doing things himself. He writes his name, will copy words I have put on paper for him, he's great with scissors, loves to count things out, order his numbers, and LOVES mazes! He questions how everything works and is constantly wanting to do and try new things. He definitely is mastering some of the fine motor skills which are handy: zipping and snapping, putting on shoes, getting out snacks (when I tell him) and pouring things into bowls or opening up packages. It's awesome...what a helper!
He also adores Amanda and the feeling is quite mutual. He is so sweet with her and loves to take care of her. He gets her toys, coos to her, rocks her, holds things for her and generally just loves on her. The best part is, he is not overbearing and really seems to understand her space, toughness and delicacy all at the same time. I love it!
Brayden is nearly three and seems to be getting so big. He is taking on big sentences, can explain things to you and plays with Gavin far better than he used to. He likes to talk on the phone, but he is at that stage where his brain moves faster than his mouth and he has taken up a small stutter. I remember this with Gavin and am working on my patience as he tries to spit out what he wants to say. He plays by himself very well and can entertain himself for hours with his new fire house and fire truck he got for Christmas. He loves to laugh and entertain us with antics and songs he made up. He for sure thinks he is a big boy and it is funny to see the mannerisms he adopts when he's trying to come off all cool and in charge.
Unlike Gavin, Brayden is not sneaky. If he is going to be defiant, he will most definitely do it right to our face. "No!" is not an uncommon word to hear pouted or shouted out of his mouth. We are really working with him on not being rude and using a gentle voice.
Brayden has also learned the fine art of tattling. This is tough because often the boys will be happily playing and he'll come crying "Gavin hit me." Well, this could range from Gavin trying to hand him something that he doesn't want all the way to Gavin smacking him on the head. So...you never really can tell (unless you see the obvious markings). We have had to work with both of them on asking their brother to stop, before heading out to find a referee.
Amanda is just super fun right now. She is so alert and cooey. She laughs all the time and even if she wakes up crying, the minute she sees someone she pops into smiles and grins. She is putting on a little weight and we definitely notice her getting bigger. We get a great deal of people stopping to tell us how smiley she seems and how nice her eyes are (thank you daddy for the blue eyes and long lashes...thank you God for handing them to the girl, too, this time). We really have been getting a kick out of her and starting to enjoy her more as an active part of the family. She is even the centerpiece at the dinner table, because the boys always want her to sit in the middle of the table on her bumbo chair. It's been fun!
That's the update there. Overall, it's going well. The pants seem to be getting shorter on everyone and somedays, I don't feel like I can keep up with how fast they are growing and supplying them with all they need emotionally, physically and spiritually. So I pray for wisdom...and patience...and more wisdom. May our great Lord grant it to me in abundance and may I be ever mindful of the abundance He has already blessed me with, in providing me with these children in the first place!
Gavin: He has been a challenge for me lately. He is usually such a sweet, obedient child and has definitely taken on a stubborn, sneaky streak. Part of the problem, I am sure, is that he's trying to drop his naps. I know at four and a half, I am lucky it lasted this long, but that kid NEEDS his sleep. He is quite the grouch without it and will break down crying at a moments notice or throw a fit over the smallest thing. He also has developed quite the penchant for hitting his brother (when I am not looking) and then lying about it. All this to say...I literally sit there dumb founded as to what I should do.
Shawn and I are trying. We have put discipline in place and remained pretty consistent with him. We are definitely getting a run for our money. After lots of chats about lying, he's doing better at telling the truth. After getting hit back by his brother, he's starting to understand the cause and effect of that one. And we are just working on consistency with the fit thing. Same punishment doled out each time...every time we send him to to his room, he acts like he's shocked and so mad. I almost want to laugh...he knows it's coming and you can even ask him during a sane moment what happens when he throws a fit. He'll tell you exactly what would happen to him...why he does it, I don't know. I really think the sleep is a large part of it, but frankly, it's not an excuse to behave like a pill.
On the flip side, he is getting quite smart and capable at doing things himself. He writes his name, will copy words I have put on paper for him, he's great with scissors, loves to count things out, order his numbers, and LOVES mazes! He questions how everything works and is constantly wanting to do and try new things. He definitely is mastering some of the fine motor skills which are handy: zipping and snapping, putting on shoes, getting out snacks (when I tell him) and pouring things into bowls or opening up packages. It's awesome...what a helper!
