Many of my memories, I think are from photographs. We document the bigger moments, look through pictures and these are the things I tend to most remember about my children. I try to think back to when Gav was a baby and there's not a great deal I remember that isn't in his album. With Brayden, it's even more of a blur, since there were two babies and I was just trying to wade through the days...barely aware of what was going on. Amanda, well, there are less pictures and more chaos.
However, in the middle of it all, there are those stand out moments. They aren't from a camera, or a story passed down...just seemingly silly, or obsolete moments from an outsiders view, but in a mom's (or dad's heart) it is imprinted. It's these moments that make my heart ache. It's a sweet ache. An ache of time gone by so fast, an ache of recognizing there is a big world ahead and I won't always be there, an ache of affection, an ache of longing to hold on to this moment.
Yesterday, Amanda was wandering down the hall. On her lower half was a fuschia tutu skirt, leggings, one up and one down and crazy striped socks. Her upper half was adorned with an oversized lime green jersey from the boy's soccer and topping it off was two bedhead, lopsided pigtails. She turned to smile back and me, then singing waddled off as fast as her legs could carry her to get in the boys door before it closed on her. Throwing back one more triumphant smile she turned and entered their room.
The ache began. I am thankful for this ache and these moments. Most days, I am probably pushing my kids to grow up too fast. Waiting for the day, bottoms are wiped by themselves and everyone gets their seatbelts buckled alone. But these are the moments that remind us to hold on, slow down and thank God that we have little ones...with crazy oversized jersey's and lopsided pigtails, lighting up our day.