Monday, September 16, 2013

Embracing the crazy

Every year around late August, I start to get anxiety.  My heart starts beating, my chest feels tight and it all comes down to the fact that I know there are so many decisions to be made, schedule changes coming and forms to be filled out.  For a complete control freak like me, it's overwhelming.  I borrow trouble and worries about upcoming events and changes and well...go a little crazy.
I do have some legit concerns about open enrollment for health care.  Team, I could write a math book of story problems I have created in order to try and figure out the best route for our family.  I am sure the lady at the district office is ready to tell them to let Shawn go, just so she won't hear from me again.  I also have some forms that you fill out, just to get you more forms (the schools health form, which requires more forms and oops, if those aren't completed, Gav can't go to school...didn't see that line!) And then there is the fact that new commitments have us essentially scheduled Sun, Mon, Tues, and Wed night.
What happens when these legit concerns overlap with other minor decisions and schedule changes is I start to freak out about completely inane things.  My husband and good friends can attest to this.  I try to over control and get overwhelmed by the most basic questions or tasks.  A few humbling examples of my lame freak out moments:
Will I be able to get both kids to their separate soccer practice and manage to feed them dinner?
-(yes of course.  We long as three meatballs and a smoothie qualify as dinner, this one is a cake walk)
Should Brayden do morning or afternoon preschool?
-(Umm....well if he's gone when Amanda may just nap, why am I even asking this?)
Should I order a casual polo for my Awana leader uniform or the womens cut?
-(Seriously, both are amongst the fashion challenged and I shall impress no one in either, why worry)
Should Amanda sign up for gymnastics or dance class?
-(Uh...who cares?  She's three and lucky she gets to do anything.  She is most likely not Shawn Johnson or a prima ballerina...really, let it go)

Yes.  So silly.  I know this.  I mean, I know this!  But still sometimes I get so close to hyperventilation just trying to get my life in order.  So many little things snack day, show and tell, the pumpkin farm field trip, soccer practice, ballet, insurance, car repairs, drop off, pick up, eye dr., well child checks, asthma forms, release forms, permission slips, homework, and on and on and on.

But this is our life.  And it's good.  And we're fortunate.  And I am learning to take deep breathes and be thankful.  Thankful for healthcare, for a car, for preschool, for the ability to have my kids participate in a sport/class, for education, for a doctor that watches out for the kiddos, for meatballs and smoothies!   I am learning to embrace the crazy in my head and take it to God.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds."  Philippians 4:6-7

In taking it a day at a time, sometimes an activity at a time, and reminding myself to be thankful, God is showing me His faithfulness in new ways.  I am learning to laugh a little more at my decision making inability and I am learning that not every decision/responsibility/situation is as big a deal as I can make it out to be.  (For those that know me comment, I will most likely still be prone to overdramatization still). 

Yet another credit to the Lord, because He has been guarding my heart and mind.  I know he has....and frankly, to do any sort of work on the crazy in mind, truly transcends understanding.  But He's doing it.  I am so grateful.  Thank you Lord and Amen!!!!