He also adores Amanda and the feeling is quite mutual. He is so sweet with her and loves to take care of her. He gets her toys, coos to her, rocks her, holds things for her and generally just loves on her. The best part is, he is not overbearing and really seems to understand her space, toughness and delicacy all at the same time. I love it!
Brayden is nearly three and seems to be getting so big. He is taking on big sentences, can explain things to you and plays with Gavin far better than he used to. He likes to talk on the phone, but he is at that stage where his brain moves faster than his mouth and he has taken up a small stutter. I remember this with Gavin and am working on my patience as he tries to spit out what he wants to say. He plays by himself very well and can entertain himself for hours with his new fire house and fire truck he got for Christmas. He loves to laugh and entertain us with antics and songs he made up. He for sure thinks he is a big boy and it is funny to see the mannerisms he adopts when he's trying to come off all cool and in charge.
Unlike Gavin, Brayden is not sneaky. If he is going to be defiant, he will most definitely do it right to our face. "No!" is not an uncommon word to hear pouted or shouted out of his mouth. We are really working with him on not being rude and using a gentle voice.
Brayden has also learned the fine art of tattling. This is tough because often the boys will be happily playing and he'll come crying "Gavin hit me." Well, this could range from Gavin trying to hand him something that he doesn't want all the way to Gavin smacking him on the head. So...you never really can tell (unless you see the obvious markings). We have had to work with both of them on asking their brother to stop, before heading out to find a referee.
Amanda is just super fun right now. She is so alert and cooey. She laughs all the time and even if she wakes up crying, the minute she sees someone she pops into smiles and grins. She is putting on a little weight and we definitely notice her getting bigger. We get a great deal of people stopping to tell us how smiley she seems and how nice her eyes are (thank you daddy for the blue eyes and long lashes...thank you God for handing them to the girl, too, this time). We really have been getting a kick out of her and starting to enjoy her more as an active part of the family. She is even the centerpiece at the dinner table, because the boys always want her to sit in the middle of the table on her bumbo chair. It's been fun!
That's the update there. Overall, it's going well. The pants seem to be getting shorter on everyone and somedays, I don't feel like I can keep up with how fast they are growing and supplying them with all they need emotionally, physically and spiritually. So I pray for wisdom...and patience...and more wisdom. May our great Lord grant it to me in abundance and may I be ever mindful of the abundance He has already blessed me with, in providing me with these children in the first place!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Hello 2011
The new year is here...and while I am not one to make resolutions, seeing as they always seem to end in failure, which I find completely unmotivating, I have made set up some accountability for myself in certain areas. After doing 30 days of working out with my friend Jen, I decided it would be good for me to try and continue this regieme at least three days a week. My sister and I set up a system in which...if I bail, she doesn't get her coffee and vice versa. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on which way you view it, we both love our coffee enough that we fear the other's response should we deprive them by failure to follow through.
I have also made a commitment to myself to read my Bible, before picking up any other book. I have never been great at following through on regularly reading the Bible. I do love to read. One would think these go hand in hand, however, I like to read books that don't require a great deal of work...I'm quite the skimmer. The Bible requires a bit of thinking and if you skim, often you miss stuff. Anyway...I read a lot (especially since Amanda won't breast feed and I have to sit at a pump six times a day). I made a commitment to myself, that I would not pick up another book, unless I had read our church's daily reading plan for the day.
I will admit, I am not one of those people who walks away every day thinking, "Wow! I totally learned something new and I am going to apply that!" Sometimes, I walk away questioning God, "So what exactly am I supposed to learn from the fact that Lots' daughters slept with him? Eww" However, God says His word does not return void and so I am trusting in this. I know by turning to His word, I am obeying Him and giving Him more room to speak and move in my life...and on many levels, that is a good thing.
So there...those are my attempts at starting the new year off! I am also decided to not try and make any crazy attempts to kick old bad habits (ie...not drinking coffee or giving up TV altogether - i really barely watch it anyway), both of which are doomed to fail and I am trying to keep up on tracking my kids. I have updated the baby books, put together Amanda's birth pages in our family book and I am working on the scrapbooks. I would love to be able to get on this blog more, but the older they get, the less time I have.
