Work

I miss work. Well, that's an ironic statement, because I definately work. Work and work and work. I am afraid with my job there are no mandatory breaks or union required lunch times. You work straight through here at Ryan house. What I mean is, I miss going into work.
Seven years I spent as a Director of Children's Ministry at the church we attend and for the first time since I stepped down, the other day sitting in church, I missed it. Oh, I still volunteer, quite a bit actually (Shawn likes to say I do work, without the monetary benefit), but it's not the same. I am not even sure if I miss the actual job itself. I miss going somewhere in the morning. I miss having my very own office. Well, actually in the end I shared it, but with a grown-up who kept her stuff relatively (sorry Steph, it was relative) clean. I miss going down to the coffee pot and getting a cup of coffee, already made. I miss chatting with co-workers and catching up on life. I miss having people count on me to do something...not everything. I miss To-Do lists, that actually got done. I miss getting caught in conversations with people and actually getting to continue it. I even miss staff meetings. Yes...I do. (Ryan you do too, I am sure).
In my heart, I know I am doing what's best for my kids and for me. My husband works hard to make sure I can stay at home and I even watch another little boy twice a week to make ends meet. But there are days like today, when I have fed three kids breakfast, gotten them dressed and set them up to play in their respective room times, when I look around hear the quiet and feel the sense of accomplishment. Then I realize, I am all alone in my glory and it is really relatively short lived. If someone wants my opinion on something now days it's on "How did you potty train?" or "How did you get your child to sleep through the night?". My big decisions of the day are what's for dinner and if my children have been eating to much PBJ or chicken nuggets. The To-Do lists continually grow and are usually repeated weakly. And conversations, well, they are rarely finished. Staff meetings are usually in bed, sometime after ten, when dad and I have fallen onto the sheets exhausted.
Maybe there is a little bit of pride involved. I would like someone to notice what I've done during the day, would like a finished product, would like to use my brain or maybe have some recognition that I still have a brain. I am just not one of those people that revel in play dough and can't get enough of creative play.
But I love my kids. I am grateful for the opportunity to be with them in these years. I know I am doing my life's best work in these days at home. I see the importance of my work as they learn and grow and as this world becomes more and more in need of good men.
And so, I remind myself...there is no one to impress, there is no recognition needed, other than the Lord's. My only job is to glorify Him. To be honest, somedays, this is hard to live with. But in the end...it is what helps me to be a better parent and person, for that matter. Maybe that's why God took me out of the work force in the first place, to learn this lesson. Because I am pretty sure, God will be far more glorified through two boys who have been raised to love other's as He loved us, than by my completed to do lists, my beautiful spread sheets and my organized office.