Last night I walked the floors with my baby. It was the first time I have really had to do this. Oh, I did night feedings for awhile, but my kids, bless the Lord, slept through the night after 2-3 months and they never stayed up too long after they ate. An hour or so I think was the max. (I do not say this to make enemies....just to make a point). But last night, both Shawn and I got hours and hours worth of parenting in.
Brayden had an ear infection. After tylonol he was still sporting a temp of 102.8, he only wanted to be upright and still could not get comfortable. And so I watched the minutes tick by as I walked him, held him, patted him. I listened to the wimpering, felt the drool and snot accumulate on my left shoulder, and tried not to cry out as I tried to unkink my wrists from the "holding" position.
And I have to say, though I was tired and worried, I loved those hours. Maybe it's because I didn't have nights pacing the floor in their infanthood. Maybe it's because I was so exhausted I had lost my sanity. But as I held my baby, I kept thinking..."This is it. This is Motherhood. This is what I'm here for. This is my job. This is the story I get to tell when he's older. This is the night I'll remember. This is my baby and my chance to make it better." It was one of those rare times I was not living in the past or waiting for the future, but that I was living in the moment, relishing the fuzz of his pajamas as I patted his bum and the smell of his shampoo as he nuzzled into my neck.
Don't get me wrong, I did make Shawn take a shift so I could get a dry shirt and some sleep. And I did get up and hit the coffee stand for a few shots on the way to the doctor. I have been popping cough drops like candy and I haven't been the most patient of people with my kids today. But, I am still thankful for last night and that somehow, someway, my usual desire to get the hard stuff overwith, was replaced with an acceptance and appreciation of the moment.
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