Mommy

Somedays I feel like all I have done is use directives or ask silly questions. No touch. Don't hurt your brother. Get down. Get up. Stand still. Come here. Say please. Say thank you. Do you need to go potty? Is that yours? What did mommy say? Why are you in a time out? Between these I am trying to run a household...laundry, dishes, diapers, laundry, dishes, diapers. And on the days where no one seems to be listening and nothing seems to be getting done, I have to truly wonder if my children are excited to get into bed and leave the grumpy lady to herself. I give myself the mom pep talk, "Do it now and it will pay off later...kids are resilient...blah, blah, blah." But in the end, somedays you just feel bad and wished it had gone different.
This week I had a small insight. Shawn was home on spring break and so there was some more mommy freedom. Gavin would cry when I left...even if it had been a time out day and he was having fun with dad. When I came back, Brayden would do his happy bounce and immediately come to be my little leg warmer. Gavin would meet me at the door. One morning, after I had fed the kids and gotten them dressed, Shawn took over and I went to lie down (bless him). I heard Gavin running all over the house searching for me and screaming, "Mommy, whereareyou? Mooooommy. Crying to be with me." To spite the fact that it pretty much annhilated any thought of a nap, it lifted my spirits to know he wanted me around. (He would also do this when I went to the bathroom and left him with dad...then it wasn't as cute, I just wanted to use the potty.)
Seeing their desire to be with me helped. I would like to clarify here, that their dad is an amazing dad, who couldn't be more fun if he tried. Really...he's incredible. But it was good to know, there's just something about a mom. To my kids...I have that somthing. I may be grumpy sometimes and I may be the time out lady, but they know I love them. The happy bounce and the crying tell me so.