my baby

Brayden. My baby. They say time goes fast and with him I feel it is warp speed. Not only do the days go quickly, but in keeping up with his brother, Brady is way ahead of where I thought he'd be. He is usually content where he is at, discovering his little world and thrilled to be with people. Meanwhile Gavin is at a stage that requires an obscene amount of instruction, direction and question answering. And so, quite often, Brayden is left alone. (Of course not entirely, he is supervized, but you get the idea.) Then, when I turn to help him out or give him a hand and I realize, he no longer needs it. He just smiles and does things himself. I want to yell..."Stop! You're my baby!" He isn't supposed to do these things without me or teach them to himself!!!

His first steps have occured and I feel like I should still be waiting on them. He is trying to put his shoes on his feet and I am wondering when he stopped eating his feet. He signs more for his food and I am thinking, you just started eating food! With so many diapers to change, so many time outs to enforce, meals to make and noses to wipe, sometimes I feel like I am missing his big moments. I think I saw his first step, but did I? Did he sneak little steps in when I wasn't looking? With the first child, you are constantly watching for that "first" everything! It's your focus, your goal. You almost push it on them. "I think I see a tooth...wait, that's a piece of Kix cereal." With Brayden, I barely caught his first tooth, when I realized, "Hey, there are four teeth coming in here. Way to go little man!"

I worry he'll feel left out or that he'll think being the second child, he got the short end of the stick. This is silly. I know he doesn't realize I may not notice his first everything and he has no idea that I am constantly shocked by all he can do. He never says, "Mom, you didn't know...Mom come look...or Mom I already told you." I guess the real problem is I feel left out. Like he's taking it upon himself to grow up and leaving me behind.

He is just about one now. Nearly daily, I look down to see his sweet face, with those big blue eyes, smiling up at me in anticipation of some attention and I have to hold back a bittersweet sigh. I hope he knows how precious he is to me. How excited I am about all his firsts. How thrilled I am to see a genuine individual emerging. How thankful I am for his little snuggles, his easy going temperment, and his nearly constant smile. How it cracks me up that he is always trying to do things he is just not big enough for...but is determined to conquer.

I always struggled with the whole bit about "raising kids to leave you," I just really thought I would have awhile before I really had to deal with it. It turns out I was wrong. I am finding out the parenting business teaches you are wrong about many things....I am just bummed this is one of them. Couldn't I have been wrong about how much I thought kids would cost? Nope, it had to be something bigger. I was wrong about how soon I would feel they are headed into that great big world. Brayden's first steps made me feel like he's nearly out the door.

Wait up little buddy. I really don't think you are ready yet. And I know I'm not!