Monday, October 1, 2012


I needed to grocery a bad way.  We had ketchup, a drop of milk and some carrot sticks.  While there are starving children in Africa who would apprciate this, I am afraid my family doesn't.  We'll work on that another day. 
I went to trader joes friday and told Shawn that the grocery store and Costco were my mission for Saturday.  The day got full with various things (good things, family things) and Shawn graciously told me to head out to grocery shop by myself, because he had to leave get our friends at the airport and he knew I wanted it done.  I turned as I left and said, "Hey, could you pull the laundry out of the drier and hang up the iron free clothes."  Shawn..."I'll try to remember."
Two and a half hours later, I had trudged through aisles, bagged my groceries, arranged and rearranged my costco cart to fit the toilet paper and paper towels around the various other items that were coming home.  I was pooped. I call to say I'm on my way home. Shawn informs me the kids haven't eaten. I tell him there's hotdogs in the fridge and head out.
I pull into the driveway and ask the boys to come help unload.  I look at them not moving, see their tired eyes and know I should probably let this battle alone, but in my own exhaustion, take it on anyway..."Boys, come help mommy."
"But I'm playing."
"I don't want to."
"Boys, COME!"
Trudge trudge trudge.
They actually perked up a bit and even amanda chipped in with a "haaavy" as she drug an oversized bag to the kitchen. 
I threw all the pantry items in the pantry in one big stack (there is still a ladder blocking the entery, from two weeks ago.  Shawn has a project to finish in the attic...that's a different blog).  I didn't have time to unpack all these before Shawn took off and he and the boys needed to shower before he goal was get the kids to bed.  I was making rootbeer floats to get the rootbeer and ice cream out of the refrigerator, when Brayden asks..."Are we having floats for dinner?" 
ME:  "Uhhh...didn't you eat hot dogs?"
Shawn:  "No, we didn't get to it, I was giving Amanda a bath, she peed her pants."
Inward groan.  I totally would have splashed some water on the kid and called it good, but I am sure having a clean body is more important than my burning desire to have the kids in bed.  "Okay, you shower, I'll make dinner.  Did you by chance do the laundry?" 
Shawn:  "I hung up the two wrinkle free items."
Me:  "What about the rest of the clothes?"
Shawn:  "Nope."
Me:  "So looking into the drier, it didn't occur to you to fold the rest?"
Shawn:  "No, I was playing with the kids."
Me:  "Huh.  For future reference, feel free to do the rest."
Shawn:  "Well, you did get to go to the grocery store without the kids."
Me, turning on the snarky attitude as I mentally picture all the groceries I still have to unpack, the laundry I get to fold, the dinner that has yet to get made and the shower I want to take, since I am now the only household member who hasn't showered today (well in two days really) :  "Yeah, well, I guess that's what I have to look forward to for good times, two hours of grocery shopping on a Saturday night without kids.  I LOVE Costco lines!  I'm SO lucky!"
Shawn:  wisely remains silent.

I have to laugh a little.  I say "Hot dogs are in the fridge" and assume they will get fed to the children.  I never mention feeding, I never say to microwave them, I never actually asked Shawn to take care of it.  I ask him to "hang up the wrinkle free clothes in the dryer" and assume the rest the laundry will get done.  I never ask him to fold it, ask him to put it away, tell him I would appreciate the help. 
Specifics.  I have found I need to be more specific.  If I want something done, hinting at it and hoping that I have the husband who will read my mind and meet my every need is just asking for marital counseling.  Going on ten years now, I think it's about time I figure this out. 
My husband plays with the kids, cleans them up when they pee all over themselves and the floor, and does his best to make my job easier (cuz whether or not it makes for a great Sat. night activity, it is a lot easier to do Costco without three kids). I would love to say that he's the insensitive one. Oh he has his moments, but I actually think, this one is on me.  My need to have things done my way, in my time and through a great deal of mind reading.  He on the other hand, had his priorities straight...our kids first. 
And so, I am going to learn to be more specific.  Ask for what I need.  I am also going to learn to be grateful for what I get...even if it wasn't what I had planned on.  Cuz, it actually turned out to be a great night of rootbeer floats and rearranging the pantry all by myself with the kids in bed (for those that know me, this is actually a good thing, cuz I love to organize things).  Oh and I also got a shower.  Not too bad.

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