Frankly, it's been a hard few weeks. So much change...some to be expected, like school, preschool, the start of new activities, some unexpected, like the loss of a child's life. In the last few days, I have had many a moments where when I stop, take a deep breath to push back the tears, grab at any iota of patience, understanding, grace, that God is willing to dole out and trudge ahead. It does feel a bit like trudging lately.
As I have admitted, I believe many times, I am type A. I always have these great plans, ideas, thoughts of the way things should go. I do wonder how often God gives a silent chuckle at my ideas...like when I try to watch my child put on my big shoes and take a jog around the house. So proud she has them on, so sure she knows what she's doing. I laugh, with love. They are too big and after the first few steps she is flat on her face. I hug her. I pick her up...and I either help her walk, or find shoes that fit. Oh if only I would wait for God's help or for Him to fit me with the right shoes. It would really work better if I just trusted him for things, instead of trusting that He'll bless my ideas and the shoes I pick out.
Lately, plans have been all out of whack. I have been over extended, overtired, and well, frankly, overwhelmed. Most of it, is because I want to refuse the cards I have been dealt. Instead of asking God to help me play the hand, I keep trying to give the cards back asking for different ones. The irony of this...the other day I was actually offered to switch some things around in my schedule, get the cards I want, if you will. I would have had the kids all in the places I wanted them to be at first...the schedule I thought would be best for us. I was about to jump on the opportunity, when a small nudging told me to wait. I took the time to assess things and sure enough...what I had wanted, what I was so sure would have been so much better, wouldn't work at all and also would have deprived me of some great opportunities. Figures.
I feel like God's been whispering in my ear, "deal". As in, just deal with it. Whispering, "Don't push back. Don't look for your way, but let me have My way in you. I got this...you just have to trust Me."
And so, I am going to do my best to take the cards dealt, trust that to God, somehow my Royal Mess can be His Royal Flush.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.