I have a feeling 2011 will fly by. I'm not quite ready, but I figure, I never really will be...at least not until 2012. So, here we go...
I have also made a commitment to myself to read my Bible, before picking up any other book. I have never been great at following through on regularly reading the Bible. I do love to read. One would think these go hand in hand, however, I like to read books that don't require a great deal of work...I'm quite the skimmer. The Bible requires a bit of thinking and if you skim, often you miss stuff. Anyway...I read a lot (especially since Amanda won't breast feed and I have to sit at a pump six times a day). I made a commitment to myself, that I would not pick up another book, unless I had read our church's daily reading plan for the day.
I will admit, I am not one of those people who walks away every day thinking, "Wow! I totally learned something new and I am going to apply that!" Sometimes, I walk away questioning God, "So what exactly am I supposed to learn from the fact that Lots' daughters slept with him? Eww" However, God says His word does not return void and so I am trusting in this. I know by turning to His word, I am obeying Him and giving Him more room to speak and move in my life...and on many levels, that is a good thing.
So there...those are my attempts at starting the new year off! I am also decided to not try and make any crazy attempts to kick old bad habits (ie...not drinking coffee or giving up TV altogether - i really barely watch it anyway), both of which are doomed to fail and I am trying to keep up on tracking my kids. I have updated the baby books, put together Amanda's birth pages in our family book and I am working on the scrapbooks. I would love to be able to get on this blog more, but the older they get, the less time I have.
I have a feeling 2011 will fly by. I'm not quite ready, but I figure, I never really will be...at least not until 2012. So, here we go...
Monday, December 27, 2010
Keeping Christmas going
So Christmas is over. The lights look a little less twinkly, the garland is falling limp and the wrapping paper has all been ripped. No matter how you prepare for it, after Christmas let down is always a tad depressing. And in an effort to honor the season and be thankful, instead of slip into the after Christmas funk, lamenting over my children's attitudes of entitlement and the pile of returns I am not sure I'll ever get around to, I have decided to make a list of the wonderful things that happened this season!
-We had Amanda's first Christmas and she was so sweet and cute in all her little dresses.
-My sons sang wonderfully in the Christmas program and both were so pleased with their costumes...Gavin a wise man ("the green one mom") and Brayden the cow ("I say MOOOO")
-We did our annual tradition of delivering cider to those we want to honor for their quiet service to others and it was wonderful! The boys kinda got it (as opposed to last year...see december 2009 blog) and they participated fully, with grins wearing their Santa hats.
-Gavin loved (and Brayden tolerated) reading the Advent book we have and both of them have much of the scripture in it memorized, by reading it each night.
-The boys and I made a birthday cake for Jesus and they were so excited and proud.
-The boys were very patient during gift time.
-My family decided to do a service project with the kids and collect/buy items to create bags to hand out to the homeless. The kids got in the assembly line and fully participated, helpfully without complaint.
-My husband has been super dad and given me multiple hours with only one (and sometimes none) kid. The best was the day after Christmas...he took the boys so I could make a secret trip to the goodwill with old toys and clothes and put away all the Christmas stuff without little people underfoot!
-We have had the opportunity to do such fun things as a family, go ice skating, go out to eat, go Christmas light looking...
-Shawn and I have had two date opportunities and one with the boys staying overnight at Grandma and Grandpas!
-I had the chance to reconnect with a friend from highschool and meet her sweet family.
-We are getting to go up to a friend's lake house for New Years with some of our closest friend's and their kids.
We are blessed. After Christmas can be hard. All the ramp up and suddenly the celebration seems to stop. But when I look at my life, I mean really sit back and take stock...WOW! Not only do I have salvation and a God who has given me eternal life, to spite my sinful nature, but he has blessed me over and over again. Sometimes simple, sometimes awe-striking...He continues to provide far more than I can ask for or imagine...just like His word promises.
And so, when it seems so easy to slip back into the routine and the grind, I am going to work on training my heart. Because when I stop and look for the gifts, I see that God didn't just stop with Christmas and Christ's birth. He kept going and kept giving. I am going to try and do the same. Not just be thankful at Christmas, but keep going. If He did that for me...surely I can do this for Him.
