Control

This week has been a week of folly. It wasn't major occurances, just little things. One, after another, after another. I can't believe how many times I looked at the sky and uttered, "Come on!" or "Really God? Really?" I just wanted to make the plan, take control and have things work out...MY way.
Tonight, I hit the wall. The last straw landed on the camel's back and I went nutso. Had a melt down with my husband and just lost it. Over what, you ask? To be honest, I am not sure. Everything and nothing. I kept trying to put things in perspective, tell myself that there were people starving in Africa, other's don't have jobs, kids are dying and people don't know Jesus, but in the back of my mind, I still wanted to ask God..."Why couldn't just one thing work out right?" I also wanted to ask, "Why, when I know in my head these are all completely petty things...does it still bother me so much?"
The only conclusion I could come to was that Satan was doing his best to "steal, kill and destroy" and I was letting him. He stole my joy, killed my appreciation for what did go right and destroyed my attitude. As I tried harder and harder to control the things going on around me, forgeting to rely on God, praise him in all circumstance and be thankful continuously, Satan took hold and by the end of the week I lost it over who was going to repack a tub to go camping (at least I think that was it...who knows at this point).
Why does it take me so long to sit with God and have a real chat about it? Instead of standing up and shouting at the sky, why do I not fall on my knees a bit sooner and really just hand it over? Maybe then I'd realize, God's doin' okay without me and shockingly enough, has for the past few thousand years. I sometimes wonder if He laughs when I throw up suggestions to Him about how I think life should go, because He knows the would be results of my crazy ideas.
We have reconnected and I am regrouping. It's past midnight and my youngest is waking up on and off with what I am 99% sure is a double ear infection and I am not really phased. It's amazing the peace that comes when you give God control.
I guess if I have learned anything tonight, I should probably get on my knees now and start praying for God to take control tomorrow morning when I have a cranky one year old and am functioning on no sleep.