Turning Four

Tomorrow Gavin turns four. We held his birthday party at a park in Country Village that offers train rides. We had a small handful of his friends and their families show up. The kids got to ride the train, make a craft and then we had lunch and cake. It was quick and fun and required little clean-up...PERFECT!
It has been slightly confusing for Gavin. We have been talking about turning four for so long, but due to the fact that we had a baby coming and we weren't sure about the weather (the train rides aren't offered on rainy days) we didn't really tell him about his party or build it up at all, in case we had to cancel. (I can imagine nothing worse than saying...sorry dude, no party, no train, maybe next year.) One day he woke up and we were like, "Hey, today you're having a party!". It was still very fun for him, but I am sad about him missing out on the build-up to the big day.
After his party he and his brother passed out in the car. We went to wake him up and the first thing he said, as he wipes his sleepy eyes is, "Am I going to school now?" Not quite yet kiddo.
Tomorrow is the actual day and I am trying to explain that to him too. I should just let it go, but I want to celebrate and I know the kids won't be disappointed with a cupcake or two. Plus we haven't given him his presents yet.
He keeps informing me he is "bigger" and doesn't need my help as much. It is good to see him becoming more independent, as he has always been my one who doesn't like to struggle through things, but breaks down in frustration. Suddenly, at four, he has a new tenacity. It is sweet to see his spirit grow, helpful to have him figure things out, frustrating to see him insist on trying things that are well beyond his big four years, and heartbreaking to watch my firstborn grow up.
I am a mixture of emotions watching my child and I am thankful for the insight into God's eyes as to the complications of a parents love. I want to cheer him on, discipline him, push him forward and hold him back all at the same time. I can't imagine how God goes through this on a global level, so intensely for all of his children. My heart is overwhelmed by just a few.
Still, my heart is fuller with each day and each year that passes. I think I am going to like four...I also know that five will come way too soon!