-We had Amanda's first Christmas and she was so sweet and cute in all her little dresses.
-My sons sang wonderfully in the Christmas program and both were so pleased with their costumes...Gavin a wise man ("the green one mom") and Brayden the cow ("I say MOOOO")
-We did our annual tradition of delivering cider to those we want to honor for their quiet service to others and it was wonderful! The boys kinda got it (as opposed to last year...see december 2009 blog) and they participated fully, with grins wearing their Santa hats.
-Gavin loved (and Brayden tolerated) reading the Advent book we have and both of them have much of the scripture in it memorized, by reading it each night.
-The boys and I made a birthday cake for Jesus and they were so excited and proud.
-The boys were very patient during gift time.
-My family decided to do a service project with the kids and collect/buy items to create bags to hand out to the homeless. The kids got in the assembly line and fully participated, helpfully without complaint.
-My husband has been super dad and given me multiple hours with only one (and sometimes none) kid. The best was the day after Christmas...he took the boys so I could make a secret trip to the goodwill with old toys and clothes and put away all the Christmas stuff without little people underfoot!
-We have had the opportunity to do such fun things as a family, go ice skating, go out to eat, go Christmas light looking...
-Shawn and I have had two date opportunities and one with the boys staying overnight at Grandma and Grandpas!
-I had the chance to reconnect with a friend from highschool and meet her sweet family.
-We are getting to go up to a friend's lake house for New Years with some of our closest friend's and their kids.
We are blessed. After Christmas can be hard. All the ramp up and suddenly the celebration seems to stop. But when I look at my life, I mean really sit back and take stock...WOW! Not only do I have salvation and a God who has given me eternal life, to spite my sinful nature, but he has blessed me over and over again. Sometimes simple, sometimes awe-striking...He continues to provide far more than I can ask for or imagine...just like His word promises.
And so, when it seems so easy to slip back into the routine and the grind, I am going to work on training my heart. Because when I stop and look for the gifts, I see that God didn't just stop with Christmas and Christ's birth. He kept going and kept giving. I am going to try and do the same. Not just be thankful at Christmas, but keep going. If He did that for me...surely I can do this for Him.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Choosing Joy
With Christmas approaching, I can say my stress level is starting to rise. I am doing my best to keep it at a minimum, but it seems like every time I think I've bought the last present or been to the grocery store for the last ingredient, another item creeps up. The to-do list gets two items added for each thing crossed off and my shoulders start working their way up to my neck. For some reason (namely, my three children) I do not keep mental track of things like I used to and I just start to get stressed that something important is going to slip through the cracks. And in all of this, I get stressed that I am getting stressed and forgetting the meaning behind Christmas.
Due to the various errands and to dos of the season, my children have found themselves in the van and in the grocery carts quite a bit. Drug from here to there, they start to get cranky, then I get cranky. They disobey, I punish. They get mad, I get madder. It's really quite the holiday love fest and I get so disappointed. I want to be super mom, get it all done, have all the patience in the world and be doing the fun Christmasy things I feel I am supposed to do as super mom. This is not to be.
We have been trying to crack down a bit on the defiant behavior anyway, because since the baby has been born, the kids have taken to ignoring directions and throwing fits when we ask them to do stuff. For awhile I think Shawn and I were too tired to care, but recently we have teamed up to get back on track and well, the kids are not liking the follow through and frankly, neither am I...it feels like they are always being punished, because the are pushing every line there is! I am considering letting Gavin take up a permanent residence on his bed since he seems to be sent there so often.
And so...in an effort to make everyone feel better, I have been trying to make a consciencous effort to do Christmas things with my kids and find opportunities to some of the things they want to do and not just fulfill my own agenda. We have made some salt dough ornaments, we went to the children's museum, we went out ice skating, and went to the toys at McDonalds (this is a biggy, cuz they love it and it's just a bit too much for me on a normal day).
It's been nice to feel like I am putting them first. I know in the back of my mind, my kid's are far from deprived and loved well, but lately with all the defiance and disobedience from them, i think we have all felt a lack of joy around here. I am working hard to choose joy and put first things first. Sadly, for me it really is work. I am hoping it soon becomes habit.
