Wednesday, May 23, 2012

He gives and takes away

While we were looking for churches, I decided I needed to get into a Bible Study, so that I was actively held accountable to something.  I wasn't sure where to do one and ended up at a friend's church, doing a Beth Moore study on James.  It was lovely.  Just what I needed.  A group of ladies that knew each other well enough, weren't all best friends, and wanted to study the word.  I am grateful for him placing me here for such a time as this.
In this study there was one lady in particular that I just enjoyed. In the middle of the study, she announced she was moving to Oklahoma. I saw her friends tear up and others exclaim, with congratulations on her husband's new job. Since I didn't go to this church or previously know these ladies, I really didn't have much to say, but my heart took a plummet. I felt like something wonderful had been snatched from me before I had a chance to really know what it was. 
She was real, funny, thoughtful.  She came dressed up, dressed down, early, late and sometimes not at all.  She listened well and when she spoke it was worth listening to.  She had an easy smile and though not overly outgoing, she was well recieved and known by everyone.  There was a humility and wisdom about her that was hard to describe and I can almost (I say this because I do not know her well) gaurentee she would give you a quirked half smile if you said this to her or maybe laugh out loud.  She was someone in whom I saw Jesus living in and through and I wanted to know her better.
Ahh, but I guess this is not to be.  Today was the end of our study together and she is moving July 5th out west.  I am trying not to be seems silly, because this is a woman I hardly know.  But what I do know is that God used her in my life. I know the little things she said, added greatly to the conversation at our ladies table.  I know her willingness to be vunerable and real about a life that isn't perfect, related to everyone.  I know that when she spoke, people wanted to listen.  What I don't know, is if she knew all this. 
I wish I had taken the time to tell her.  On the way out the door, I did let her know I am glad I met her.  I wish I had taken the time to say more.  To let her know I can tell the other women at the table are so thankful for her.  That I am so thankful for her.  That I can see Christ's light in her and I am so grateful for the breif time I got to sit in it! It seems akward.  I am having a hard enough time putting it in writing and I am sure I would have stumbled over the words.  Still...I should have tried.
I am still pondering why exactly my heart feels such a loss for something that never really was. And though it feels like something is being taken, I guess I could say, I have been given more than I would have ever thought to imagine through this small stint of time. That does seem pretty much a God sort of thing to do.  
The biggest thing I learned in all this?  Through God's grace, we, in our daily routine, doin' what we do, can be transformed into people that others are just drawn to, that others long to know...and in that, others will see Jesus.  We read all about it in the Bible, but it is an entirely different thing to see it lived and week after week have it sit down beside you.  Oh the blessing to be reminded of this lesson and the inspiration it has given me to grow up just a little bit more! 
Thank you Lauren,...Oklahoma is so going to be so very blessed!!!

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