Today, after a day where the kids went to the children's museum and got to go ice skating, Gavin got out of bed and was throwing some toy down the hall, thinking no one was nearby. I was so frustrated...a full day of fun for him, it's way past his bed time and he is totally disobeying the rule to stay in bed (might I mention here, he had already had two warnings from his dad to go to sleep and it was about 2 hours past bed time). I was ready to make the kid's life miserable. I snuck around the corner and asked, "Just what do you think you are doing?"
Gavin made a bee line away from me and started crying...my heart sunk and then lifted slightly. It sunk, because he was obviously sad he got caught and knew that meant trouble. But it also lifted, because he knew he had done something wrong. I didn't have to punish him for him to know. He was already sad. He was fully aware of what he'd done and what it meant.
I had him come out to the couch and we talked. He knew what he did and that he should have been in trouble. I told him, it wasn't going to happen tonight. Instead, I held him, rubbed his back and sat quietly looking at the Christmas tree with him.
As I sat there, I thanked God for my little boy. I thanked him for how many times he chose to talk to me as I guiltily cried and ran from Him, knowing I deserved punishment. I thanked Him for Jesus who took my punishment. I thanked him for a Christmas moment where on a very small scale I could show my son the mercy and forgiveness His Son has given us.
I thanked Him that because of Jesus, I could choose joy tonight, for me and my son.
Due to the various errands and to dos of the season, my children have found themselves in the van and in the grocery carts quite a bit. Drug from here to there, they start to get cranky, then I get cranky. They disobey, I punish. They get mad, I get madder. It's really quite the holiday love fest and I get so disappointed. I want to be super mom, get it all done, have all the patience in the world and be doing the fun Christmasy things I feel I am supposed to do as super mom. This is not to be.
We have been trying to crack down a bit on the defiant behavior anyway, because since the baby has been born, the kids have taken to ignoring directions and throwing fits when we ask them to do stuff. For awhile I think Shawn and I were too tired to care, but recently we have teamed up to get back on track and well, the kids are not liking the follow through and frankly, neither am I...it feels like they are always being punished, because the are pushing every line there is! I am considering letting Gavin take up a permanent residence on his bed since he seems to be sent there so often.
And so...in an effort to make everyone feel better, I have been trying to make a consciencous effort to do Christmas things with my kids and find opportunities to some of the things they want to do and not just fulfill my own agenda. We have made some salt dough ornaments, we went to the children's museum, we went out ice skating, and went to the toys at McDonalds (this is a biggy, cuz they love it and it's just a bit too much for me on a normal day).
It's been nice to feel like I am putting them first. I know in the back of my mind, my kid's are far from deprived and loved well, but lately with all the defiance and disobedience from them, i think we have all felt a lack of joy around here. I am working hard to choose joy and put first things first. Sadly, for me it really is work. I am hoping it soon becomes habit.
Today, after a day where the kids went to the children's museum and got to go ice skating, Gavin got out of bed and was throwing some toy down the hall, thinking no one was nearby. I was so frustrated...a full day of fun for him, it's way past his bed time and he is totally disobeying the rule to stay in bed (might I mention here, he had already had two warnings from his dad to go to sleep and it was about 2 hours past bed time). I was ready to make the kid's life miserable. I snuck around the corner and asked, "Just what do you think you are doing?"
Gavin made a bee line away from me and started crying...my heart sunk and then lifted slightly. It sunk, because he was obviously sad he got caught and knew that meant trouble. But it also lifted, because he knew he had done something wrong. I didn't have to punish him for him to know. He was already sad. He was fully aware of what he'd done and what it meant.
I had him come out to the couch and we talked. He knew what he did and that he should have been in trouble. I told him, it wasn't going to happen tonight. Instead, I held him, rubbed his back and sat quietly looking at the Christmas tree with him.
As I sat there, I thanked God for my little boy. I thanked him for how many times he chose to talk to me as I guiltily cried and ran from Him, knowing I deserved punishment. I thanked Him for Jesus who took my punishment. I thanked him for a Christmas moment where on a very small scale I could show my son the mercy and forgiveness His Son has given us.
I thanked Him that because of Jesus, I could choose joy tonight, for me and my son.
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